EA marriage - husband has agreed to divorce but wants house

[Holly300]

Advice please! (Sorry long post)
I had a discussion with my STBXH (first time saying that and feels good) last night. I've been wanting to end the marriage for some time and have been plucking up the courage to say something. I finally did and he seems to be in absolute agreement, which I feel very relieved about. He did manage a few digs and put downs of course, but then he is EA so what can I expect!

When it came to talking about living arrangements, he said that he wants to keep the house (mortgaged in both out names) and that he would by me out of my half. The problem is, I don't work but am looking for a job... I wouldn't be able to afford to buy or rent anywhere, so I would have to rent under the council. If you are on housing benefits then you cannot have any savings over £6000 (I think) so kids and I would have to live off of money received from the house, before applying for housing benefit. Seems so unfair that he would be able to keep the house and thrive - he would do it up afterwards and make more money out of it. While the kids and I would have to ultimately live on a limited income with no savings. My earning potential and hours would be capped and I'd be trapped.

He said that I will be in that position whether we sell or not, so it makes sense for him to just keep the house!
I said that I'm not agreeing to anything until I've sought legal advice - which I will.

I'm just sad that after 12 years together (6 married) with 2dc, he's been ea throughout and he was always in control of money. I had no say in anything at all - and it feels like I'll be coming away with no financial stability for myself and dcs

You might want to say "right, so you'll be keeping the children with you at home, then?" See how he reacts.

I don't think you should do a DIY divorce given your circumstances ... he sounds quite keen on screwing you out of what you are entitled to (and deserve). Talking about keeping the house, and refusing to move out - he thinks he can EA you on this as well even though the law is more on your side.

In terms of him being self-employed, do you have access to his finances? Could you take screenshots, photocopy bank statements, invoices etc? With it being the start of the new tax year, he may try to fiddle his tax return for 2013-14 to indicate a much-reduced income - that would be in his favour in terms of divorce and maintenance.

I did a DIY divorce, but in my situation we had already sold the house and split the proceeds and had been living separately for a while. My STBXH had a solicitor to sort his side.

In your situation, I'd instruct a solicitor to petition for divorce etc. Even if you have to put it on a credit card.

Hmm if he needs a mortgage to buy you out he will need a net income high enough to obtain that mortgage. Has he sought financial advice? If he fiddles his books to make them low (for the divorce) he will not get a very large mortgage. If he fiddles them to make them high (to obtain a mortgage) it will help you get a good settlement.

May be worth asking (not in writing, just verbally so you can deny the conversation) if he has enquired if he can buy you out. He sounds daft enough to inflate his books to get a mortgage! And the tax year has just ended. And mortgage rules have just changed.

Do not get a DIY divorce. Ensure you get what you are entitled to, so you can provide for your children.

No expert in this at all but could you not keep the mortgage in both your names but have him pay you 'rent' monthly until you have been bought out? All drawn up by a solicitor obviously.