Mentally down or just an arsehole?

[GilmoursPillow]

Sorry if this is confusing or boring, I'm just trying to lay facts out as best I can.

I'm from country A.
DH is from country B.
We live in country C.
DH works in country D.

He did work where we live, new job takes him to country D. Not a bad country but not somewhere we all want to live.

We've been in country C for fucking years. We don't like it, we're sick to the bollocks of it, we want to leave. The fly in the ointment is that we own our property here and it's proving to be a bastard to sell. We want to move to DH's country but have to sell this place to do so.

We put it on the market recently and immediately got couple of offers. I think things didn't go to plan and they've changed their minds, not that they had the balls to tell us. Unfortunately we got ahead of ourselves and mentally thought the place was sold and that we would be in a position to buy when we visit DH's country in the summer.

DH has never liked where we live. He doesn't actually live for most of them time, I do, and I have to deal with all the shit that goes with it.

He's now in country D which he doesn't mind, but hates the job. He's also sick, not serious but enough to rob him of sleep and feel like crap. Over the past 4 or 5 days he's got snappier towards me. A few snippy comments on my statuses or photos on FB, a few bitchy comments to innocent things I've said over the phone.
I've felt a bit at arm's length the past few days and a phone call yesterday was strained. It was ended quickly and I sent him a message saying I thought he was upset but didn't want to start a row over the phone. He sent a message back full of Fucks saying how much he hated it here and how much he hoped we could move but was pissed off that all our plans to move came crashing down. He said he wasn't pissed off at me and it wasn't anything I'd done but he'd had enough. He said he wanted to be left alone to calm down. There was no affection in his message so although it was apparently nothing I'd done, I got a shitty message.
True to his word, I'd had very little contact from him. He only initiated contact to ask if I'd gee'd the estate agent up. He's been commenting and liking other people's FB stuff but not mine, not even something I poste dabout DC.
No reply to my factual update email, no logging on to Skype or FB messenger. He's shut me out.
He doesn't like his job, is immensely frustrated an is driven bonkers by the people he works with.

I am very upset at being shut out, especially when, at his words, I am not to blame. I'm the one feeling punished here

My friend thinks he's very much under pressure and is mentally down. I can't make up my mind if she's right. What do you think?

and a Creme Egg if you made it this far.

On the one hand, you have this:
" He said he wasn't pissed off at me and it wasn't anything I'd done but he'd had enough. He said he wanted to be left alone to calm down."

He sounds angry, but he isn't blaming you, and specifically says so.

On the other hand, he's still not speaking to you, yet finding the time to interact with others. Also you've had days of snapping at you.

Try giving it time, and asking him about it when you both feel less stressed. In the meantime, leave him to it. Skip the FB updates for a few days, and go quiet.
I'm assuming this is the first time something like this has happened?

He's been a bit of a bitch before (not uncommon) but even his sister has said he had form throughout their childhood (he's mid 40s now).

I've always in the past pushed for resolution NOW and it's not ended well - a very big difference in personalities. He does respond better to not being pushed and to being allowed to get on with, an over it. The difference this time is there's several thousand miles between us and we won't see each other for several weeks.
I'm struggling to not take it personally in that he seems to be going out of his way to avoid me.

Your circumstances are not straightforward and it is very easy for misunderstandings to arise during a phone call. If you don't see each other for weeks it doesn't help either. I can't say whether he is an an arsehole or not but I can tell you that some of the people I work are utterly unbearable and it really does take its toll. I have carried the stress of it home at times. The DC pointed it out to me recently and I am trying all sort of strategies to help me cope with having to spend a week with them. I don't think its easy for any of you and hope that you get your house sold soon and can move to the country you want to live in.

Can't sleep (it's the early hours for me). I feel permanently sick right now.

Not wanting to talk for a few days is one thing and I can understand that. What I can't understand is is why he's cut all contact. That just seems extreme.

I have no idea if he's even ok :(

I think you need to work on the assumption that his work would contact you if there was a serious problem.

Yes, he is being an arse but at least he has the presence of mind to tell you it is not you and that he needs time out.

I would leave him along until he is ready, calm and a bit more ready to see reason and then bollock him for it.

Tell him you understand he is stressed but he put more stress on you by acting like that. Then tell him how you need him to deal with you the next time he needs his space.

I think of you force it now, it will be worse.

I may be totally off the mark, but could there be someone else?

Aussiebean if something happened in the evening I would only hear when he didn't show up for work the next day. That could be 12-14 hours before someone realized. I do worry and he knows it so generally makes the effort to let me know he's ok so to me it does seem rather cruel that he's cut contact knowing that he's making me worry all the more.

Lweji, it's crossed my mind but I have no way of knowing. He's desperate to move from here, desperate for this job to finish (temporary but we don't know how long it will go on for) which would put an end to an affair, but who knows.

I was supposed to be there with him the first week but complications meant I couldn't travel right at the last minute. His friend/long-known colleague will be back tomorrow and they usually go out together every night.. Hopefully that will cheer him up.