Link to DM 'advice' on fixing relationships after affairs...so bad it's funny!

[summermovedon]

advice on how to get your relationship back after affairs

You can tell it was written by a man, how could the hurt party come out of this with any dignity left??! You need to change, don't stop him seeing the other woman, let them move in together, improve your sexual techniques... this is so absolutely awful it is hilariously funny.

A lot of the time on threads on here, you read that women want to take their husband back but I don't think it's always for the right reason. "I don't want to break the family up" is commonly used as a reason...."I don't want to be lonely" is another that is used often.

Is it always a case of wanting that person back or more a case of not wanting to lose the life that person helps with.

How many women who have wanted their errant husbands back would have fought so hard if they weren't married and didn't have children?

So let's see if I understand.

See if I'm dissatisfied with the domestic, secretarial and ahem personal services my DW is obliged to provide, that's me entitled to shag my secretary, my cleaner, the checkout girl in Tesco's or a prostitute as a punishment. I'm then supposed to rub her nose in it and she's supposed to accept it's her fault and get her fucking act together.

Have I misunderstood anything? I always thought it would be my fault and she would divorce my arse if I acted like that. And I thought being a nasty sexist mysogynistic chauvinistic twat was a bad thing.

But he's supposed to be an expert, right?

Aye, right.

Well said boris.

Nomama I don't think a couple should automatically break up if one of them is unfaithful. I think it is possible in some cases to repair the relationship and move on. But I think this man has given shit advice that totally devalues women and implies that men have a right to shag around if their wife isn't up to scratch.

Cailin friendships and sexual relationships are very different .

Again, the short article is only a snippet of the whole book and the book is very balanced in its entirety. This thread is taking the article out of context.

How so bargara? Is it more acceptable for a sexual partner to betray you?

I simply love that asking your husband to stop seeing the other woman is described as 'controlling' and 'who wants to be in a controlling relationship' !!!!

Seriously fucked up. And no, I don't think it's ever ok to give this advice.

Because the dynamics are different when there is sex involved. It's not just a friendship is it. There are a whole host of other emotions going on. Anyway as I said, this discussion is not based upon the reading of the whole book. If it were then we would be able to see that the Author does address all questions posted here.

And don't forget, Boris, that your wife should apologise for taking you for granted and nagging.

Bargara is his advice only for women or does he advise men on how to win back cheating wives?

For goodness sake, the Article is taken out of context. There is a book and this is a small part. To make a balanced assessment of it you would need to read the book. The Daily Mail has achieved its goal of getting people's backs up and getting millions of clicks.

And I agree bargara that the dynamics are different in a sexual relationship - it's not "just" a friendship, in which case trust is so much more important and the betrayal is far more damaging.

Do you think we should teach our daughters to expect respect from friends but not from their sexual partners?

Does the advice given in the DM arrticle appear in the book?

bargara do you have some sort of affiliation with the book?

I had to stop reading after try a few servings of humble pie and apologise after all you must be doing something wrong....

I could actually feel myself turning into the incredible hulk

Andrew G Marshall has written some excellent books on relationships and is a very well-known counsellor: many of his titles are stocked in local libraries. I concur with those on here who say that the DM have plucked out the most seemingly-misogynist section without placing it in the wider context of the entire book. I am unable to read the DM these days as the anti-woman theme is so repellent and the publication of this particular section just serves to reinforce my opinion.

OK, OK....I just had a look at his website. Not quite as much of a dick as I feared Quite reasonable at times.

And people start threads on there asking why people hate the DM so much....

I've read a couple of the author's books and to be honest the only good bits were the chapters dealing with moving on after a breakup. The rest of his advice (also on his website) seems to boil down to: "Your husband cheated because your sex life was boring. Buy my other book on how to meet your husband's sexual needs properly."

Is there an equivalent 'how to grovel like crazy and attempt to win back the wife that you were a complete and utter bastard to' chapter that would offset this one?