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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Advice please

20 replies

phoebeflangey · 05/04/2014 22:09

Friend has been seeing a chap she met on a website (social one rather than dating) really likes him and thought he felt the same. Trouble is, he's told her he can't see her at the next date that was arranged due to his mum disliking the fact that he met her online (like his previous 2 gf's) He says she will kick him out if he carries on seeing her, they are 24 and 25) he has since turned his phone off and she needs to know what to do :(

Genuine post, please be nice - I don't think he's lying for what it's worth, but do think he may be a mummies boy!

OP posts:

RedRoom · 05/04/2014 22:14

He needs to grow some- that is utterly pathetic. Sorry- I just don't have anything nice to say about a 25 year old man who allows mummy to veto three women on his behalf. Can you imagine the control she would want over his birthday, Christmas, weddings and grandchildren...

Twinklestein · 05/04/2014 22:18

Oh ffs. Either it's bollocks or it's tragic. There is no upside to this.

Tell your friend to move on.

SolidGoldBrass · 05/04/2014 22:20

Tell your friend to forget about him. It doesn't matter whether what he says about his mum is true or not: the important thing is she's been dumped. It's not nice, but it happens, and the only option is suck it up and move on.

SnotandBothered · 05/04/2014 22:22

What Twinkle said

If he is genuinely following his mother's instructions, he is a wimp/mummies boy of the highest order. And I can think of few less attractive traits.

If he has made it up as an excuse, he is 'so not into her' that he doesn't even care if she views him as the aforementioned 'mummy's boy'.

Lose lose. Next.

Original poster

phoebeflangey · 05/04/2014 22:28

You're all so harsh! Really no point holding our for a couple of days? It's mummikins birthday tomorrow so maybe that's why he's trying to keep her sweet? The other 2 gf's were into drugs, no job etc but my friend is the total opposite?!!

OP posts:

StampyIsMyBoyfriend · 05/04/2014 22:37

Oh god. Dump the chump!

StampyIsMyBoyfriend · 05/04/2014 22:39

Picture the wedding plans
.. the baby sitting...

with an overbearing mil.

head for the hills!

TheFabulousIdiot · 05/04/2014 22:40

He's not that into her.

It's obvious.

TheFabulousIdiot · 05/04/2014 22:42

Read it again, what should she do? Forget him, move on, he's dumped her.

Original poster

phoebeflangey · 05/04/2014 22:49

But why use a lame excuse if he wanted to dump her? Why not just stop contact or be blatantly honest!

OP posts:

SolidGoldBrass · 06/04/2014 01:19

It doesn't really matter why he's dumped her. It could be that he wants to make sure she doesn't come bleating after him demanding closure. It could be that he's a nice enough bloke to want her to be put right off him rather than misterable.

A lot of people use excuses to dump. Sometimes it's a bit cowardly, sometimes it's because they know that the person who's being dumped is going to be a total PITA about it, so they try to create as much distance as possible.

hashtagwhatever · 06/04/2014 01:21

Question is, why would she want him?

He sounds like a absolute drip.

BillyBanter · 06/04/2014 01:32

Either he can't stand up to his mum and explain she is not like the others or he's using it as an excuse.

Either way he has finished it and you she should accept that.

FolkGirl · 06/04/2014 07:04

OP when I was 22 I told someone that the tarot cards said we shouldn't be together! They didn't.

People say all sorts of things to break up with someone.

But what everyone else says is true. Either...

He's a complete Mummy's Boy - from past experience.
He's used it as an excuse/reason to dump her but it's not true.
He's met someone else and doesn't really care what his reason sounds like, he just wants rid.

But why use a lame excuse if he wanted to dump her? Why not just stop contact or be blatantly honest!

Because he didn't want to be cruel by just cutting contact
Because he didn't want the possiblity of her trying to contact him if he just cut contact
Because he didn't have the balls to be honest
Because he thought any reason was better than no reason
Because it's the truth...?

FolkGirl · 06/04/2014 07:05

from past experience - AVOID

is what I should have said.

bleedingheart · 06/04/2014 07:11

What does she need to do?
Retire with dignity!

Even if he is being honest, the mum is toxic and will ruin the relationship at some point. Your friend should be glad she found out now!
He doesn't sound like much of a catch!

bleedingheart · 06/04/2014 07:13

IME people use lame excuses to dump people quite
often, some people get it, others persist in trying to get
'answers' or the 'truth' and end up being treated badly or with disdain because they won't take the hint.

ItsSpringBaby · 06/04/2014 07:19

He doesn't want to see her and he doesn't want to talk to her. He's taking the coward's way out and his excuse is quite pathetic really.

Actions speak louder than words, so tell your friend to keep her head held high and walk away with some dignity intact. He really doesn't sound like the kind of guy you'd want in your life anyway!

Original poster

phoebeflangey · 06/04/2014 11:24

Thanks for all the replies. She's heard from him this morning to say it's going to be really difficult but he does want to see her again. She's asked if she can see him or meet his mum?! But no reply.

I too think she should leave it now, don't want to see her get even more hurt than she already is :(

OP posts:

SolidGoldBrass · 06/04/2014 13:26

Is she very young, or just totally desperate? There are other men out there so she has no need to make a twat of herself over this one.

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