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Relationships

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Original poster

Moving in together- good idea?

49 replies

movingsoon23 · 03/04/2014 14:06

So my boyfriend has asked me to move in with him. We've only known each other 4 months but it feels right and I do want to! It makes sense to do this one as he owns his house and my lease is coming to an end.

My questions are 1) is it too soon? And 2) what are the pitfalls of moving in with someone who owns their house? I would pay him rent (which would be much cheaper than staying on in my current home) and if it all went wrong a few months down the line I could just move out and rent somewhere new. We are in our early 30s both with decent paying jobs (he earns a lot more than me though) and no dc.

OP posts:

Jan45 · 03/04/2014 15:01

Exactly Moving, it's all about him doing you over when in fact it's nothing of the sort, it suits you both, you both save money and you get to live in a far nicer property than the one you are in, I really don't see the big deal here.

The only issue I have is the amount of time you've been together, it really isn't that long and that would bother me more.

He actually sounds lovely and I like how he keeps his house immaculate, bonus!

oscarwilde · 03/04/2014 15:02

a) He'll be paying his mortgage by himself anyway if you don't move in,
b) yes you will save money but you won't have a lease or any rights and can be asked to leave at a moments notice
c) He doesn't want you to pay rent and has asked you to move in. Se point (a) Split the bills, don't pay rent and save it instead. If you are still together in a year, and are planning a long term future together you can either agree that you will invest that money in a deposit for a buy to let property that you own, OR he puts you on the deeds (and the mortgage) and you pay a lump sum off that. Do not spank it on a wedding and have no equity in the house.

Original poster

movingsoon23 · 03/04/2014 15:14

Thanks for all the sound advice. Good to hear some objective opinions! At the moment my thinking is that we'll try it for a year (should it all go well!) and then consider buying something jointly. He bought his current place with its suitability for renting out in mind so that might be the way to go!

OP posts:

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 03/04/2014 15:17

I think it's important to note that once you've moved in, you're much more likely to ignore red flags in the relationship as you would then have more invested in the relationship IYSWIM. So that's a good thing to bear in mind.

snowgirl1 · 03/04/2014 15:24

If it feels right and you want to do it, do it! But do have conversation about finances up front. Will you pay rent, plus a share of the bills? How will the bills be divided? 50:50? Or will it be proporationate based on how much you each earn? Discuss that in 1 or 2 years time you'll either buy a place together or have your name put on the deeds (protecting his equity).

As others have said, save the excess you'll be saving on not having to rent your own place so that you're in a good position if (a) it doesn't work out and you move out; or (b) you have some equity to buy a house with him in a couple of years time or to put into the house if you have your name added to the deeds.

Original poster

movingsoon23 · 03/04/2014 15:39

So he has just suggested that instead of paying him the rent I save it in a separate account for the future. What do you all think of this suggestion? Doesn't seem very fair to him!

OP posts:

Dahlen · 03/04/2014 15:43

I think that makes him sound like a lovely bloke who wants you to move in with him because he wants to be with you, rather than because he's looking to you to subsidise his mortgage.

He would have to pay the mortgage if you weren't living there, so he's not losing out as long as you pay your share of the council tax and bills.

Lweji · 03/04/2014 15:55

He always wins out because presumably you will share household expenses anyway.

Jan45 · 03/04/2014 15:58

How does he win when she's living there rent free, honestly the guy has no chance no matter what he OP says!

The OP is the winner then cos she's living somewhere rent free!

DrewsWife · 03/04/2014 16:01

Listen to him eating. If you can stand that sound without wanting to bury an axe in his head ... You are ready...

DrewsWife · 03/04/2014 16:04

I met my now husband in feb 2012 for engaged in April. Moved in in October and happily married in June 2013.

Sex on tap rocks. If it feels right. Go for it.

BeforeAndAfter · 03/04/2014 16:06

Way back in the mists of time I had a boyfriend move in with me into a house I owned. I would not let him contribute to the mortgage because it was my house and I wanted him to be with me because of him and not to sub my mortgage. Plus I didn't want him to have any form of claim against me if things didn't work out (they didn't but we were together 5 years, 3 of which were in my house).

I think his suggestion of you putting your rent into an account for the future is a good one. If you don't stay together then you might have enough for a deposit on your own place. If you do stay together than you have a contribution towards a deposit on a bigger place.

