how do i start trusting him again and stop doubting his every move?

[mumandlovingit]

my ex left me just over two weeks ago and got together with someone else.she wasnt the only reason for the split but he was with her for two weeks and has now left her because he's realised that its me and the kids he wants to be with apparently.ive told him that it will take a long time for me to trust him and work through the problems that there were in our relationship.he met me today with the kids then told me he was going to see someone then go to his mums where he is staying.he hasnt been to either and when i rang him he said he was on a bus.he told his mother he was in town.i know im probably reading too much into it but i keep worrying he's been and seen her as i know she was in town today.his phone is now off but that could be the battery.i just cant beleive that he'd have a conversation with me about really working us out over time and being together etc then go meet her or am i being naive????
i want to try to start trusting slowly but im just finding it really hard, especailly when the fact that hes left her is the only topic of conversation with people at the moment who he is friends with.i read some of the texts shes sent him and one of them is about getting engaged and starting a family of their own! they were only together 2 weeks! he told me that made him feel uneasy and aong with everything else was one of the reasons he's left her but i dont understand why she would be texting things like that if he hadnt been making some kind of promises to her etc.he tels me he asnt told her he loves her but i dont know what to believe.surely if he had something to hide he wouldve deleted the text?
im going out of my mind waiting for him to turn the phone on again to read my texts and respond to me or ring me from his mums.just dont know how to feel or if he doubts and worries and feelings around her will ever go away.

sounds like a hideous situation for you and the kids from the outside looking in, it doesnt look good and as if he could/can be trusted

i so badly want to believe him when he says that he will do everything he needs to to ensure that we can build things up again over time, including not living with me etc at first as ive told him he cant move in again yet. think the fact that i trusted him completely before he left has made me even worse now.i didnt se it coming and ive asked him and he really doesnt know why he got together with her.i think personally it was attention he needed when we weren't 100% but its just that she's still hanging around in the background so to speak that im finding it hard to believe that he's not keepingher dangling now incase things dont go right between us.i just dont know what to think.some of my texts have now been delivered to his phone so i dont know if its the battery and hes switching the phone on and off or whats going on.i'll find out when he rings me i suppose.his mother will make him when he gets back to hers.shes not impressed with the situation and told him to leave her and close friends have to but you know how gossip starts and it's all people are talking about at his hobby place.he's said that if we do get back together he wont go there unless im with him but i dont know whether he'll stick to that and he'll still keep going in the meantime wont he! having a down day today.just dont know how to feel

I really feel for you, I know how it feels to be constantly worrying what your other half is up to, I could feel the anxiety in your message. it's not a nice place to be at all.
I hope he does turn things around and he makes an effort to put your mind at rest.
hope You hear from him soon hun, ((hugs)) x

I think its rather piss poor of him to keep out of contact with you like that. Its hardly proving to you he can be trusted is it?

He should be making an effort to make sure you can trust him and what he has done today goes totally against that.

IMO, if he loves you, he wont mind making sure he answers his phone whenever you need him to, or give you a blow by blow plan of what he is giong to do for the day, and how you can reach him should you need to.

Thats not to say you should be checking him every 5 minutes, but he needs to show that he is happy for you to do so, and understand that you might need to.

Long term prospects here dont look good

Why do you question yourself so much? Perhaps you need to to allow yourself the idea that what you are seeing is possibly a man who wants to light the candle at both ends. I am pretty sure that he has made promises to the woman. How else can he get what he wants-plays with her emotions and yours-sounds like he likes the power and attention that he is recieving-please respect yourself and your children and put your foot down-you are smarter and wiser than you realize-
God help you
Speaking from Experience

I guess that the short answer to your question is that trust has to be earned - he has blown it, big time, and now needs to be working his bum off to earn your trust and respect back...It doesen't sound like he is making too much effort so far...

That said, maybe you both need some focus and direction - what about Relate? That might at least demonstrate to you his intention to try to resolve the issues between you, and hopefully put you on the right path to gaining trust once again.

Poor you, .

It's likely he's promised her all sorts of things and is still seeing her. If you want him back try counselling. I imagine he's been seeing her for a lot longer than the 2 weeks they were together. I suppose it's question of whether you think you can work through this. If he wants to redeem himself he needs to stay in contact with you all the time and let you know where he's going and who with unless you think he needs some time and space to decide who he wants to be with. One good option sometimes is to give them say a whole weekend with the children whilst you fly to Paris or something, a lot of sole child care might make him realise how things are.