No idea what to do

[Haveacwtch]

Me and h have been together a long time and have two children. We have been together all our adult lives. We have two children.

I don't know where to go from here. I can't remember the last time we had sex. There is no affection - not kiss on cheek or holding hands even.

I find him negative and selfish at times and there are days when I don't even like him. I also find him very grumpy with the kids.

I have no where else to go. I am not working and have no parental home to stay in.

I cant spend the next twenty years like this. I am thinking of suggesting relate. Any experience please.

Thanks

It could be me posting......no useful advice but am available for handholding

Thank you. I don't want to split up but also can't go on like this. We're just two co-habiting parents who don't like each other much at the moment! Hope things work out for you ok xx

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

Something has to change though; better to be apart and happier than to be together and miserable. Children all too easily pick up on the vibes and perhaps even blame themselves for their parental marital problems. Its not their fault that their parents relationship has perhaps now run its course and you can still co-parent separately.

Have you tried talking to him or does he really not want to hear what you have to say?.

If you are really only together out of habit now it is really no point in continuing the marriage. You cannot simply stay together because of fear of the unknown (you are not also as powerless as you think you) or for the sake of the children; you cannot burden a child with a choice that you have made. They won't take kindly to you saying to them, "if only you knew what I sacrificed for you". They could well go onto reply that you put him before them.

I would also look into seeking legal advice asap as this could also help you move forward.

He may very well refuse Relate, what then for you?. I think that counselling rather than Relate for your own self would be more beneficial as you need to talk openly in a safe controlled environment.

Is this really what you both want to show your children about relationships; would you want this loveless marriage to potentially become their "normal" as well?. Children after all learn about relationships first and foremost from parents.

Would he have counselling? Do you think it could just be the usual 'family life getting the way of couple time' thing or do you think it's more than that?

Also in a similar situation and here for handholding.

No advice OP as in a similar situation too, my h won't leave and any suggestion of counselling has fallen on deaf ears. Here to hold your hand though

Relate may be the answer but a lot of men rebuff the third party intrusion on what they see as their business only,where/are his family the same as him in not showing their feelings or communicating with each other ?
How old are your children could you look to enhance your life by going to work maybe part time and giving yourself a life away from the home a few hours in other peoples company does tend to work miracles sometimes and it may be the kick up the backside he needs to realise you are a person in your own right.