Hi - new to mumsnet. Am 44, have two adolescent sons, who are lovely. Am with husband, with long standing issues. But we have always got through them together. However, over this last year, it has gone pretty pearshaped. He's having problems at work, and has poor relationships there. He's always angry and frustrated about his work. He seems angry and frustrated at home. He has no friends. He looks to me for everything, which can be very wearing at times. He does not like me going out, so I have no friends. The relationship seems difficult and stormy, most of the time, "being on eggshells" around him. He renarratises events, in ways that don't seem to make sense. He can be very controlling, but he does this out of "care" for me - every decision is talked about in minute detail, which again can be very tiring, and in the end I tend to give up and give in. When we try and put some plans in to sort this out, one minute it seems OK, then it escalates onto a really bad emotional atmosphere, with arguments and moodiness. So, for example, for the last few weeks he has been talking about our relationship problems, and going to see someone. I've just booked us in to see Relate. He's now angry I have done this. Also, I had a bad car accident over a year ago, and have been having psychological counselling for this -as part of this, the counsellor has asked me to look at any issues in being in a car. There were a couple of incidents over a decade ago, where his temper was really bad, and if in a car, he would "lose it", one incident being where he threatened to dump me out the car, and then go and take the kids away from me (the kids weren't in the car at the time). This ended in the car crashing, and police involvement, as he wouldn't stop the car, and wouldn't let me out. I think he was holding my hair or something, I can't really remember, I was just so shocked at the time. I just mentioned this incident to him today, given the context of counselling, and the fact he kept asking me what I was talking about to the counsellor. We have not really talked about this incident ever. He's now given me a relationship ultimatum, saying if i remember it this way, I remembered it wrong, and that he would never be abusive to me. ????? I think driving me in a car and doing what he did was abusive, and actually the way forward would be for him to take responsibility for what he did, and for us to work through this. I know I remember correctly, because the police asked me if i wanted to press charges, and their was a witness who followed us in a car, because she was worried about what was going on. But this is a decade ago, and old, old stuff. This must have hurt him, for me to bring this up suddenly like this too. As i say, our communication is really poor at the moment. At times I am scared of him, because of his moodiness, and there is a real feeling like he could just explode, and destroy everything. Maybe it's going to get really bad, before it can better? So maybe that's what's going on now? I have no friends, no-one I can talk this through with (except the counsellor I have, but that feels disloyal), I am feeling very upset and confused about all of this. Sorry for the long message.