whats the best way to deal with this

[TheLadyVanishes]

mil has just retired, i like the her but there are days when i just can't be bothered with her. I have never stopped her from seeing her grandchild and won't dream of doing so but on talking to her recently i get the impression she wants to spend more time with us (i barely see my own mum) and tbh me and dd have our own little routine and i'm happy with it the way it is. I don't know what to do because I don't want to spend everyday with her (she was going on saying how we could do this and that and I know its excitement of having finished work) but there are days when i like it just me and dd having fun and I also feel guilty at spending more time with her than my own mum. I really know want to come across as a right cow but i think i'm in a quandry

Well, how often is she talking?

Have to say, I think that it would be great if your DD can build a special relationship with her Grandma. Perhaps it can turn into a thing where her and your DD spend time no their own together. It would give you some time to yourself too.

i think you might just have to make your excuses. like when she suggests an outing say sorry we are doing xyz then.

I think you should make some time just for dd and MIL, bite the bullet, take advantage of it and set one session a week aside for them and one aside for the three of you and leave it at that.

I live with my MIL [mustn't grumble grin and bear it emoticon] and although she irritates the hell out of me and talks crap a lot of the time when she's with the kids ( running hte tap for a minute to "clear" the water before giving them a drink, telling ds1 to pull his pants up quick after a wee or ds2 will see his willy and think it's a worm and snap it off ffs, and constantly checking that they have enough layers of clothing on) I always remember that she could cark it tomorrow and then we would all miss her and be sad the kids didn't know her well. I also take me and ds2 and her to the Mall once a week and let her buy crap toys and sugar for ds2.

Anyway, enough about me, what I mean to say offer distinct time slots and don't do anything ad hoc

My dd has always spent half a day a week with my MIL to give me some time to myself .

It's a fantastic arrangement - dd gets to build a wonderful relationship with her grandma and I get time to go shopping!

Would this work for you?

god i would love to go shopping on my own again actually it is a good idea if she does have some time on her own with her and I could go and treat myself to a manicure/pedicure or just have a wander

It is truly liberating TLV. I love being a mother, but I also need time to be the person I was before I became dd's mummy. Sometimes I do housework, sometimes I meet a friend for lunch, sometimes I have a manicure (which feels really decadent), and sometimes, I just sit on the sofa and watch TV.

You could suggest it in a really positive way to your MIL.

"I would really love you to spend more time with dd. I think she'd like to be with you, without me being around, so you can do lots of secret, special things"

How could she possibly refuse!