Lost in the world of dating!!!!!! Advice needed!!!

[casey89]

Just would like some advice in regards to a date I recently went on, I feel like I am being a little bit irrational and over thinking things a little bit too much. Dating is not easy haha.

Went on a date with a guy I met online- we spoke pretty much every day for approx 10 days and spoke on the phone 3-4 times. He arranged the date 6 days before, he lives in a different city approximately 50 minutes drive away, he stated he would drive and meet me in my town. However as it got near Saturday I felt like he was been a little bit colder with me then normal, he then messaged me asking if I would meet him half way, after about 20 mins of discussing where we would meet (he seemed to be adamant it was half way exactly) we agreed to a place nearer to me, his behaviour put me off slightly and he said quite bluntly he usually wouldn't be so stubborn and wouldn't mind the drive but if it went tits up he would have wasted his only day off and money in petrol etc I think this was more so because we hadn't met before, he also said he had previously had 3 bad dates from online so I am guessing that's the explanation for his behaviour?

Anyway he was actually nicer than what I thought in person and he has a lot of banter so doesn't take himself too seriously, little bit arrogant and 'say it how it is' kind of guy, I jokingly made a point of how I felt about his attitude on the phone when we arranged to meet up, (for example I would suggest a place and he would say another place a lot further from me and complain at places if suggested if he didn't feel they were half way) he said he had been really tired from work and he can be a bit of an idiot when he is and also said that's the 'worst ' he gets as he usually goes the gym to release the stress but he hasn't been able to.

Anyway I am rambling!! We had a meal and then after he suggested we went to a pub for a drink, we stayed there for about 45 minutes then we walked back to our cars and he asked me if I was free on Friday and we could possibly do something if we were both free I wasn't sure but said I would let him know ..... Sounds all good- now for the bit I'm unsure about, I haven't heard from him since, he didn't text when I got home (maybe I should have) or all day yesterday (we usually speak every night I'm aware it hadn't been long since the date) ...

So I'm now in this dilemma whether to just wait til he contacts me or initiate conversation tonight to see if he is chatty back with me. It wouldn't usually bother me but I have had one date where I was overly keen and I put him off but then another where I was really laid back and he ended up parring me off because I think he thought I wasn't interested. So feel I can't win!! I hate the bloody dating game! Also on a side note do you think it would bother you with his attitude towards planning the date? It did put me off but I don't know if I am over exaggerating!!!

Thanks for reading this :)

Firstly I'm a male first time poster! I came on here after a relationship failed and I've read some great advice.

Firstly, I think the issue around his time and the cost was outrageous. Dating is a risk on both sides and we have all have good and bad experiences, Id never suggest to anyone I am looking to date it might be a waste of time. Yes, Id be bothered If someone did same to me.

The fact he has not Texted would suggest he is not interested. Sadly, some people cannot be honest and say' I don't think you are for me'. I could be wrong I suspect I am not. Anyways, I think you can do far better.

He sounds pretty awful to me. That griping about distance. Maybe not awful but really not worth the headspace. A bit awful actually but then tell it as it is sounds like code for rude to me. A badly managed first date. I'm not sure I'd be too bothered about another one.

I think you've had a lucky escape!

The fact he was complaining and being so specific about the location being halfway makes me think he is likely to be selfish and to moan about the cost of fuel to him as a result of coming to meet you would put me off. If he is displaying this behaviour already I would hate to see what he would be like once he was comfortable around you. In the early days surely it's supposed to be all easy going and he made the first date stressful!

I think the ball is in your court. If I'd asked someone out for a second date and they said 'I'll let you know', I would expect them to contact me. 'I'll let you know' sounds like a no. So out of self preservation I wouldn't be contacting them first.

He's supposed to be on his best behaviour at this stage... Imagine how difficult he would be six months into a relationship - honestly, let him exude his negativity all over someone else.

I'd count my blessings and not follow-up and if he does I'd tell him there was no spark and wish him well.

Don't bother, if he's direct like you say then you'd have heard from him by now, he's not interested. You could just to satisfy your curiosity text him, then you will know for sure.

Don't bother. He sounds like hard work. You've had a lucky escape.

