Help me be more assertive please

[Diddledeedee]

In a work situation I'm fine- most people would regard me as very confident. In fact I advise people how to be confident LOL!
But- I have a close and very old friend ( going back decades) who has been treating me in an off-hand way for some time. This comes down to cancelling plans we've made, usually because she has made something or someone else a priority ( when it didn't have to be but she chose to) and letting me down. She's cancelled 2 planned meetings in a row, with rather feeble reasons- though I doubt she sees it like that. We haven't met for months because she's been away a lot ( hols) and we don't live near to each other anyway.

I'm hopping TBH, but have taken it on the chin and given her the impression it's all okay. But it's not. My response has been to withdraw and not contact her- hardly at all and waited for her to call me-which she has done but recently she said we weren't as close as before. I was tempted to let rip but didn't....

I feel she sees me withdrawing, but doesn't join the dots to work out why.

Part of me wants to tell her but the other half of me doesn't want a show down.

I wish I could find the right words at the time when she lets me down- instead of just giving the impression that I understand and it's all acceptable.

How can you say what you feel without it causing a row?

It looks to be that you're drifting apart, she has made it clear through her actions that your friendship isn't a priority in her world.

Or

Something is going on with her, could be that she is intentionally avoiding you because you'll see through her front.

If her friendship means something to you then talk to her calmly, ask her if everything is okay. Mention she has acted out of character and you're concerned. Let her talk, once she has explained herself let her know how her dismissive behaviour contributed to your feelings.

Hope you are able to patch things up

Have a read of this book, aimed at women- it's very useful.

Also, be aware that you've given her the impression that, her behaviour has been acceptable so far, allowing people a certain behaviour only encourages more of the same treatment.

And I mean this with kindness, I know how this situation feels, I've recently experienced a similar thing.

If she has been under the impression that all is well how can you expect her to join the dots?

You can't expect lasagne when you order pizza x