Is this unusual?

[NotEvenBritish]

NC for this.

DP and I have 2 DCs, 3.5 and 16 months. Currently in counselling as we were having trouble getting along. Things have been great lately. At last session we told counsellor that we haven't had sex since DC2 was conceived (so 16 months plus 35 weeks, give or take). She seemed really shocked. Is this really so shocking? I was sick during the pregnancy and we are dead tired.

Not saying it's ideal, and DP is not happy about it, but I am so so tired. Still breastfeeding too so I think that has had an impact on my interest so to speak.

Or am I kidding myself?

So that's.... around 24 months? Two years?

That does sound quite unusual to me. Is it possible that you have some sort of medical reason for being so tired, apart from 2 small DC and BF?

yes I'm afraid that is a bit unusual. Are you sure tiredness is the only reason?

I'm no expert. But I'd have thought more than 2 years isn't the norm.
But I also wouldn't have thought its that rare either.
Don't get hung up on that one issue though, if the counselling helps your relationship generally, then the sex will probably follow when the time is right.

Two years does seem like quite a long time, do you get much support with the DCs?

i didn't have sex for 2 years with my third child. I bleed through the pregnancy so advised to not DTD and then I had an awful birth still bruised 6 months later and I was traumatized by it. In the end made myself it felt very strange. It made me see how far apart DH and I had become and it was important for "us" for me to make an effort. It got easier over time but I think you just have go for it and force the intimacy until it feels natural again.

Thanks for the honest answers.

TBH DP is the main caregiver at the moment. I am working pretty much every hour God sends to keep us afloat financially since DP lost his job, though this work pressure will ease off soon. So we are both tired in different ways. I'm mentally worn out, and DP has that special kind of exhaustion that only two toddlers can bring!

He is a very supportive partner and looks after us all really well. I just can't see how sex possibly fits into our completely packed and hectic lives. Sounds like I'm going to have to try to figure it out.

Wow, that is a really long time IMO (not a scientific fact, but you asked for opinions!).

Both DH and I work full-time and have 2 DS Btw.

How about taking a nap while the DC nap? That's what we used to do. DS2 was reflux baby and didn't sleep through the night for a couple of years and I went back to work when he was 3 months old, taking a nap every weekend (with or without DH) was the only way I survived.

Any option of a friend with kids, who knows you and your kids, babysitting for a night while you two go out to a hotel, for instance?

DH and I have done that once since we had kids (2 DCs, 2.9 and 1.8) and I was surprised at just how much I enjoyed the night away with just him. The hotel was 5 minutes down the road but we just wanted to not be in the house! Laundry etc can wait one evening.

That dots seen like a long time. I do know tiredness is a passion killer and breastfeeding can be too. Does it bother you? Do you want to have sex with him?

I'm also really sick in pg, and seem to have proper velcro babies so with each child we've not had sex for a good 18 months or so. For us, as long as there's affection and we're still talking properly, it doesn't seem to be a problem.

After the last baby we 'scheduled' one night a week where we set aside time to dtd - had to feign some enthusiasm at the start, but I soon started looking forward to it.

Unfortunately a contraception failure means a fourth child is on the way so no more sex for us for a few more months!

Definitely way too long. I am married with 5 children and we both work full time and I had a 160 mile a day commute for the last 4.5 years with 2 small babies and we still managed to have sex at least once a week. A