Thankyou for all your responses, I think that you all agree with me that his attitude sucked has made me think more clearly about whether I went to see this guy again!
He first suggested a place that was 50 minutes away so I said there is no point as I could directly drive to his town in that time, but he some how got it into his head that I refused to drive half way which wasn't the case so I think his attitude was well if she isn't willing to drive half way why should I, although In the end he did drive further then me, which he made a light hearted joke about when we met.

When I said he's 'say it how it is kinda guy' he told me these three bad really dates were with 'crazy or phycho' girls and he said he ended up telling them he wasn't interested. He also asked me If I smoked and said if I did he would have called the date off! I made a joke on the date about him being brutal and I felt I had to tiptoe round him and then asked of there was anything else he strongly disagreed with, he laughed but said he didn't. Other then him being very straight forward in that sense he was quite nice, but I haven't met someone who has been like that with me! He's a journalist so I don't know if he's just used to saying things how they are but it does come across as quite rude!!!

Just find it weird you would ask someone on a second date but then not contact them! Might send him a message tonight to see if I get the 'not interested' card like he gave the other three girls haha!!! Apparently he joked about one of them saying something 'cheesey' and she ended up storming out of his car when she got out!

Also quite a funny comment he made....... He told me he said to himself 'don't be a dick tonight' when he was driving down because he knew he gets a bit grotty when he's tired!!!! Whaaaaaaat!! Anyone else have to tell themselves that haha

Don't waste another minute of your time on him...he sounds awful.

sounds all good

Sounds like a total nob

He's not straight forward he's an idiot! I'd go further and suggest he's not a 'plain speaker' more Really arrogant. He sounds like one those who is always 'right' wrapped up as him being 'honest'.

As for the last three dates they probably ran a mile and then some.....wouldn't waste another minute on him. I think he probably wasn't into seeing you again but[ Funny enough] couldn't be 'Honest' with you. I think you've being lucky and are well rid.

Who has to tell themselves "don't be a dick tonight"?! Most of us manage that just fine without making a determined effort.

Aaah, so the three red flags are:

went back on agreeing where to meet and got stroppy when he felt it wasn't half way
the other dates were with "psychos"
he didn't even check that you got home ok

OP, introduce this loser to dumpsville and move on.

He's not direct. He's rude, intolerant and socially incompetent. He's learnt enough about what pisses off most people so he is able to say the things he says like "don't be a dick" to try and appear self-aware whereas he's anything but. I suspect most of the women he has dated will turn out to be psycho's etc (in his view) because their twat radars are working just fine and they give him short shrift pretty quickly.

Please don't contact him again, he will be arrogant enough to think you like him and then you will go on a second date and start thinking you can fix him because he was nice for a nano-second of the date and you'd like to see more of that side of him...

This is a no-brainer. Dump him. Don't contact him. He is not a nice person.

I am surprised you would even consider this a go-er. Did your last relationship end because the bloke did not treat you well? You deserve so much more.

Do not contact him. In fact he's telling you himself he's not nice re his him telling himself "don't be a dick today!".

When someone tells you not nice things about themselves albeit in a jokey way (you can tell if its not jokey generally) run fast.

Before you're so right re his self aware comments and how he's learned them. Classic, I've had similar self aware stuff trotted out at me!

Dont think he sounds that great tbh, and 1 thing ive learnt is never make the first move.

Ive met guys online before and we have always met half way never had anyone complain and make a big issue of it. Also had a little txt off tem after aswell checking got home ok or to say theyve had a nice time etc, in my experience the ones that havent are the ones not heard from again.

Dating is hard work isnt it, im seeing someone now so hopefully no more dating games for me

Certainly don't give him the opportunity to say thanks but no thanks. His ego will be through the roof.

He is SO not a keeper.

Haha thanks for you replies. He messaged me like 2 days after so I thought hmmm I will reply out of interest see what he's like with me he spoke to me for 10 mins (asked questions and friendly etc) then he never replied to the last thing I said and ignored me that was 2 days ago!!!! I know he has been very busy working away but I don't think it's an excuse especially when he still managed to text back previously!!

Safe to say I have deleted his number from my phone book!!!

Can't help but wonder what it was and can't help but take it personally but I know I am been daft!!