Something more to this friendship?

[FallenAngel22]

Ok I need some sensible perspective on what I think is a totally innocent situation but others are teasing me it's not.

Last summer I did a college course and one of the subjects I found difficult. I am a mature student returning to education and my tutor was happy for me to see him outside of the lesson in his office to go over topics so I could keep up with the rest of the class. Nothing untoward, just the topic at hand and sometimes conversation about what we liked/watched on TV etc. I managed to pass the course with a great grade, partly thanks to him.

Fast forward to September last year and I emailed him re something about the course. He replied and at the end he asked me when I would be paying him a visit. So we arranged to meet in the college cafe for a coffee. We've been doing this ever since, every 5-6 weeks or so. Again, nothing untoward, we talk about personal stuff but nothing that I would consider crosses a line at all. We email sporadically in between and I would consider us to be friends.

However, today I bumped into another tutor after coffee with him and she asked why I was there. I told her I'd been for coffee with him (seen her in previous times after coffee) and she said as I'd been to see him again people would start to think something is going on! I got really embarrassed, mainly coz I never gave it a 2nd thought, but felt I had to justify nothing was going on. My other friends who know both of us, but no longer keep in contact with him, keep making sly comments and now I'm starting to get paranoid.

So as not to drip feed, I sent him an email wishing him and his family merry xmas and he sent one back with a kiss on it. I also found something on the internet he was looking for one time and send it the other week, again I got a thank you, you star with another kiss on it! I have never sent messages to him with kisses on as I don't want to give any wrong impression! Now I'm grown up enough to know men and women can be friends, a kiss on a message doesn't mean diddly squat but now, in context of the above, I can't help wonder...

I mean, why me? There were 20 0dd other mature students in his class last year, none of them meet him for coffee. I must add he's a great guy and I really like him as a friend but hate having to justify our friendship. Incidentally, I have another friend who was a tutor, but because she's female, no-one bats an eyelid when I meet up with her!

Am I reading too much into this?!!! I don't intend to do anything but carry on as normal, yet can't help feeling like I'm doing something wrong...

OP the other friend who was a tutor, was that the same course that you were on and who taught you? or just another friend who happened to be a tutor.

I agree with ballerina, not sure why you are saying "why me" "out of 20 students none of them meet for coffee". Er...you'd already said you struggled with the coursework for his classes so you spent extra-curricular time with him to get up to speed. So obviously you've got to know him way more than the other students from that year.

I think if his colleague is picking up on the frequency of your meetings, who knows perhaps she's seen him do this before with other students, maybe the sort of person who rarely mentions their wife in conversation with 'friends' is the the kind who will lap up attention from students.

I am not in the camp who think that men and women cannot have friendships without there being flirtatious undercurrents. I have several very close friendships with men as well as women and those friendships are the same as each other, just friends.

I think you need to ask yourself whether you are happy to continue in a friendship with someone you meet every 5-6 weeks for coffee who rarely mentions his wife and presumably his wife is unaware of your friendship.

If you had read my OP clearly, you would see that the kisses on the emails came from him - I have never put kisses on any of my messages to him and never would. Also, I had a valid reason to email him re the course I had completed, I needed some verification for university and the official cert had not come through. He was the one who asked me when I would pay him a visit!

I am not about to embark on, or encourage anything with him and will clear the air next time we meet.

Thanks for all the other responses, it's been helpful.

My reply was in response to Badbaldingballerina123 btw.

I never said you put kisses to him. I said his wife probably wouldn't be happy about a range of things , including the kisses. I'm puzzled why you need to clear the air. There's really no reason to tell him you've talked about him so much that people query whether something is going on.

Wouldn't you ring the office about a certificate or verification?