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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice and possibly a handhold.

21 replies

Ohbollocksandballs · 07/04/2014 00:12

Could be a long one so bear with me.

Things have finally come to a head with now ex DP. We have young baby together and I'm not sure if splitting up is the right decision for his sake.

We have been arguing now almost every day, with him storming out declaring he's leaving me and will be taking our child from me. Most recently this evening an argument started around money, as I am struggling to support the three of us alone without contribution. I understand that he is low on work at the moment, but he has not once bothered to look for a permenant job in over a month. This coupled with the usual, you're a slut, a nobody, a shitty mother, a shitty girlfriend etc has pushed me to breaking point.

However, now he's saying I've made him homeless and I've taken a father from my child, and ruined both of their lives is making me incredibly guilty. To the point where I'm questioning my decisions.

This and i really am scared of going it alone. Especially with a tiny baby.

OP posts:
OurMiracle1106 · 07/04/2014 00:39

He is the one that is being abusive. Calling you those names is emotional abuse. How will you feel when in ten years time your child turns round and calls you a slut and a shit mum? Because children follow the example set. Leave. Get out now. Yes he's homeless but that's better than living together arguing. Getting worse and worse. Sometimes two parents that live seperately but can give you all their love and are happy is IMO much better than arguing and bickering and coming home to an atmosphere.

Hugs

ohfourfoxache · 07/04/2014 00:40

He sounds vile - do not feel guilty. Your ds will be happier in an environment where his parents don't argue and where his mother isn't called a slut.

Trust me, you will (note will) be better off on your own with ds than you will with this waste of oxygen xx

Ohbollocksandballs · 07/04/2014 00:44

Thankyou. I know it's for the best but it's so damn difficult. I'm starting to regret it now even though I know I shouldn't. Tell me it gets better.

He's made me feel like I'm the bad one and I feel desperately guilty for my son. He's my world, I'd hate to do anything to disrupt or upset him.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/04/2014 00:44

eh ?

the bloke is a cunt

good riddance to him

beig a single parent is infinitely better than putting up with this shit

good for you x

Ohbollocksandballs · 07/04/2014 00:46

Grin You've got me cracking a smile. You're bang on.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/04/2014 00:46

look love, inflicting this tool on your son as a sanctioned resident parent will be damaging to him, never mind disruptive

the best lesson you can give him is to make it clear that the only level of abuse tolerable in a relationship is none

Ohbollocksandballs · 07/04/2014 00:48

I know you're all right. And I know it will feel better each day. It's just staying strong through the first few days.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/04/2014 00:50

Imagine your son hearing someone who is supposed to love you calling you a slut

then imagine him doing that to his partner 15 years from now

that should focus your thoughts

children learn what they see/hear

Ohbollocksandballs · 07/04/2014 00:53

They do. And I'd be so devastated if I heard him talk like that. I can hear him on the phone slagging me off.

Roll on the morning when he fucks off.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/04/2014 00:53

Do you think he will actually go ?

Ohbollocksandballs · 07/04/2014 00:55

From everything he's said this evening I'm 100% sure.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/04/2014 00:56

Don't count on it, love

Ohbollocksandballs · 07/04/2014 00:57

He's got to leave because he's got some work on apparently, so once he's out, he's out.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/04/2014 00:58

Sometimes they threaten they are going, so you will cave in and beg them to stay. Watch his actions, not his words.

Ohbollocksandballs · 07/04/2014 01:00

He's done it a few times, and now he's noticed I don't come chasing after it anymore he comes back with his tail between his legs.

Not this time.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/04/2014 01:03

Then this is down to you to make it different this time

If you keep doing the same thing, you will get the same result

Be strong x

Ohbollocksandballs · 07/04/2014 01:05

I'll have to be. For the sake of my boy like you say. I can't let him be raised around that. I was and it was awful, it's not fair to put him through it.

OP posts:
OurMiracle1106 · 07/04/2014 01:05

And keep posting. Is his name on the tenancy/ mortgage? If not change the locks so he can't get in. If it's a tenancy get his name removed. Mortgage is harder.

Ohbollocksandballs · 07/04/2014 01:13

He doesn't have a key anyway. Lost them all on drunken nights out. Would it be best to get changed anyway just incase?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/04/2014 10:01

Unless he lied about losing keys, perhaps no need to change locks.

You have to lock your heart and your emotions though. That is the real key. Otherwise, you will let him stroll back in and the cycle starts again.

TheOrchardKeeper · 07/04/2014 10:10

Well done OP.

You'll likely find you feel tonnes better just for not having someone around who treats you like shit on their shoe. Hope he goes easy but I bet he has one last try/dig because you dared to kick him out despite him deserving it Thanks Brew

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