When is it OK to split with children's father when I feel it has to be over?

[Millie04]

Have lived with a man for 10years. We have 2 DC, 7and 9. I feel like he has too many emotional issues and he never changes. I'm just not sure i can justify ripping my DC's lives apart because I am unhappy! We get on OK as friends, but have not had what I would deem as a loving relationship for many yrs. whilst I feel deprived of love and affection, he is a dedicated father and shows them affection. Sometimes I just feel I should stick with it as the alternative may be worse. I just don't know what to do and this has plagued my life for many years. He is hopeless talking about his emotions, but I think I'm gonna have to just sit him down without the DC and thrash it out with him.

Maybe it would help if you described his emotional issues? There doesn't have to be some massive trauma to decide that a relationship is going nowhere. Deep unhappiness is a legitimate reason for going your separate ways.

If you are both good parents you can continue to be so under separate roofs, so DCs' lives are changed but not necessarily 'ripped apart' if it's handled sensitively. Whereas living under the same roof as parents that have no affection for each other can be quite stressful.

As for alternatives to feeling deprived of love and affection I can't think of many that would be worse. Being independent or alone is not at all the same thing as feeling lonely or rejected. If you mean 'alternative' in the sense of some new partner, cross that bridge when you come to it. It's not obligatory to be with anyone.

He has a temper and gets angry with me quite easily, but I could probably live with that as I know most of his triggers. His emotional issues are more to do with his childhood and not having the affection from his mother, he is quite childlike emotionally, which makes him so difficult to deal with. We did have some counselling, but then couldn't afford it, and I didn't see a change in his behaviour so I was quite happy to call it a day. He is quite controlling which is. It good for me as I like to make my own decisions. But it's the guilt. I already feel it, especially if we had to sell family home too. Feels like I am pulling the rug from under DC's feet. The alternative I referred to was single parenthood, not seeing DC every other weekend etc etc. I can see why people wait until DC are older, but I'm 41 and partner is 50, I can't help but think that the longer I leave it, the harder it will get, from a financial point of view as well as other things.