Starting to feel lonley :-(

[YoungWoman94]

Me and my partner have just moved into our own first home together, I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant with a complicated pregnancy (baby should be here in 2 weeks) and I'm always feeling lonely! He works 12+ hours Monday-Friday and his boss is now wanting him Saturdays aswel for 2 months.. he cant say no either because he contracts out to him and he could just fire him on the spot.
Then to top it off he is in a band so he has to reherse Sundays 12-5 and they are starting gig Friday or saturday nights aswel :-(.

I know he has to work to pay the bills, but don't want to be alone most of the time bringing up our little girl! I don't even know why I'm posting this because nobody can really give me advice, just needed to get it out.

Start by telling your partner how you feel. His schedule sounds overly-full and he needs to know that you need extra support, both now and when the baby arrives of course. Won't be acceptable for him to swan off 24/7 working or gigging when he's a father... Start as you mean to go on. Set the expectations now.

He sounds as if he is trying to avoid being home, maybe impending fatherhood is freaking him out a bit.

Time to have a talk about this.

Do you have any friends or family to spend time with?

I have told him this, he said its extra money so we can't say no and he also said I'm making him feel really 'guilty' even thoigh that isnt my intention I just wanted him to no I'm lonely. I spend time with my mum, siblings and friends but it just isnt the same. He doesnt get home until 6.30 if not later so I'm allone all day from 6am until he gets home and its going to be the same on saturdays now aswel. I'm finishing college now aswel asIve finished the course so I will literally be in 7 days a week.

I know he is going to be a brillaint dad when he is with her, but thats the problem.. when will he be with her?

Does he have to do the gigs? From what I know they don't pay much and that would free up some time.

Sorry you are feeling low

I couldn't take it away fron him, he's only just started his band again after leaving 2+years ago and they have got so much interest. They are only doing gigs they get something from like recognition or paid, so gigs may not be every weekend

You seem very giving, which is nice, but he has to yield too.

He isn't a single man, he has you and the baby to care for.

I dont know, if I talk to him about it I'm apparently just trying to make him feel guilty :-(

Strangely, it sounds as if he is trying to make you feel guilty by asking for some of his time.

You really need to sort this out, because if he is avoiding things now, it might get worse when the baby comes.

I have tried to sort it but doesnt work, I've been finishing college, attending pregnancy appointments and sorting out getting this house and moving us in whilst he is at work and all he says is well i would of done it but I need to get money to pay the bills. Makes it seem like I've done sweet fa and that its been an easy ride for me. I'm just exhausted now and dont know what else to do. I asked him to ring up to sort electric, water and gas out on monday and he still hasnt done it. I. said to him last night i would do it myself but I wouldnt know what to say, plus dont have much confidence speaking iver the phone and ge said 'its really not that hard to do'.

I'm meant to be relaxing and enjoyingthe last couple of weeka of my pregnancy but cant! It's getting me so down as I'm so scared of labour after lossing my first born and labour made me so ill :-(

If he's always been selfish then I doubt he will change. If it's a recent thing then it could be due to him becoming a daddy.

Sorry you're going through this and hope he will come to his senses.

He's being ridiculous. There is such a thing as a work-life balance and he is setting things up so that, when your baby arrived, he's got cast-iron excuses lined up so that he gets away with doing nothing at all. Night feeds? Sorry love, I'm the one earning the money so I need my sleep. Taking her out at the weekends? Sorry love, got rehearsals/gigs. You'll have to do it

FWIW no employer is going to sack a guy for saying he can't do the extra hours because he has to help his pregnant partner.

If he accuses you of guilt-tripping him tell him 'so what if I am?' because he's not listening to you and it'll only get worse if you let it slide. Stand firm and stop caving.

He won't have to do night feeds anyway because I plan to breastfeed. I'll see how the next couple of weeks go because if it carrys on i won't be able to stand and do nothing

Can you join NCT classes before the birth. When you're baby arrives join everything: baby massage, breast feeding groups anything going then listen out for other mothers whose husbands work weekends or shifts and arrange to meet. He will do his bit when the baby comes I'm sure. Having just left your old life behind you are missing your usual ways of chatting with people during the day. You will need to develop new routines. They don't need to be major social events: just popping to the shops or corner shop will give you a change of scenery and a chat with those you meet out.