Break up need help

[kendal6]

My partner chris left me just over 2 weeks ago we argued a lot but nothing major went wrong no body cheated nothing massive just argued a lot I seem to be this bitch all the time at him
Anyway I've known him since I was 14 we have a lot of history we've been togther nearly 2 years and we hve a little boy togther who's 9 months old
I've begged him back I've done every trick in the book to get him to come home
My other 2 children Libby who's is 7 and jj who's is 2 also calls him daddy so are hurtin to

Any ideas on what to do? I'm desperate to get him home now and I really have tried all I can think of I seem to act out of panic and upset because I don't wanna lose him
He ignores me most of the time but has left suttle hints he wants to come back but just won't

Thursday last week he made out he was cumin bak and changed his mind last minute
He's not seen the kids since he's left and things are just gettin worse at home
I'm always in bed cryin the kids have had to go to the grandparents till I feel better I've even closed my business down as I can't seem to cope
I suppose I don't want to act like it's over i can't accept that it's over

If only he messaged me or begged me I'd be ok I seem not to understand anything men do
I don't seem to see what I'm doin wrong

And advice on how to get him to return would be more than helpful

You might want to ask MN to remove some of the identifiers in your post. Names etc.

On the specific problem, in your shoes I'd stop begging. There was clearly something wrong in the relationship if being together made you 'bitch all the time'.... and it won't have been just you. So you both probably need some breathing space and time to think. I'm sorry you're upset but it won't help the way you feel if you demean yourself. If he returns because you've chased after him, what kind of future would there be anyway?

Be with people who like you and take each day as it comes. But leave him alone now. Good luck

Some one has said to do no contact so if he messages me to ignore it aparently this will drive him mad and make him realise he's losin me but I don't no if this will work

Thankyou for replying
I'm desperate for outside advice I'm at my wits end with it all

I've even read up on male physcoligy lol just to see how a mans mind works because I don't really understand what's going on

No contact is a good idea but not because it'll 'drive him mad'... someone's been reading too many crappy novels there. You stay in contact where the children are concerned, obviously, but you leave him be for reasons of your own self respect. He left of his own accord, you're making assumptions why and you're blaming yourself. It takes two to make a relationship work.

So look after yourself for now, leave him be and keep your dignity.

Because nothing majorly went wrong I feel if we worked on things it could be fixed so I seem to hold on
He's left me and the kids and seein them upset hurts just as much if not more than everythin that's goin on

I can't just let it go
It's driving me insane it wasn't something I expected to happen and I didn't think it would go on this long

I can't just watch my family fall apart so I have tried everythin to get him back but I seem to make it worse than I do better

If you want male psychology then you should probably be looking for another woman. It's a generalisation that may or may not apply in this case, but when a man's got a nicely set-up family and the comforts of home they rarely throw it over just because they're fed up arguing.

More reasons to keep your dignity, stop chasing and stop blaming yourself. Dry your tears, get through the day best you can, act as normally as possible and wait for the dust to settle.

He had everything and he's lost most from this situation
But why is it he's not askin me back :/ he's living at his mums only took clothes and wants to start again

Why would someone leave everything behind and just act like it ment nothing
He seems to act like he dosnt care I feel completely worthless like I ment nothing

It seems he has moved on already. No amount of begging will bring him back. I would be looking for an OW too sadly - that is normally the case.

What's ow ? Sorry I'm
New

You may never properly know why he left, I'm sorry. You say you argued a lot and that might have been all it took for him to decide it's over. Very stressful spending 2 years in an acrimonious atmosphere. If your baby is nine months old and you only reconnected 2 years ago, you didn't have long together pre-pregnancy.... so even though you knew each other as kids, how well did you really know each other?

It's clearly come out of the blue for you but, if things run true to form, he will have been working up to this decision for some time.

Do you have friends or family that you can be with or talk to? You're not going to find answers, unfortunately.

Other woman lol
He couldn't pull a wet paper bag if he tried bless him

I just think that all this is way to much

I notice when I don't message him he messages me
He mesage me on Saturday night at 11pm askin for photos of the kids

Why would u ask at 11pm! It's odd but he only messages me when I don't bother him for awhile
But then when I reply back he goes back to ignoring me
I'm completely baffled

He said to his friend the other day
I want to go home but she makes it impossible for me to do so

But I don't get that :/ I don't understand what I'm doin wrong

I don't feel up to seein anyone or talkin to others because they bad mouth him and I'm not ready to listen to why I'm better off without
Espi when I don't feel like that
My only goal is to get him back it haven't really thought about it bein over for good because I don't believe it is but what do I do to make this situation better

You can't make him come back and there is nothing you can do about it. He's not under your control. You need to focus on you and the kids, keep putting one foot in front of the other, make it as normal as possible for the kids, let them see they're not losing you too, they must be shaken up too.

You are panicking and running at 100 miles an hours thinking, how can I get him back? Get off that train it's going nowhere. Get up and look after yourself. Reassure your kids. Take care of yourself now.

The desparation is coming through in huge waves from your posts so that will be what you are projecting onto him.

No wonder he doesn't want to come back. Sorry to be harsh, but would you???

Take a step back. Re-read your posts. You can surely see the way you are behaving is not right and not doing anything to help your situation.

Stop texting him. Stop contacting him. Get back some of your self respect. Start your business back up. Focus on yourself and your kids. Stop focussing on him. He probably isn't your forever. It's only been 2 years. That's not that long.

Lots of relationships fall apart after 10-15-20 years and we all manage to move on. You will too. But you need to stop the desparate attempts at getting this 'man'. He does not complete you. You are your own person. Find yourself.

If you don't understand what you're doing wrong you have to stop trying to understand. If being yourself is the problem & you'd have to completely change personality for him to return, how long is that realistically going to last? He asked for photos of the kids at 11pm probably because he'd had a beer and was sitting late at night feeling lonely..... self-pity... I don't know.

How to make the situation better is to focus on yourself, your kids, your life, your work and let him sort out whatever it is that's going on in his head. You can't make someone do anything they don't want to do.

If nobody has a good word to say about him then maybe he isn't that much of a good many anyway. He is playing games with you - and you are letting him. You need to find your dignity and stop contacting him completely. And you cannot guarantee there is no OW. He could have a life you know nothing about, you may never know the truth.

He couldn't pull a wet paper bag if he tried bless him

Oh god. Without wishing to be harsh, this and "he's not the cheating kind" are the most over-used and inaccurate comfort blankets.

Accept he's gone. Even if he changes his mind, do you really want to take someone back who can do this to your family? Be strong, gather support around you and prepare for the next phase of your life.