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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

FFS I am never jealous.

24 replies

BeadleIrons · 10/04/2014 22:58

Have been with DH for years, we are happy, no issues apart from my intermittent MH problems, which have been a non issue for nearly a year at present, I'm happy and we are happy.

DH is a quiet sort, it takes him a long time to get to know people. This combined with our working patterns means we rarely socialize as a couple but take our nights out as and when we can do, usually seperately.

DH is a part of an online group, a couple of months ago he went to meet with them for a significant birthday of one of the group members. I was really pleased and took time off of work to facilitate this, as I said it takes him a while to get to know people and it was lovely that he wanted to attend.

He had a great time and I thought no more of it until I logged on to FB earlier. One of the group members has changed her profile pic to a pic of her and DH. He was left logged in, I wasn't snooping. Just to make clear, it's not a 'dodgy' picture or anything, I have absolutely no suspicion that anything went on and I have absolute trust in DH.

So why the Feck has this made me feel so unreasonably angry? I honestly have never felt a shred of jealousy, I love my husband and trust him but this has riled me massively.

Can someone please hand me a grip?

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 10/04/2014 23:01

Have you broached this with your husband ?

Original poster

BeadleIrons · 10/04/2014 23:13

He's gone to work. I honestly don't think there is anything to discuss - a male friend of mine could change their profile pic to one of me and him without my consent.

It's just quite alien to feel like this, for me.

OP posts:

CarryOnDancing · 10/04/2014 23:30

Maybe because you know it takes him a while to get to know people, you now feel he must be invested in her? She's now in his inner circle, which isn't easy to achieve?

It's probably irrational but it makes sense. Being jealous isn't anything to be ashamed of-as long as you don't project that feeling onto him when he hasn't done anything wrong.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 10/04/2014 23:36

I think it's quite healthy that even though you've been with him for years this has made you jealous. You still obviously see him as a sexual being that others may find attractive. Complacency has not set in . Why not mention it to your husband? He'll appreciate the compliment and you can clear the air and get rid of the feeling. You know there's nothing in it.

Original poster

BeadleIrons · 10/04/2014 23:44

I think you may have something there Carry - he has let his guard down with her, which is rare.

MyChild - he is bloody gorgeous, if I do say so myself Although after 15 years and two DC, I may be a tad biased.

I know there is nothing in it - I may mention to him I think she has a wee crush. I don't want him to think I have been snooping, I genuinely haven't.

OP posts:

wouldbemedic · 10/04/2014 23:45

This is probably no help to you at all, but I'd be jealous and wouldn't be happy about it. But my relationship is clearly different!

sykadelic · 11/04/2014 00:03

I understand your feeling of jealousy and I would feel the same. It's a bit like her telling people that's her guy or someone special to her. I understand adding the photos to a regular album, but as a profile pic without cropping him out (you know how you select the area?) is odd.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 11/04/2014 00:04

See, that's the thing Beadle, it's great that after 15 years you think you're biased by thinking he's gorgeous. It's lovely to hear!

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 11/04/2014 00:06

PM'd you

badbaldingballerina123 · 11/04/2014 00:23

Who the fuck changes their profile pic from one of themselves with someone else's husband ? I'd be on that like flies on shit.

AncientBallerina · 11/04/2014 00:27

Totally agree with bad balding ballerina and not just because of her name :-)

Rindercella · 11/04/2014 00:30

I'm with the ballerinas, I would be very unhappy about this. I think it's an odd thing for someone to do, and perhaps hints at something more, from her part at least.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 11/04/2014 01:00

I wouldn't be blaming the DH, though. Yes, it's weird that someone would do this, but the OP trusts her DH.

RockinHippy · 11/04/2014 01:13

DH & I have what sounds like a very similar relationship to yourselves & I also don't do jealousy & trust him to the core. If I saw a good old female friend of DHs use a photo of him & her in this way, it wouldn't bother me at all

BUT this woman is a stranger to you & has only recently ingratiated herself into your DHs circle of friends & IMHO is posting a profile picture claim on your DH - its not normal, I wouldn't do it & I'm sure you wouldn't too - your DH if he's anything like mine will be oblivious to it - but his new friend smacks a little of "Bunny Boiler"

badbaldingballerina123 · 11/04/2014 01:42

Next time they meet up be sure to attend

Hedgehead · 11/04/2014 09:57

I would feel very jealous if a woman put a pic of her and my DH as her FB profile pic! No no no no no!!!!!

Say the online group meets up because of a hobbie or interest eg a star wars convention or something. If it was her, Darth Vader and your DH - fine. If it is in the context of their "hobbie" ie they are doing something within their hobbie - fine - maybe it was the only picture she could get hold of.

But if it's just her and your DH it's like she's trying to pretend he is HER boyfriend or HER husband and she feels she has some kind of ownership to do that!

badbaldingballerina123 · 11/04/2014 10:20

I think in your shoes Op , I would want to know just how much contact they have had on line before this meet up. I would root around and find that info for myself , I wouldn't ask my Dh. The profile pic indicates a close friendship , and is also a particularly flattering gesture to your husband.

If I didn't find anything I would say directly Dh , why has your boundryless inappropriate friend set her profile pic of you and her ?

Jan45 · 11/04/2014 10:59

How bizarre, a woman changes her profile pic to her and your husband, I would find that really distasteful actually. Trust your gut, it sounds like you may be actually noticing this doesn't seem right and yes I agree with others, you should feel jealous now and again of your partner, we don't own them but we forget others find them attractive. I'd mention it to your OH.

Twinklestein · 11/04/2014 11:05

It's a very odd thing to do.

VodkaJelly · 11/04/2014 12:03

Woah - I would NOT be happy. If it was a long standing friend of many years I would still raise an eyebrow and not be happy about it, but a new friend? No no no, alarm bells would be ringing.

Of course you poor husband could be totally innocent in all this and equally bemused by the photo, but I would ask him all the same. It is a very odd thing to do. I would never use somebody elses husband as my profile pic, I dont even use my DP.

Allofaflumble · 11/04/2014 12:16

It sounds like she is showing YOUR "gorgeous" husband off as a trophy to show her friends. I would be jealous and I would be worried. My ex told me that some woman had said he was eye candy when he went on a camping trip once and I had a real job hiding my jealousy!

Horrible feeling. Would not wish it on anyone.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 11/04/2014 12:57

It's a weird thing for her to do, I don't blame for you for feeling uncomfortable. I am not FB savvy but from what everyone else here says it sounds unusual to say the least.

If you can find a way of raising it with DH that doesn't sound like you are cross with him I think I'd have to refer to this.

(Shall assume this not a stealth boast btw ).

RockinHippy · 11/04/2014 13:38

Just mentioned this thread to my DH as he's sat next to me whilst I'm reading the updates - he too thinks its very odd, thinks you are right to feel jealous, that this woman sounds a bit unhinged & needy & if it were him, he would feel very uncomfortable himself, so you might find your DH would be relieved to get it out in the open & talk about it. Though if your DH is defensive about it - worry & kick his ass

DistanceCall · 11/04/2014 14:30

Perhaps this woman thought she looked really nice in that picture and that's why she put it up? You know, in that annoying way in which you always look good in pictures of you with someone else's arm over your shoulder and so on.

And perhaps she didn't know how to crop the picture or didn't realise it was possible.

That said, I would mention this laughingly to your husband, saying "I think X has a bit of crush on you!"

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