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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why does a friend do this?

3 replies

cafesociety · 06/04/2014 18:10

Can someone please explain why someone who puts themselves forward as being a close friend and confidante, loves to listen and be solid, to 'be there' for 2 friends and also her mother.....then moans about those people, does it?

This person is desperate to be liked and to impress, and believe me she is valued yet thinks she is being 'used', and spits this out every now and then [to me, not to the others]. I have to say that I do not see having a fortnightly weekly catch-up for a couple of hours chat is 'using' anyone. Surely just keeping each other informed and supported? I have to say it is mutual, I listen and try and support her, and be consistent as she is on her own, always on the end of the phone/text.

We all 'exhaust' her apparently, yet I have no problems in my life and just chat about general stuff [what's happened in the week, who we've bumped into etc.]...the other person I cannot imagine is doing anything other than keeping her in the picture regarding a problem she has, certainly not expecting the friend to do anything/solve it. And her mother is hundreds of miles away but with health issues [and maybe unloading a bit], which again she would not be expected to solve. I see no one making demands on her as such...just trying to have a reciprocal conversation.

Why does she make out she is wonderful, supportive and caring when she deep down resents doing it. Is it just to be involved in others lives/valid? Genuinely puzzled here.

OP posts:
ButterdickCumberscotch · 06/04/2014 18:16

I know someone like this, she plays all sort of games as well. My theory is that she is massively insecure and has no idea how to form and maintain normal supportive friendships. She likes to be at the centre of things so will often befriend someone when there is a bit of drama going on.

TheKnightsThatSayNee · 06/04/2014 18:21

Maybe she's just unloading on you because she can't to the others or some people just like to play the pity me card.

cafesociety · 06/04/2014 18:27

She explodes to me now and then, but it all seems so unfair...on me, the other friend and the mother. Yes I think she likes the drama [vulnerability] in other peoples lives, but thinks she can 'fix' things and become the heroine, who is the best friend ever. But no one is asking that. Maybe she just wants to be needed.

I feel her life is quite empty really, and it's sad but I've tried so hard to help her. It's starting to drive me away now though [or is that what she wants?]

OP posts:
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