What to do-to tell or not to tell

[ohldoneedtogetagrip]

I was adopted at birth and never knew who my Birth mother was until a few years ago. I found her via Genes reunited and that she had died 2 years previously but l did have a brother and sister.
The family dynamics of my DSis and DB is strange in that they have no contact what so ever-many childhood issues apparently.
Anyway l am in regular contact with my DB who lives at the opposite end of the country. DB did not know of my existence and although he is now happy to have me in his life he is left wondering why his (our) DM didn't trust him enough to let him know l existed but she had apparently told my DSis.
Now DM had a brother (my uncle) who knew about me and last year while l was visiting he said something about him visiting her just after she had given birth to me--but the dates didn't match up.
So l started investigating again and discovered l have another DB who was also adopted about 1 1/2 years after l was born. She then went on to marry 6 months later and kept the next 2 DC's (my DB and Dsis).
My DB and l get on well, we are very close and l feel we "get" each other-we often answer or complete each others sentences. My DH and his DW often remark how alike we are.
Now l am in a difficult position. He asked me always to be honest with him but l feel this knowledge is the elephant in the room. Do l tell him he has a DB somewhere? I do not want to upset him or damage the memory of his DM, but should he know ??

Any advice would be great l really don't know what to do.

I think you should tell him. If he ever found out and found out you knew, it wouldn't look good. Even if you believe he would never find out, it's just as bad.

Yes, you must. He's already had to deal with a game changing secret (you) and he has the right to know.

Telling him will make him angry at his mother for not telling him about another sibling but when he finds out YOU knew he may be angry with you and you could lose your brother. Tell him.

I think that you should tell him. He's let you know that honesty in your relationship is important to him. I think if he finds out that you knew and didn't tell him, it could damage your relationship.

Tell him. Don't let the secret come between you.

P.S. I'm glad you've found good relationships after everything.

Definitely tell him.

I'm sorry you were too late to meet your mother, but I'm really happy to hear you and your brother get on so well. Meeting long-lost family can be absolutely amazing.

Thanks everyone

I think some of my dilemma stems from the fact that he has built up our DM to be a poor young girl (23 not so young) who unfortunately got herself pregnant and was shipped up to Scotland to stay with an old aunt. She was not allowed to keep the baby (me) due to the "shame" as the family were very involved in British politics and the fall out would be horrendous.
Now l will tell him that this poor girl repeated the same mistake while in Scotland---what will he think of her now.
To give one baby up is understandable-to repeat this action so soon after l am not too sure how l feel.
I really don't want to hurt him.

Even so, you still need to tell him. Good luck xx

Just because your bm had 2 kids and gave them up doesn't mean she was a bad person so your brother may not think that automatically.There was a really good documentary the other night and there were people who did give birth multiple times but were unable to keep the children for many reasons. I would tell him and as she is no longer here to explain just stick with the facts to your brother. What a great outcome for you to have found him.

Rather than thinking of sharing your knowledge as "hurting him" you might think if it as helping him to understand and know more.... Do tell him because as others said, not doing so is a potential cause of rupture and damage to your relationship with him. You don't need to protect him.

It would so awful if years down the line he found out but it was too late and to top it off you already knew. You must tell him, it's the right thing to do.