please let me rant im so stressed at the mo !!!!!

[muma3]

yes it another moan about a dp

mine is being an arse im so fed up of being used and him having no respect for me. he goes out and about doing what he wants when he wants and im always left with he kids and the cleaning
im sick of him saying " yes ill do it later stop nagging !"
he says i want everything done now now now but if i wait it never gets done and yes i have give him time to do it but things are left for days . im sick of walking past things that he has passed a thousand times and it being me that picks it up !! im fed up of when and if he does do things then it a half hearted job example , i asked he today to tidy girls room and he picked stuff up shoved it in wardrobe. if it was me i would of put the things away and hoovered , changed bed etc . i know im probably being stupid but he always says " whatever i do is never good enough " well IMO he is just lazy

there finished

told him not to come home as im so angry with him for treating me like a bloody skivvy and i dont want to act like his mum anymore

oh muma3 I know exactly what you mean!!!! Bloody men sometimes, honestly Do what I do - just sit with your feet up, drink a large glass of wine, eat chocolate and do everything tomorrow.

You deserve a break as well!!!

worse thing is he is playing dumb and doesnt know what my problem is keeps repeating himself like i havent explained enough !!

just texted and asked if he can come home as he is hungry and tired and wants to do the jobs i asked of him
argggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

your message reminds exactly why i prefer being a lone parent! poor you, no advice im afraid. my ex was lazy and just couldnt see it.

he moaned at me for nagging but when we split he actually turned round and said "you did me a favour really, because i now shake and fold my washing and i do the hoovering and dusting"

shame he didnt do it when we were together

if you can stand the mess,how about goingon strike!

muma3-your've hit the nail on the head.

Mine just sits on the computer and I have to ask him everything at least 4 times.
He does the odd job in the house then says "oh I'm just nipping out for a pint" like he deserves a break because he's loaded the dishwasher. Big deal.
Of course the half hour turns into 2 and a half hours and he says "oh I got talking"
Lucky you!!!!

My dp just doesn't understand why cleaning etc is important and I've got to the point where I give up. I do sometimes just bugger off out at the weekend though and leave him to it for a couple of hours - why is it they feel so much more able to continue life as if nothings changed like that's there right????!!!!!

he left me doing the ironing and said he would help when he got back . so being really stressed and quite childlike (i derseved it ) i chucked clotheds everywhere and let dd3 wreck the house . i have left it when i came to bath dd2 and dd3 and im still upstairs , it will be left there for him to do

IM ON STRIKE !!!
not that it will do much good but im being stubborn and i feel better for it

No fair play to you - I make my dp do his own ironing now - needless to say he never has an ironed clothes!!!! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!

very immature of me but if he going to act like a teenager then so will i lol !!!

i just like to talk about things but what do you do when they dont understand you? im very rational but he cant have an adult convo and sort our problems out. he seems to have mastered a few words that calm me down and he makes a few promises to change , on occasions he begs and says how sorry he is and how he can see how he has been but then it all goes back to the same . it goes round in this cycle all the time and im so fed up

We've been a bit like that recently so I understand exactly how you feel. Sometimes I wonder why we're still together!!!!

do you mind me asking how long you have been together? you dont have to answer

No course not!! We've been together just over 7 years. It was all fine for the first year and then we went through a really on off phase for about 18mths. It was always about him shying away from commitment and not wanting to move things forward. I finally put my foot down and said it was one way or another and he made the decision to take the plunge as it were and we got a place together. Ds came along a little later and its just trundled along ever since. It is hard cause I do sometimes wonder if we've just stayed together in the end due to the fact we have a lo but when ever i've gone there about it and tried to force the issue out there he's always insisted that everythings fine and he just has to do a bit more. I love him and I know he loves me but I guess i require a bit more - like mutual respect of our living space as opposed to me feeling like the hired help!!!!!! How long have you guys been together?

my ex was exactly the sme before he left me.he had his hobby, going out when he liked, leaving me with the kids and doing everything at home.when asked to help i got told im nagging etc.he ended up leaving me 7 going out with someone else1 hes now left her after two weeks and says he's realised what a prat he's been and how h treated me and the kids and wants to try over time to get himself sorted out and work at our relationship.hoping that if he's living elsewhere and sorting himself out, he'll have to do everything himself and will realise that dishes dont wash themselves etc.we were together 6 years and he didnt change once.hoping that now he realises we arent together anymore, arent living together etc that he seriously needs to sort himself out before attempting a relationship with me again.good luck to you.i tried everything and nothing worked.hopefully this will.if not then ill be a single mum with two kids but at least the mess i'll be clearing up etc is ours!

