Best Friend having an emotional affair, WWYD, if anything?

[Aworryingtrend]

My close friend is more like a sister, we have known each other 20 years, live close by and are open with each other about most things.

My friend has been with her DH/married for about 5 years. Shortly before she got with her DH, she was seeing another guy, I will call him X. She and X just fizzled out (he was acting distant but was later diagnosed with an illness) and she got with her DH, they moved in together very quickly and married soon after. No DCs.

My friend has told me (whilst under the influence of alcohol) that she can't bear the thought of spending another 40/50 years with her DH. She says he is dull and rude to her. From my viewpoint I can see he would be a difficult man to live with being quite negative about life generally, never happy etc.

She was texting another guy who she knew through her work for a while which I believe was flirty in nature but never amounted to anything physical though he did send her a Christmas present.

However she and X are now back in touch via Facebook and he is 'wooing' her quite intensely- sending her notes at work and texting/FBing saying she is his world, he should never have let her go, she is the most beautiful woman he's ever met, he can't live without her etc.

My friend has been vague about what she has replied to him but is talking about possibly meeting him 'for lunch' next week. it seems to me she has withdrawn from her DH as she hasn't mentioned him to me in weeks whereas normally if we were chatting she would say eg, DH is at running club tonight, DH and I are doing such and such at the weekend. But she hasn't mentioned him in weeks.

I'm really worried that she may be getting herself into something she might later regret.

if it was your best friend/sister, WWYD/say, if anything?

I would just listen tbh and be supportive. mention the green is not always greener analogy! this happened with my friend last year and I just tried to show her both sides of a story if that makes sense?

I think you should stay out of it. If she asks for your opinion, be honest and don't pull your punches. If she just wants to bend your ear trotting out her woes and making you a reluctant spectator to her one-woman train-smash, tell her you're not interested. You haven't mentioned it but if she expects you to cover for her, definitely decline.

I'd counsel her to leave her husband. She doesn't want to be with him and they gave no children. Simple.

wow cogito id hate to be your friend!!!!

I think the only thing you can do is help her explore her attitude to her marriage. If it is as bad as you report she says, then ending it before she seeks a new future will be far better than bringing a third party into it.

You'd love to be my friend... :) If the friend here was asking for help to leave the miserable marriage I'd be right there for them every time. I just take a dim view of attention-seeking types people who whine about their problems and expect others to listen sympathetically rather than do something concrete to fix things.

I wouldn't say anything to her unless she asked me for an opinion or started mentioning her husband and the other man because if she did mention him, I'd have to tell her that she was on very dangerous ground and if her marriage is over then she needs to separate not faff around with this other bloke.

I'm really worried that she may be getting herself into something she might later regret.

It sounds like she already has. Her marriage. But I would keep my counsel on that, and the potential affair. Just listen if she wants to talk until it hits the drama llama stage and the check what's really motivating her.

blimey Walter, I don't post much on here, but your post to Cog is well out of order, Cog posts nothing but common sense and she's the first person I'd listen to in worrying times. And I usually always agree with her and she's always usually right.

wtf fifty?? it was a joke fgs. im sure cog is quite capable of defending herself as she comes across as a strong woman.

and how is it out of order! ! she obviously saw it as humour but u then decided to jump in and be all put out!!