Why does it irritate my husband when I refer to him as my partner?

[MrsMystery]

I'm baffled. Sometimes I introduce him as my husband but mostly my partner. Tbh, for some reason I prefer calling him my partner.

He says he feels a bit hurt by me calling him that and he feels that he's 'earned' the right to be called my husband

I think he's making a big fuss about a small matter.

What do you think?

I would feel that you were ashamed to be married to me if you didn't refer to me as your husband.

I sometimes refer to DH as my partner, and he sometimes refers to me as his partner. It's because we're, um, in a partnership.

I quite like saying partner - I think it's reasonable to want to use the same word to describe the two members of an equal partnership. Husband and wife comes with some baggage, but we both still use them too.

I honestly think 'partner' is the wankiest possible term and it would drive me mad if my DH introduced me as such. Before we were married girlfriend or fiancée was fine thanks.

My DH would be hurt if I called him my partner. He is still ridiculously proud & pleased to be my husband - as he should be, I chose him and him alone to marry. Why hurt your DH's feelings? I want my DH to be happy. I wouldn't have married him otherwise.

I would just think it weird if DH called me his partner. But he never would. See above- after 20 years he still gets a thrill out of calling me his wife. I find that adorable.

Husband =married
Partner= not married
I would be pissed right off if I was married and my husband kept referring to me as my partner!

I don't like boyfriend or girlfriend for people over a certain age though (it's a grey area ). It sounds daft to me.

I did tell someone about my brother's partner though, and she assumed that he was gay .

I stand by using partner at times - it describes my DH, yet it gives no indication of marital status, or sex / sexuality.

Bona...'girlfriend/boyfriend' isn't really appropriate if you have mortgage, 3 kids and you're 52 though...

Personally I think partner is a ghastly word and I avoid using it even when it's the correct term.

Makes me think of gym or a hoe down.

simonthedog Sun 06-Apr-14 19:56:16

HE's upset because he has publicly made a lifelong commitment to you which you prefer not to tell people about.

EXACTLY! It's like the OP doesn't want people to know she's married. I would be seriously ticked off if I were him as well.

Plus, he doesn't like it. Reason enough.

I think husband and wife are awful words that represent centuries of misogyny and would feel weird using them.

If my partner referred to me as his wife I would be cross he decided to base our relationship on one instance where I signed a contract to protect my legal interests, and not on our mutual respect and choice to be together as a partnership on a day to day basis.

Ok not really but it's the equivalent of what some of you are saying and it does feel pretty shit to learn the common view is that a marriage is of higher status than partnership, semantically speaking.

I happen to think a marriage is of higher status than partnership - which is why I think gay marriage is so important.

What do you think?

I think you're being horribly dismissive of your husband's feelings!

To many people marriage is a big deal and not something they do lightly, by not acknowledging your legal union you send the message that your marriage is unimportant.

I am at a loss to understand why you needed to come on here, frankly. The fact that your husband told you it hurts him not to be called your husband should be sufficient.

Are you ashamed of him? Do you regret marrying him?

When I was happily married I felt proud to use the terms husband and wife. Never occurred to me it had negative connotations. Partner/partnership can be used in alsorts of ways to describe many different things.

I think YABU and I can see his point. I would be most put out in his shoes. You should be proud to call him your DH.

Partner is very generic and impersonal. It could be anyone from someone you danced with to your gay lover to your business partner.

This

HE's upset because he has publicly made a lifelong commitment to you which you prefer not to tell people about

Why would you be so dismissive of upsetting your dh?

For me "partner" is a catch all covering boyfriend, girlfriend, long term lover, same sex partner, married partner, etc. It wouldn't bother me.

I got married last year, and have been listening to the way people describe their other halves ever since out of curiosity. I've noticed a bit of a class/political divide. The bohemian/upper middle/leftwing people I know tend to use 'partner' for married and non-married couples - those who are more lower middle/working class/conservatives seem to use 'husband'/'wife' more often.

Really, though, I think if it bothers your partner, it's probably easiest just to go with what they want!