About 18 months ago I caught him texting a woman he had met through a friend, bit flirty but he swears nothing happened. I told him that if he did anything like that again I wouldn't be able to forgive it, I tried to forgive him and trust him again but would on occasion check his phone. He has been acting weird lately, its been months really but I think I've been in denial. He's just detached himself from the family, (myself and two young DCs), staying up late on playstation or looking at porn, watching movies on his own, he was staying away for work once every fortnight etc. not communicating or wanting to communicate. Don't get me wrong he has never been the world's best communicator anyhow.
So I checked the phone and there it was, there was some messages missing but it looked like he was trying to make an appointment to see her an escort (polite name for it). When I challenged him about it he looked me in the eye and lied even though I told him I had looked at her website and seen who she was.
I told him I was pretty disgusted and he should find somewhere else to go for the weekend, he went to a hotel. He tells me it was just messing about and he wouldn't have gone through with it. Since then we have been occupying space in the same house but I can't bear to be in the same room as him, he's been to the doctor and been referred to a psychotherapist who he is going to see on an ongoing basis from now.
He thinks I'm being mean as I have told him I don't want to have anything to do with him until he sorts out what he wants, i.e. whether he wants to be in an adult relationship or continue to act like a teenager in which case I think we should separate. It is difficult on a daily basis, I find it difficult but I know that he is genuinely depressed and probably sorry, he looks dreadful. He is in a right state, he has no friends to talk to and unsupportive parents, he also has a teenage daughter from a previous relationship he needs to think about.
I guess my options are - forgive him, go to counselling and sort it out and work for weeks and months to regain the trust but he may still do this kind of thing again and I don't know if I can live with someone who I can't trust and doesn't communicate, even with therapy I don't know if he won't just revert to type. History has repeated itself, I met him online and we chatted for 9 months here and there before we met up and he never mentioned he had a daughter or a girlfriend that he was unhappy with and then it all came out when we had been dating for a few weeks, by then it was too late really and we ended up in this messy situation with his ex who interestingly told me he would do the same thing to me, oh look she was right.
Does anyone have any advice for me, am I being unreasonable, I don't know that he has actually cheated but I still feel like he is a cheat, I would like to think that I wouldn't have done this to him. I know our relationship isn't perfect but I have tried to talk and sort it out with him, the children are young and we do have a lot of pressure (like every other family really). Its just so tough at the moment and I can't decide what to do. Its the age old question, do I turn my chlldren's world upside down because a bit of childish behaviour or do I stay and subject myself to it happening to me in the future.
I'm worn out and drained by it all, its a crap situation but I haven't caused it and I'm so angry that he's making me feel guilty for not wanted to spend time with him at the moment.