Just found out my 'friend' has been telling my ds's personal stuff to random people

[nameuschangeus]

Really just need to get this off my chest. I know it's done but I feel crap about it and need to vent.

My 'friend' has been a close friend for about 7 years. Our ds's were friends from nursery. We would socialise together and with the children. She is a person who knows everyone and chats to everyone. Outwardly quite friendly and popular.

We shared a trip away and my DS would go to hers for sleepovers/tea etc and vice versa. Anyway about 3 years ago her DS found a new friend and stopped playing with mine. My DS was sad for a good while and lost his confidence but eventually found other friends and I put it down to children outgrowing each other. It happens and I thought no more of it.

Just recently my 'friend' has fallen out with one of her other friends over something which seemed quite minor. I have not been involved. Then out of the blue I got an email from the person she's fallen out with basically listing all the times my 'friend' has slagged me and my dp off, but the worst part is that the email listed lots of comments and information about my DS which my friend knew in confidence and which she had told this other person. They are personal things as he has a couple of health issues. But they're things he feels embarrassed about and for obvious reasons she knew that she needed to keep quiet about them. I wouldn't have told her about them but as he had stayed at her house she needed to know. She had also apparently disapproved of my child's table manners and encouraged her DS to make new friends and drop him, so what I thought was an innocent moving on seems like it might have been engineered.

Anyway, I was upset and cross but I thought about it and I just decided that the best thing to do would be to distance myself and my children from her. Lesson learned and all that.

Then she texted me to ask what was wrong so I told her. Basically that I knew what she'd been saying about my child and I wasn't impressed and that I've learned my lesson and will be keeping quiet about anything personal in future. I was polite and not nasty.

But I feel crap. Why? I feel like the innocent party in this. Yet I feel awful. Please could someone just help me here? I feel terrible that my child's been talked about , that's the worst part but I feel worse for having told her that I know what's she's done. What's that about?

I think you handled it very well. The whole thing is upsetting and because you are a kind and loving person you are upset. I think you'll feel better in a while. Time is the best cure for things like this.

You feel hurt and betrayed about what you have discovered, and perhaps are grieving for a lost friendship

Why did the new friend email you with all the information - it sounds slightly strange to me?

It wasn't a new friend who emailed me invicta it was another friend of hers who she's involved in an argument with. I think the point of it was to discredit her to me. The thing is I know it's true because the things that have been repeated to me can only have come from that one source. I'm not sure if that makes it any clearer?!

Thanks sonjadog. I'm looking forward to time passing!

You handled it well. Regardless of what the other friends intention was by telling you, now that you know you can decide whether to continue this friendship. I'm glad that you have decided to distance yourself.
Anyway maybe it's better that your kids are not friends, seems like she is bound to cause issues at some point.

You're grieving for a lost friendship but a friend would not have been slagging you off behind your back nor would a friend have passed your child's secrets onto a third party let alone ensured the breakdown of her son's friendship with your son. The reality is that you haven't lost a friendship because there wasn't a true friendship in the first place. You need to concentrate on your real friends.

God OP, I feel for you, how awful, you did indeed handle it well, your friend and the one she has apparently falling out with sound just horrid, you are actually well rid, anyone who behaves like that is not really worth having as a friend, you will feel better soon I'm sure.

What did your so called friend say to all of this?

Thanks everyone, I hadn't considered the idea of grieving for the friendship but I can see that it's possible.

When I told her what I knew she blustered, denied that she'd said anything (I know she has as it was so specific it couldn't have been anyone else) then was contrite and apologised 'but I don't know what I'm apologising for'.

I do think I'm well rid, so thank you for pointing that put too.

Yes - definitely well rid of her. Sounds an unpleasant woman. Lots of nice people around and you deserve nice people in your life, OP.

The person who emailed you these things is a low life and a nasty person

The pair of them are not friends tbh!

The first one for slagging you off OP, and the other one for shit stirring to get revenge!

I'd have a bit more respect for the tell tale if she did it from the point of view of wanting to make sure you weren't over sharing, rather than to get back at someone she's fallen out with.

Have fUck all to do with either of them. You did handle this well. Refuse to engage now, sonja is right, time will heal and you will re
Alice/feel you are better off.

You did the right thing, OP. I agree with a PP who said to distance yourself from them both. The second person is shit-stirring bc their friendship has ended. She should have called the first woman out on what she was doing if she thought it was so wrong at the time. What a pair of bitches .

Thanks everyone. I hadn't even really considered the person who sent the email as they are not a friend to me anyway, I know them but only to say hello to, she isn't anyone I would miss iyswim?

I feel reassured that I've done the right thing. Thanks everyone.