help how do I tell ex mil about new relationship

[onedayatatimeLondon]

Actually its not just about new relationship I am about to buy a house with dp and we are getting married!

When my ex left my ex mil and ex fil were devestated on my behalf and very supportive. I have 2 children and wanted to make sure they remained close. My ex mil in particular was v angry with her ds and barely spoke to him for 2 years. Over the last year they have reconciled which has been a bit of a relief because while he was and remains a total idiot they were close. In that time I met someone new.

At first I didn't tell them because it was all new and we took it slowly for everyone's sake etc. As time went on things went from strength to strength but I still didn't tell my ex mil as I didn't want to upset her. I am now regretting that because now not only do I tell her I have a new partner but we are moving in and getting married - probably more upsetting.

I cant rely on ex telling her - he just pretends anything he can't cope with doesn't exist (this is definitely in that category). I suspect the dc have mentioned my dp but I cant ask them because I don't want to make them feel awkward.

obv I want to reassure them that they are welcome to visit/stay any time. But their reaction to the split was extreme and I don't want to set her back in any way.

am I worrying too much about this?

You or exdh should have kept her in the picture. However, you didn't. You're going to have to be gentle!

Good luck.

I would just start by telling her about your DP's existence to start. I take it the wedding is not tomorrow? So perhaps a little further (a couple if months) down the track you could tell her about wedding plans... ? If it has been a couple of years then it's not like you've moved on very quickly.

One of you should have mentioned it in passing a while ago, for sure.
xMIL found out DP through her best friend, who (at the time unbeknownst to me) is DP's SIL.

I'd say just mention that he exists for now, and then build up from there.

So he left you three years ago?
That is a long time.
I'd say "I've avoided talking much about in case it made you uncomfortable. But now we've decided to step it up, I wanted you to hear directly from me, not the kids..."
Basically, not apologising, and letting it seem like you thought she always knew, that kids had mentioned it, or you had in passing.
It's been a long time, don't worry.

Cabrinha's kind yet honest approach is the one for me.

I think it's odd that you've even considered putting it on to the kids.

I didn't want the kids to feel responsible for telling granny mummy's business.

but just casually dropped in to conversation with my dd that ex mil wants to come and stay and wondered what she would think of dp. Dd told me granny wants to meet him and always asks her how he is when they visit her!!

I guess I forgot the best thing about my ex mil is that she is incredibly discrete and feels it would be sacrilegious to pry - a virtue in any mil, ex or not!

Thanks for the advice - I will take the honest approach and promise not forget just why I love my ex mil so much :-) lesson learnt.

How lovely! What happened :)