Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is he trying to make me jealous?

12 replies

MoonshineWashingLine · 08/04/2014 20:51

Ex-p tells me that he now has a key to his female friend's house (its a shared house where 2 of his female workmates live) and when one of the girls buys her own house in 6 months or so he is going to be her 'house mate'...
We have only been split about 4 weeks and after his initial 'cant sleep, can't eat, having panic attacks' he now seems to be embracing single life. He has been going out with his friends, he's in a band again (with said girl) and he's made a start on improving his career. Things seem to be going really well for him, which I am obviously pleased about. Even though he was an abusive partner we do still get on well now that the dust has (nearly) settled.
However, I am a bit Hmm about this business of him and this girl he is planning on moving in with. He has said in the past that he thinks she has a thing for him and while we were together he suggested that we have a threesome with her as she's bi-sexual and I was kinda curious. It never happened though. Now all he seems to go on about is this girl, I don't know if he's trying to make me jealous or what but I just find it really odd. He even said that when she buys her house they will make the box room up for DD. I just sorted of nodded and said 'oh right, cool' but its left me feeling a bit Confused ! Wwyd in this situation?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/04/2014 20:53

WWID ?

Ignore every word that comes out of his mouth except the bits that pertain to the health and safety of my daughter.

That's it really.

Handywoman · 08/04/2014 21:00

WWID? Let it go in one ear and out the other.

No, scrub that: let it go right over my head: and get on with my life

Simplesusan · 08/04/2014 21:13

Stop communicating with him so much.
Don't answer his calls and communicate via email and keep this about your dc.

Salemthecat · 08/04/2014 21:16

I agree with the previous advice. I would just remove him from your life as much as you can and keep any conversation about your daughter.

Even if he isn't doing it deliberately (which I suspect he is), it'll probably do you a world of good to have some proper breathing space.

Quitelikely · 08/04/2014 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 08/04/2014 22:41

Yeah I keep trying to get him to just communicate by email but he doesn't always have net access so sometimes it has to be texts.
I keep trying to keep it to a minimum but he just keeps texting and emailing all the time. Doing my head in, but there again if he didn't contact me I would worry that there was something wrong as he's always texting and emailing :/ He isn't saying anything heavy in his emails/texts but he is being all nicey nice, bit of banter, trying to make me laugh like he used to (instead i just cringe) and I just want to tell him to sod off!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/04/2014 22:47

You know far too much about his life an his relationships. Tell him no more.

I don't understand this "staying friends after being lovers" business anyway (at least not without a substantial period of time). It always seems to me that one half of the ex couple gets a rough deal from it, while the other still gets to have their ego stroked.

Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 08/04/2014 23:01

We don't see each other socially or anything, only contact is with dd but we do still chat about stuff when he comes to see her. He keeps trying to get me to spend time with him and dd though which is really weird to me. He was meant to take her for lunch today while I went round the shops but he kept saying 'its ok I'll buy us all lunch and I'll help you with the shopping' so I gave in and had a quick bite to eat but I just found it really odd. I told him so afterwards so hopefully he will give me some space now. However, I have said that sentence before and he keeps worming his way back in...

OP posts:
CurtWild · 08/04/2014 23:04

Stbxh veers between trying to be my best friend (which of course he was once upon a time) and being a complete dick. He's not my friend, he's an abusive arse who didn't have the balls to walk away so treat me so atrociously I did it for him.
This veering between nice and shitty totally messes up my equilibrium as I'm trying very hard to get on with life just me and my DC. It actually at times makes me feel like we're still together in his head. I ask him to keep contact to just about DC and of course he doesn't. So it's down to me to ignore and detatch. And it's down to you to do the same, OP, don't bite and he'll eventually get the message. In theory.

Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 08/04/2014 23:23

Thanks Curt that's definitely what I am going to have to do. He is still trying to maintain the friendship we had and because we were so close and got on so well its hard to ignore him. I just keep having to remember all the awful things he did so I don't get sucked in by his 'nice-ness'. Blurgh. shudder

OP posts:
CurtWild · 08/04/2014 23:39

It is hard moonshine when they're in nice mode. Luckily my stbxh keeps slipping up and reminding me what a dick he is so detatching is getting easier. Good luck x

Jan45 · 09/04/2014 10:32

Well next time he tries to get you all together tell him no, be assertive, you don't have to go along with anything he suggests. The fact he was an emotional abuser is enough for you to keep contact at a minimum, who cares about his bi g/f.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page