Big change in sex life during pregnancy

[Georgie30]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant with our first DC. DP and I have a happy relationship - we spend plenty time with one another, both make time for our separate hobbies/friends etc.

Since I became pregnant we've had sex twice, both times before the first scan. Pre pregnancy we had a good, regular sex life. DP is still very affectionate, dishes out the kisses and cuddles quite happily but doesn't show any interest in taking things further.

I've mentioned the lack of sex to him a few times and he'll say "oh I didn't want to ask in case you weren't feeling up to it" or "we'll make time to do it at some point this week" etc., but we never end up getting round to it. I feel as though he tries to subtly dodge any situations that might lead to sex if that makes sense? If I don't mention it, he doesn't bring it up himself.

I've asked if he feels a bit strange about having sex while I'm pregnant and he says he isn't (not convinced about this) and I've asked if he's not as attracted to me and he says he is (correct answer ).

Just wondering if anyone else has had this kind of issue? And if you did how did you sort it?

im 21 weeks and we have had sex about 4 times so far..neither of us feel any pressure to do it. Partner understands either way. I think its natural for most relationships to turn this way during pregnancy its nothing to worry about. Theres a thread in pregnancy about this and most of the women said the same thing. At this wonderful and scary time in your life and a relationship Sex isnt everything

It sounds as though he's trying very hard to do and say the right thing here, and as long as he's remaining affectionate, I wouldn't worry too much.

At the same time, however, I think it's probably worth turning this to your advantage and talking about how you see your sexual relationship after the baby arrives (assuming no post-birth gynaecological complications).

You both probably won't feel like it much in the first few months with sleep deprivation, etc, which is to be expected. Then there will be the normal demands of everyday life with a young child, which can result in sex being pushed down the agenda even further. It's easy to find yourself in a situation where you wake up one day and realise you haven't had sex for two years.

For some couples, that's fine. As long as there is still physical affection and a good emotional bond, sex naturally returns eventually, or it may not but that's ok. It is intimacy which binds a marriage, not sex; but while intimacy doesn't have to involve sex, for most couples intimacy is partly created through sex. Therefore, for most couples, a long-term disappearance of sex results in a diminishing of the bond between them. And that can be very dangerous to the health of a marriage.

Have you discussed how you plan to divide domestic chores and care of the baby equally between you? What you plan to do to ensure you both have adequate rest and time to be a couple as well as parents? Have you talked about how being parents may change the way you view each other, especially as sexual beings? Our culture is very guilty of writing off female sexuality once a woman reproduces.

Congratulations BTW and hope it all goes well.

Think this is a pretty common problem. In both my pregnancies up until the 12 week scan our sex life was pretty much the same. Once DH saw the baby on the screen he didn't want to make love and that didn't change until after DC was born. Must admit at the time his lack of interest in sex made me feel insecure but looking back I can see that he just found it weird having sex when I had his baby in my belly. Things got back to normal afterwards. Just to add, throughout my pregnancies there was still kisses, cuddles etc so that helped. Good luck!

Thanks for replying ladies

Mmolly I don't want him to feel pressurised as he's been lovely and understanding with me through the pregnancy so far, I agree that sex isn't everything in a relationship. I think in early pregnancy I'd only thought about how my attitude towards sex might change (too tired/not feeling attractive) and not much about his.

Dahlen I definitely agree that he's trying really hard to do and say the right thing! He's been brilliant; affectionate, interested in the pregnancy, supportive when I'm struggling and really helps out with house work. I've broached the post baby sex life with him too, hearing from so many friends about how their sex lives changed prompted that. I think that I'll not be surprised by a lack of sex after we've had the baby, but I hadn't factored in the lack of sex during the pregnancy so it's caught me off guard if that makes sense?

We have spoken about how we think being parents will change our relationship, we're lucky that we've both got our parents close by so we'll eventually have opportunities to have some couple time. I think that the lack of sex has made me think he just sees me as a mum now and not his girlfriend anymore - but that's my own worry not anything he's said.

iggy I think your situation sounds pretty similar! Literally as soon as we'd had the 12 week scan all sexy business stopped. Maybe he just feels like I'll not take it well if he says it's weird having sex whilst I'm pregnant? It's definitely made me feel a bit insecure and unattractive but he's still very affectionate so that's not his doing!