can i ever get over the other woman & trust him again?

[mumandlovingit]

see my lone parent thread for the rest of the story but at present my ex of two weeks, who got together with someone else that same day!, has left the girla nd wants to try to rebuild a relationship with me and over time get us back together.he says he's realised what he's lost and will do anything to get our family back and better.i want to try over time but how can i get her out of my head? shes been spreading rumours that it was all planned him leaving me and other things and i just cant get it all out of my head.one of the main places he spends his time, she's there too and even though people tell me he's not anywhere near her, how can i trust him? he's always told me that i need to put on weight and there's nothing to me, im a size 8.he also told me he hates bondes, she's blonde and even smaller than i am apparently.i want to hug him and hold onto him when he comes round to see the kids but i just cant understand why and the attraction of someone else.i know they didnt sleep together but he bought her items from his catalogue etc and for her child and she tried getting him to buy her a ring after only a week! i just dont know how to handle things form ow on, now he's left her and dont know the best course of action to try to rebuild things.i cant go with him when he goes to this place as its his hobby and the children are in bed when he goes and family wont babysit for me if they know im going there to watch him/be with him.they all think that i should move on without him in my life but surely i should give him the chance to at least try to make things right? i just dont know how the trust thing will work out as i truly trusted him and would've never believed that he would've done what he did.just dont know how to feel at the moment.

oh, that's such a difficult one. Poor you, it's such a shocking thing to happen to you. I think to some extent you have to follow your instinct on this one. I do think though that, if you do decide to give it a go, he mnay have to accept that he can't have contact with this other woman at all. Maybe that means he needs to find somewhere else to do his hobby (sorry, you didn't say what it was - would this be possible?). Also I wonder if you should say to him that you need some time without him contacting you now to consider it over? Maybe a couple of weeks or something.

Take care of yourself and your LOs.

Would he consider going to Relate counselling with you, if you thought it was a good idea? I know nothing about this subject but it strikes me that it would demonstrate a long-term committment on his part, and also give you a chance to work out what you want under some professional guidance.

hi
thanks for your responses.i doubt very much he'd go to relate or something like that.he's not very good at opening up about his feelings or expressing them.his hobby is racing cars and there's only one place he can do that around here & only one place to watch it unfortionatly.i know my friends would keep an eye on him as he normally stands there with them anyway when he's watching.i just hate the thought of her being somewhere he is without me there.we'll have to see how it all goes.at the moment he's getting an earbashing off her friends and her about the fact that he's left her to try to sort his family out.i think she thought that she was the main reason for him leaving which i dont think she was, part of it yes but he wouldnt have gone if everything else was solid would he.i just keep worrying everytime i ring and cant get hold of him or he hasnt got any credit to ring me etc.when he tells me things i just keep wondering if hes telling me the truth or his version of it.i think only time will tell but he is going to have to realise just how insecure i feel now towards him.ive lost half a stone and only weigh 7 stone now so im smaller than usual and to be fair i am making more of an effort to look nice and wer heals etc when im out but im doing it all to try to make myself feel good, not to try to impress anyone else or because he's left.on the outside i seem really bubbly to people but on the inside im a mess and falling apart really.cant tell him to have no contact for a while as he comes to see the kids each week twice and he doesnt take them out at the moment.i try to keep myself busy in other parts of teh house but i obviously see him.i think im going to have to wait and not say alot and just see what he says and does from now on and what effort if any he puts into things and sorting himself out.