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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do?

3 replies

talullah57 · 10/04/2014 01:14

H’s affair has been going on in our village for past 3 years. He admitted it at our first pseudo Relate meeting. I say pseudo because all he did for a whole hour was talk about himself and how he had ‘fallen into the arms of another woman’. At that meeting last October, Relate therapist asked whether he had finished the relationship, he said yes. She asked how? He said by email. She asked him what did she respond? He said he didn’t know as he had blocked her telephone/email details. I sat there knowing he was lying but hoping he wasn’t. He is paying this OW a lot of money, a lot of money per month, or even a couple of times per month.
I saw a solicitor who has asked him to financially disclose. He hasn’t. But he has decided now to get a solicitor who has replied and told me to start looking after myself financially.

I would love to speak to someone who knows where I may stand legally. I am so damned tired and getting little sleep.

I’m sorry if this is vague but I am knackered.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 10/04/2014 01:16

You need a solicitor. Post in legal. Good luck.

talullah57 · 10/04/2014 01:20

Just posted in legal. Thanks Monty

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 10/04/2014 08:53

That sounds grim OP what a creep your H is. I hope you have had your family rally round you. You probably feel like you are on a roller coaster. Money wise you may be poorer after divorcing him but oh to be rid of a liar and cheat and emotional fuckwittery, 'priceless'.

I bet the law takes a dim view of spouses hiding assets pre divorce but as I'm not legal I can't advise so good luck over on Legal Matters.

Do you and H have DCs, OP? Just thinking - again no professional experience - from what I've seen here in the past both parties need to be housed, they need to be able to have DCs to stay, but a DC's needs are paramount.

So if the equity in the marital home isn't enough to provide deposits for the purchase of two new houses, then the DCs' need for a roof over their heads is seen as crucial so assuming you don't live in a palatial home, way beyond your needs, you'd stay put with the DCs.

Does H now live with OW? If he rents and you remain in the marital home with DC (s), it will have to be sold when your youngest reaches 18, unless you can remortgage and pay H off by then.

You need first class legal advice Talullah57. If your H continues as he has done don't believe any promises unless they are written down and then copy everything.

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