If he's happy, don't make living somewhere rent free an issue. I would never have a partner pay rent to live with me.

oscarwilde · 03/04/2014 16:10

Actually it sounds really fair to me. What Dahlen said.

Look at it from his perspective - you move in, pay rent for 18 months, then you break up. Suddenly he's in a world of pain with someone potentially claiming partial ownership of his house.
Or in two months time he can't stand the sight of you and since you pay rent, he reasonably has to give you 30-90 days notice to leave.

Split the bills assuming there is only two of you living there. Don't forget that a larger property plus food bills could be substantially more than you are used to paying now too so don't be mean.

Be mature and save the cash. Do not go handbag shopping or he will feel very taken advantage of.
Don't get pregnant either. You are only 4 months in and if he's been in a long term relationship you may well find that he is ready for marriage and kids while you are not. It has been known to happen.

Jan45 · 03/04/2014 16:14

When my boyfriend moved in with me I made damn sure he paid rent, why should anyone live in your home rent free, would you let a girl friend live with you for free rent?

Yes he did help me pay my mortgage and I'm not going to say, well in punishment for me having a mortgage you can live here for nothing, just help me pay the bills, how is that fair???

Tbh, anyone living under your roof and not insisting on paying rent is not imo a very considerate person.

Original poster

movingsoon23 · 03/04/2014 16:19

Thanks all! I hadn't thought of it like that- it's actually to his advantage that I don't pay rent. Now to the shops! (Just kidding)

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 03/04/2014 16:21

I think I would be inclined to get to know each other abit better first. If only because living together so soon could ruin something which could have stoo a chance if you'd taken t slower

Jan45 · 03/04/2014 16:26

Good point BOOP.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/04/2014 16:27

I can only apologise for the dreadful typing I blame a dodgy space bar

Original poster

movingsoon23 · 03/04/2014 16:40

I know boop! It does worry me a little but it just seems right somehow. We've both had long term relationships in the past and know the score with living with a partner. I've always gone with my head and not my heart in the past so now I think I'm going to try a new approach!

OP posts:

chillthefXXkout · 03/04/2014 17:11

I was in a similar situation, my tenancy agreement was coming up and he asked me to move in with him so I did after we had been dating for 6 months. We have now been living together for 7 months and are looking into buying a house together.

I made it clear from the outset that I saw the arrangement as temporary because I am paying him rent and so I didn't want to end up paying his mortgage for years to end up with nothing, potentially... (and still don't).

Also, it's his flat with his furniture and he hasn't altered his life at all - so I feel it's important we buy somewhere to make a home together - jointly.

I followed my heart and I don't regret it. However, it has been interesting to continue to get to know someone whilst living with them. My last partner and I had been together for 5 years before we moved in together and ended up living together for 6 years. From one extreme to the other!

Anyway, go for it. Things can always fall apart. And even now, I make sure I have enough in the bank to move out if needs be. But I think sometimes you just have to jump in and see what happens (with a back up plan just in case).

pmgkt · 03/04/2014 17:33

Go for it. I really don't see the issue as long as it feels right and you are not just doing it cos your rental term has come up. He doesn't want rent so he's not just after your money, yes you must pay something towards the bills, and food but you are still winning. I really don't understand other peoples issue at all. Why don't you save what you used to pay in rent ( well most of it) then split the bills ( you'll still be better of than before and he will be too -win win )

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 03/04/2014 18:08

I would advise being cautious but I'd be being a massive hypocrite!

I moved in with DP after three and a half months of dating. We're now engaged and planning our wedding and I've never looked back. It felt right - I never felt rushed, he never pressured me, just asked and left the ball in my court. He actually asked me after a month together but even I thought that was too early.

I love him to bits and I wouldn't change a thing. If it feels right, go for it! Just make sure you have some money saved aside or a plan just in case :)

stackablegoatbearingcheesecake · 03/04/2014 18:38

If it feels so right for both of you then I say seize the happiness, but yes keep a level financial head on your shoulders by saving what your current rent money is into a savings account and pay your way in the house, that way he can see you're not taking it as a free lunch and when you do come to do something together you'll have a lump sum to chip in.
If things didn't work out you have your deposit and wouldn't be any worse off financially, so it all sounds good to me.

rumred · 03/04/2014 21:02

you can hear for and against arguments all day long. all I'd add is that 4 months is still lust territory so I'd be very wary of living with someone after such a short time of knowing them intimately. and still seeing things through rose/sex tinted glasses

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