Husband totally embarassed me whilst on holiday. Can't bring myself to talk to him now were home.

[gagaworship]

We had a social meeting organised to meet other hotel guests (small hotel) A few hours and many drinks later. My dh was chatting to one of the men and I was chatting to his girlfriend, having not really met them before the chat was very general and light. Then I noticed dh coming back from the toilet with loo roll stuck to his foot - very funny and a little bit yuk. Then a while later from nowhere this guy came up to me and said. 'Do you have zero level standards at home?' He was not laughing. I looked at him quite shocked and puzzled and before I had chance to say anything he walked off. Obviously dh had been saying something about our home life. After that the atmosphere was a little weird, probably due to how I took the statement and we went back to our room leaving the others to carry on socialising.

The day after I told dh what had been said and asked him to explain. He said he couldn't remember. I said I didn't believe him and he said I would have to ask the guy has he really could not remember. He had had a few drinks but was not beyond remembering I'm sure. Who goes and holiday and talks to strangers about there private life. I know he has problems about our relationship. We do have ups and downs.

Our home is not a show house. We work full-time and have a dog. My husband walks and feeds the dog and cleans his car and that's about it. Everything else is my area cooking,washing, cleaning etc etc which does get me down at times and causes quite a lot of bad atmosphere and he will not help unless I nag.

I would never ever say anything derogatory about him true or not. Why would he have a dig at me through a complete stranger. I know if I bring it up again today he'll say I just want to cause a arguement. Anyone else been embarrassed by the dh.

I think you need to gently explore why this was said with the stranger.
I say gently, so he would feel ok about letting you know anything your DH told him about you.

You need to sit your husband down and explain you're not his slave, and doing the dog and the car just don't cut it.

Then you need to carve up the chores 50:50. What he calls 'nagging' is just him failing to do things he should do without being asked.

DH and I make jokes about each other being messy/untidy in public. We both know each other well enough to know when something is venturing on to a territory one or either of us is insecure about and we know not to go there. Although sometimes we get it wrong For eg, DH once told one of his client's wives that I had been looking at her profile on facebook a lot and saying how pretty she was and I actually hadn't - I just think he was trying to flatter her and in turn, him. That really pissed me off.

But it sounds from your story like you are a little paranoid about what he could have said. You are not giving him the benefit of the doubt - and there must be a reason for that...

If you are this sensitive over any suggestion that your 'standards' aren't high enough, my guess would be that your dh can get away with not doing much, as he knows you will crack and do it yourself, probably nagging as you go, because his standards are so low.

It's a difficult one. I'm sitting in a truly filthy house which (despite my own very low standards) does make me feel depressed. I really struggle to do more than I do at the mo, as I am the full-time worker and dh is too ill to work and is at home full time. It's so hard to live with a dirty, smelly house but it's actually quite undermining if I rush around doing loads and dh feels worse/more disengaged.

I think you need to have an open, honest conversation about housework, how the house/garden/car/dog look and how you both feel about these things - without assumptions or the word 'should'. I say this despite the fact that I have never knowingly been able to have such a conversation myself...

Oh - YABU. In this specific case.

I'd be more concerned he does nothing round the house, completely unfair to you.

I'd ignore the guy, he isn't worth getting upset about, I find not many people live in show homes. certainly not us that's for sure.

Some random man you'll never see again said something a bit odd about a house he's never been to. I'd forget about the whole thing tbh.

Personally I would have told the man to fuck off and ask if my partner was ok

By far the bigger issue is your DH and why he thinks it's ok to treat you like a servant.

I assumed the guy had gone to the loo after DH and found it a mess.

I don't understand what your DH has done that has been so mortifying you cant speak to him