Can I do a bit of a squee?

[BertieBotts]

DH and I have decided to start TTC in a year's time. I started to feel all nervous and worried about this and then realised that was probably normal and it just feels really exciting and weird and new and fun to be doing this the "proper" way for once

I even saw some baby clothes in a shop today and almost thought about buying them before reminding myself that if I started to buy things now we would have the poor kid kitted out until they're 18 with something that will be woefully out of fashion by the time they get to wear it.

I had a really nice discussion with DH about the future and what it might be like and realised that we get to be clueless happy almost-first-time-parents just like everyone else imagining that it's going to be all perfect even though it probably won't be perfect, and I know this, but it's feeling kind of perfect right now.

Also had a lovely day with DS today and feel like we're really connecting more and like he's coming through the time that I found hard and just really looking forward to the future with him, with both of them, with whoever else comes along and joins our family. I even found a picture of DS that I took the other day that sort of encapsulates him - his weird sense of humour, the little scar that I feel guilty about (accident but sort of my fault) and the way he's starting to look like he's going to grow up pretty handsome

Apologies for posting here with what is a bit of a blog-type/personal post but if anywhere on mumsnet this board feels most like "home" and I almost posted the other day about my feelings on potentially TTC and then didn't and they sort of turned into this.

(Backstory, for those who don't know it - Pregnant at 19 to abusive tosswanker, left said tosswanker thanks to lovely support and general arms and holding up here, awful rocky few years, depression, struggle to cope with/have relationship with DS, lovely lovely new man helped me a lot, married in January, now almost 26, starting new life in new country with new man and DS, tosspot ex nowhere to be seen. DS coping admirably.)

Beautiful kid, no wonder you want to have some more! I expect he'll be a fabulous big brother too.

Don't buy baby clothes before you conceive though, that's a guaranteed jinxing. (Not that I actually believe that, but you know...)

You sound so happy now.

Good luck with everything x

Nice post, Bertie

Is that a pink rose in his mouth or bacon?

Have fun trying

At some point we used to have a sort of family tradition of getting one item for something we didn't yet have.
It might be fun to buy one item for the baby, which you put away and almost forgot until it shows up. But nothing that would make you sad if it didn't work out.

It's actually cured ham with a herb crust (Actually not posh, it's just we're in Germany and they sell that kind of thing in the value range).

I am not buying anything. I don't want to rush! With DS, I allowed myself one thing after the first midwife appointment, and then nothing until I was much further on. I loooooooove shopping for baby stuff so I will make myself wait. Plus, yes, I think I would be sad if it didn't work out.

DH is very keen to practice

Too. Much. Information.