the thing is this is the longest relationship i have had give or take a few months . all my children ahve different dads and im desperate to do anything to make it work . it had been 3.3years . terrible isnt it

i just want to talk to him and sort things out but its always about what im doing wrong and he dispises(sp?) being told he is wrong. this causes more problems as we dont get anywhere . i just dont know where to go from here iykwim . i could quite easily say come back and talk and he will say " i did tidy room but it just wasnt good enough etc etc and then he will say that he will try harder but he never does . its the same everytime .

any advice please

I just don't know what to say. It would be easy for me to sit here and tell you to sling him out and you're better off on your own but I'm in a similar boat on the issues you've got and I know its not what I'm doing!!! I will be honest though and say if the relationship continues it has to be for more than just cause others have failed before it. There is nothing wrong with having children by different dads - I have 3 half brothers - 2 with a different mum from me and one with a different dad and I've never looked at them as anything other than brothers. How do your kids get on with him? I know that with my mum, sometimes I felt more secure when it was just us than when she with a guy that she was having problems with. We always worried about her. You have to do what feels right inside - be honest with yourself and then act. It doesn't have to be a gut reaction - give yourself some time.

[takes deep breath and realises needs to start taking own advice!!!!!!]

oh no i just want to make sure that im really trying as 3 failed relationships cant all of been there fault iykwim (even though in my heart i believe it was ) i just need to know that i have done my best
the kids love him to bits and my dd2 has known him since she was in nappies she is 5 now , its just problems that i need to work through but im doint it alone and he doesnt seem to think he has done anything wrong
i have done the whole writing lists but he dont stick to it and even if i have done my share he wont do anything if im not helping , like if im sat down he wont get up and do something etc
im lost and dont know how to change this whole cycle

i told him to come home as it not fair on our friends and he said he dont want a massive row, want he means is he dont want to talk about it anymore and doesnt want to hear anything bad said about him

Do you ever do stuff together - pop out for a drink or sit and watch a film together. We found that we were getting so swamped with stuff and I was getting stressed with work and him not pulling his weight, that we just weren't spending any 'quality' time together. We make sure that we sit down to eat each night together and take the t ime to chat about each others days etc. At least once a month if not more often, we get a babysitter in or ds goes off to grandparents and then we have a night out together letting our hair down....together!!! We did find it made a difference. Sometimes I find I just need reminding why I fell for him in the first place. Do you have much support around you? I don't think they'll ever do everything you want them to do, its just about determining whether it bothers you enough to finish it, or whether its something else thats effecting the way you feel. Or whether it is just them being pains in the bloody arses!!!!!!! I hope you figure it all out cause there's nothing more frustrating!!!

Well that's just crap of him - it isn't all about him - he should respect you're obviously pissed off and upset and want to here why even if he's not going to like it. Do you ever just feel like if he just cam in and said 'Sorry I know I'm crap' and give you a hug it might just make it a little easier!!!!

we do sit and watch films etc but if im not really interested in something he doesnt speak to me . what i mean is in the evenings he will just watch telly and not talk to me . i think it is him just being a pain in the arse becasue he has apologised loads of times for this and then it goes back to the same ways again, its just a case of getting out of it if he can and i let it build up to the point where we have these rows. i just try to gently nudge him then enough is enough and here we are

i just said to him about working and how hw doesnt want me to or driving but he just said that he would give up work if i could find a job that paid well , well he knows i couldnt and it wouldnt work , i have been out of work now for nealry 2.6 years and the though scares me but it is tempting and then roles would be reversed ???

ummmm........

so glad i had this chat thankyou countto10 , great name too

i was expecting people to just jump on me and say im being unreasonable but i just want things to work and i think i have found one lazy bloke !!!

really grateful for your advice , this has been my best MN discussion by far

Ur welcome, anytime - its been theraputic for me too!!!! I defo know my other half would not last 5 mins in my shoes!!!!!!!

Hang in there x