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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you believe in soul mates?

46 replies

murphys · 04/04/2014 12:26

Just that really. Do you think that there is only one person that you are destined to spend your whole adult life with?

OP posts:

struggling100 · 04/04/2014 14:40

I believe in good ole-fashioned disinterested love between two people.

I do not believe that there is 'the one' out there for each of us, whom we must find to be happy. (Does anyone over the age of 12?)

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 04/04/2014 15:24

No, because that implies that somebody is up there 'designing' people to be meant for each other and I don't believe that. I also think if there is only 'one soulmate' for all of us how come they are usually at the same school/university/workplace/street as us?
Thirdly, most relationships progress way past the soulmate feeling stage and move into prosaic coupledom. There is nothing soulmatey about tolerating someone's stinky farts or bad table manners, or arguing over the remote. Relationships aren't like that, none of them, even the good ones. And at least 20% of relationships IME are not even good ones.

GilmoursPillow · 04/04/2014 17:24

I believe in soul-mates. I don't believe that there is only one of them.

TeacakeEater · 04/04/2014 17:28

No.

MadeMan · 04/04/2014 17:31

I don't believe it's something you can truely know until perhaps towards the end of your life when you're looking back, because you never know who's going to show up next in your life to shake you out of your comfort tree.

You could be 40 years old right now and currently happily married for 20 of those years thinking you've met "The One", but your real true love is still yet to come in 5 years time at 45 years old once you've got divorced from your present partner.

DavidTwattenborough · 04/04/2014 17:38

I don't believe in soulmates either - it's a daft romantic concept that's damaging to real relationships, IMHO. Nobody's perfect and it's unrealistic to expect that you'll meet one wonderful person who'll meet you like the other half of a pair of gloves. You just find somebody who you like & respect, somebody who's 'good enough'. For things to work you need a roughly similar set of values about what a relationship should be, and what you want your life together to be like.

aegeansky · 04/04/2014 17:47

Hey, I don't think it's an out-there idea. It's got nothing to do with statistics...

The whole force of it is when you tell someone that they're your soul-mate and they tell you back... It just means you're the person I'd love to be with forever.

You can't exactly do a double-blind experiment in a lab to prove it, and of course we know that people split up and form new relationships. But yes,
the feeling that this connection is remarkable and rare - that's just a romantic love thing - nothing wrong with that?

lazarusb · 04/04/2014 17:53

I don't believe in soul mates (due to the fact I've been in love three times).

But dh does. He's only been in love once and believes it will last forever.

HolgerDanske · 04/04/2014 18:15

No, absolutely not.

I do believe that there are lots of potential soul mates wandering the earth and some of us are lucky enough to run into one at the right time.

coppertop · 04/04/2014 18:22

No. The only time I've ever heard people talking about soulmates is when they were trying to justify doing/not doing something.

"I know he/she's married/in a relationship but they're my soulmate."

"I know he/she isn't very nice to my child but I can't leave him/her. We're soulmates."

HolgerDanske · 04/04/2014 18:39

I agree that he is starting to justify an affair or the beginnings of a serious attraction to someone else.

I definitely believe that my partner is my soulmate. But I don't think he's the only one there could have been for me.

HolgerDanske · 04/04/2014 18:53

Either that or he really doesn't love her anymore and he needs to tell her and move on. Do they have children?

LittleMissGerardButlersMinion · 04/04/2014 18:56

I don't believe we all have one soulmate, but I think we can have friends that we connect with more than anyone else, as in someone you totally trust and just understand each other completely, if you know what I mean.

clam · 04/04/2014 19:13

No, I think it's romantic teenage nonsense, to be honest.

Although, that said, I think dh and I fit together like matching gloves. doesn't mean he doesn't piss me off hugely much of the time.

Maybe I just phrase it differently!

shey02 · 05/04/2014 08:52

I believe in soul mates, but not one, that's ridiculous. There's multiple out there for us and if during the course of your lifetime, you find one or two (or three!) of them you've done well. But also I think they can be friends too, not just our 'partners'. You know, when you get that feeling that you've known each other your whole life when you've only just met, when you really connect. That's special and that doesn't happen with every friend, or every boyfriend/girlfriend... Sounds dumb if you're not a believer, or if you've never had that, it's chemistry, can't explain it.

rainbowsmiles · 05/04/2014 09:22

Soulmates just describes the synchronicity of two people meeting at just the right time when everything just feels exactly right. When the pheremones, the personality types and shared histories, sense of humour, intellect and hundreds of other things which make you who you are all align perfectly. When it happens it is very powerful and I think soulmate is a good description. It's something else. Something which doesn't happen very often.

It happened when I met my husband. It feels magical. And you can see it when it happens to other people and you can tell the couples who it hasnt happened with.

It happens with friends too. You just meet someone and everything just clicks into place. Doesn't happen very often.

But there are many potential soul mates not just one. That's why it's all a numbers game. And why online dating would have more successes than random chance.

tilliebob · 05/04/2014 09:33

Well I believe in them. I met mine in my teens, am still with him nearly 30 years later and don't care if that makes me naive or whatever.

I didn't settle for second best, I didn't decide at 15 " Ach, he'll do me" and I am with someone who knows me better than I know myself. We are one of those annoying couples who can finish each other's sentences. Sometimes I want to stab him in the head with a blunt fork as he can drive me nuts (and vice versa) as we aren't the Walton's, but he's definitely my soul mate.

dementedma · 05/04/2014 10:05

Lines from "My Blue World" by Elbow:
The first 3 Chambers of my heart
Beat strong and true with love for another
The 4th, the 4th belongs to you
Forever.'

That.

HolgerDanske · 05/04/2014 10:08

I would never call you naive, Tillie, that's not what I'm saying at all. My partner is my soulmate too. But I'm well aware that he isn't the only one I could have had my love story with. There would have been other people who I could have found that same connection and synchronicity with.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 05/04/2014 10:38

dementedma

I understand that.

BumPotato · 05/04/2014 19:03

Anyone I've ever heard describe their OH as their soulmate have, in reality, had a seriously flawed relationship. Using the term soulmate is a desperation to make it so IME.

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