Help me leave!

[hadenough23]

I posted earlier on in the lone parents section about wanting to leave my H. He is emotionally abusive and financially as well. We have ds who is 18 months old, and I am a SAHM. Since I quit work he does not let me have access to his bank account (it's not a joint one) and I have to ask him for money. He will then decide whether I "deserve" it or not by looking to see how well I have cleaned the house, etc. It is only recently that I have plucked up courage to think about leaving, as ds is starting to copy the things H says (mummy lazy etc). I don't want my son thinking this is an acceptable way to treat women.

Because I don't have a job, I would have to go on benefits for a little while (this is something I don't want to do, but I'm hoping it won't be for long). I could not afford to pay the rent and bills on this place so I would have to move out. I have been doing so much research into it and it seems impossible for me to afford. I have no money of my own apart from the CB I get every month and what little H deems I am "allowed". Everywhere I am looking seems like they wouldn't accept housing benefit and I have nothing for a deposit. I am wary of going to the council as the council houses where I live are in very rough areas and I would be a bit scared to live there. The only option I can see is going to stay with my parents for a bit, but it seems like it could be months before I could afford my own place. I feel like I'm stuck.

I am not sure what I can do to help but didn't want to leave you unanswered. I think you could look to Citizen Advice Bureau for starters. Also, what you are experiencing does seem to be abuse in a financial/emotional form so you may be entitled to women's aid - please check.

The council house option may not be too bad - do you know the area well? How would you feel about living with your folks? On the positive side, you do seem to have a few options which is better than none. I know it feels like it but you are not stuck.

Sending you hugs, must be so tough for you. You are doing well :)

Your first port of call should be women's aid. Ring them and explain it all. They will help you through the process and may find you a refuge while you sort out the rest

You will need to sort out benefits, get further advice from CAB. Talk to the local council about housing benefits and a council place.
He will have to pay child maintenance and probably spousal maintenance too as you are a sahm.

And you'll have to get legal advice. You may well be able to get legal aid, as he is financially abusive.

I'm on my phone op so apologies if this is brief.

It will be OK and its easier than you think. I know at the beginning its a massive daunting thing. but you will be OK.

This is what benefits are for, to support you when you unexpectedly find yourself in such a position, don't feel at all bad about it.

Housing benefit is paid directly to you not the landlord so they don't have to know where the rent money is coming from. If your credit rating is OK and if you have a guarantor there's no reason why you can't rent privately. ive rented before and can't recall the lettings agency asking where my income came from...

You would make a new tax credits claim for your single status, perhaps be eligible for income support, there's council tax benefit and probably other things that I don't know about. You may find you're substantially better off than you are now.

Money is only part of it, getting away from an abusive shithead is more important. You can do it and you will be so glad you did x