Still sad after 3 months

[bogroll]

I was dumped 3 months ago by a man who, I am ashamed to admit, I'm still in love with. It was an on and off relationship spanning a few years and this is the third time he's done this. I've resolved not to get back with him should he ever get in touch, and have been no contact since break up. I'm physically looking after myself well at the moment, but emotionally I'm a bit of a mess still and I don't know how normal it is to feel this way? I think about him all the time and miss him a lot. I try to put the thoughts out of my mind, but it's not easy. It's like he's a form of background music that is constantly playing.
I saw my sister yesterday and she told me she saw him in his car the other day and he waved at her. I don't know why, but this piece of information really affected me. It seemed to stir up my emotions again as I hadn't heard hide nor hair of him since break up.
I dunno....I've thought about starting online dating again, but don't know if I'm ready. On the one hand I need to move on and this may help, but on the other I'm still a bit raw and vulnerable.
I'm just venting a bit really. I would just like to not have these feelings anymore. He doesn't deserve them.

Three months is the blink of an eye in relationship terms. Especially if it's been 'on/off' because part of you will be thinking that it could be 'on' again. Tell your sister that, if she sees him again, to not mention it to you... As for online dating, I really wouldn't go there yet. Take some time to boost your confidence and enjoy independence. Do things you enjoy, go places you like to be, make new friends, set yourself some challenges. Make your life as good as possible without some bloke tagging along and spoiling it

First of all, tell your sister you don't want any more information on him. What's the point, really? Why should she pass along that he waved at her? What possible reason is there for bringing that up? Just tell her you don't want to know in future.

Secondly, focus on yourself. Pampering, maybe browse the online dating and see if anyone gets your interest (that's harmless, right? just looking, no commitment).

It'll take time for you to get over it, especially when it's off and on like that, IMO, as you are waiting for the upswing again - the on again part that isn't actually coming now.

Thanks Cogito. I've just read a couple of new threads on the same lines as mine.
Hearts broken by cads.
There must be something in the air at the moment

It's spring... :) I think there's an element of emerging from a winter of being stuck in the same house with someone, blinking in the sunshine and wondering if there's something better on offer elsewhere.

To be fair to my sister she doesn't know how much I've been hurt by him dumping me again as I kind of played it down a bit and pretended to be cool about it...mostly, I think, because I was a bit embarrassed about taking him back last time. At the time I made out that though I was back with him, I was keeping him at a distance and as soon as he started messing me about again I was going to end it with him.
Of course, that didn't quite happen.
I think she thinks I don't really care about him and was just telling me like she would if she saw an old friend of mine.
The truth, of course, is that I do care about him, and the thought of him waving to her just made me get all maudlin and to start thinking lots of silly stuff, ie. he maust have thought about me when he saw her etc etc.
I hate that I still think that way about him.

So he's dumped you 3 times now?

Seriously get angry, he's not worth your tears, easier said than done I know, but nothing better than getting back in the saddle, get out there, get busy and start dating men who are worth your time.

Thanks Jan. Yes he has and you're right.
I think I've probably got a case of Stockholm Syndrome.

I completely know how you feel. I felt like this about a man i was seeing who dumped me out of the blue- feeling almost consumed by thoughts of him and analysing reasons why. I felt like i constantly had one eye out for him when out shopping and things. Awful feeling. (Didnt help that the Adele album had just come out ??)

Personally I tried to get back on the horse and distract myself with online dating. I truly thought that i would never meet someone as 'perfect' as him but you obviously do! I also made myself focus on his flaws rather than what i had liked about him.

Time is a healer. Crap but true.