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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

did something you will all hate

72 replies

pickthebones · 21/08/2006 12:44

i am on self distruct.

i am spending money i do not have.

i am exhausted.

i feel like i am at breaking point.

at the weekend i was unfaithful. i am not using any of the above as excuses. i have no excuses.

OP posts:
Original poster
pickthebones · 21/08/2006 13:09

carmanere: he does not really ask me about it or talk about it

nutcracker: it is real money but i can not afford to spend it. if that makes sense at all.

LGJ: i do not want to say how much also i do not really know. it has all been in the last few weeks. i can not get a night away. i do value my relationship but it is not one i find easy.

OP posts:
Earlybird · 21/08/2006 13:10

What a mess, and I am sorry that you are in self destruct mode at the moment. It will take awhile to sort, but you're gonna have to start dealing with it instead of being in denial.

Can you begin by taking back/returning some/all of the things you bought? That would be a positive first step toward dealing with the financial issue.

nutcracker · 21/08/2006 13:11

What about relationship counselling ??? Works for some.

Are you bored, is that it ?? Perhaps try and find something new and interesting to do.

Original poster
pickthebones · 21/08/2006 13:11

i did not really want to post here as i expected a harsh reaction and i do not blame you all but obviously i can not talk about this in real life. i do not want any person i know to find out.

thank you for posting.

OP posts:
Original poster
pickthebones · 21/08/2006 13:14

bored and lonely and very very miserable i think nutcracker actually although never thought that until now. maybe thats why i have spent so much and enjoyed some attention

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/08/2006 13:14

So, are you going to tell us a bit more then so we can give you some proper advice?

Original poster
pickthebones · 21/08/2006 13:15

i do not know what to say now i have started really.

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 21/08/2006 13:16

Have you got a holiday planned and where are you going ? Will you be able to get a break then ?

nutcracker · 21/08/2006 13:16

If you bored and lonely then i'm not surprised this has happened.

Do you want to stay with you dp/h ?? If you do then you need to find something else that relives the boredom etc. Easier said than done I know.

FrannyandZooey · 21/08/2006 13:17

You sound very flat and depressed.

Earlybird · 21/08/2006 13:17

Can you take some to the stuff you bought back for a refund? If so, that's one immediate positive thing you can do to ease the financial part of your dilemma.

Obviously the emotional issues are more complicated and will take longer.

emmawill · 21/08/2006 13:17

You sound really messed up, you obviously don't like being like this but its only you can do something about. Do you drink a lot? If you do try and give it up as it really does make things worst. Is there anything you can think of which you can do to give yourself a bit of a free good boost? College course? New job? Are you in the right relatioship if your being unfaithful maybe you don't really love him? Or at least you need some time part?

I hope you feel better soon.

Oblomov · 21/08/2006 13:17

Yes, like VVV says, tell us more.
You obviously want to talk, because else you wouldn't have posted.
We are all ears .
Here to listen.
Give us some info and details and I am sure all the kind mn'ers will sort you out.

FrannyandZooey · 21/08/2006 13:17

Perhaps she didn't want advice, she just wanted to mull it over a bit.

Original poster
pickthebones · 21/08/2006 13:18

yes we have a holiday coming up in a few weeks time. i do all the childcare so it will not be a chance to relax but hopefully it will be a break from the every day environment and so a good thing.

OP posts:
nutcracker · 21/08/2006 13:19

Why do you do all the childcare ??

SherlockLGJ · 21/08/2006 13:20

Are you on e-mail ??

VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/08/2006 13:22

I do know what you mean about holidays - the change of scenery is good, but there is no real change in the day to day grind of looking after littluns.

Original poster
pickthebones · 21/08/2006 13:23

i do not want to out myself that is all.i do not know what to say anyway. nothing is clear and it is all messed up.

i do not drink. sorry can not remember who asked that.

nutcracker: my OH does not really take an active role in childcare that is all. he will help out under duress but it is my responsibility.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/08/2006 13:24

Were you unfaithful with someone you know well, or was it a one night stand? I ask because i wonder how likely it may be for your DP to find out...?

nutcracker · 21/08/2006 13:25

Hmmm well no wonder your in a mess then, sounds like you really need a break.

You know when you say you were unfaithful, do you mean all the way unfaithful or just a snog ?? I know it makes no difference to some people but imo it does.

Original poster
pickthebones · 21/08/2006 13:25

i have turned CAT off sherlock. i really do not want anybody to work out who i am. sorry. i do not want you to think of 'me' the same as you feel towards pickthebones iykwim

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/08/2006 13:27

hey pickthebones - we wont judge you harshly - please dont judge us so!

SherlockLGJ · 21/08/2006 13:27

Fairish comment, but if you are a regular MNer you will know that my bark is worse than my bite.

nutcracker · 21/08/2006 13:27

PTB please give yourself a break, stop beating yourself up. I certainly do not think badly of you, i think you are under alot of strain and don't know what to do.

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