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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Stressed and Bitchy - Help!

7 replies

lukenjoesmummy · 18/08/2006 19:35

Sorry if this is going to sound like a huge winge, but things are getting on top of me.

Until 2 weeks ago I was really happy, I've 2 beautiful kids, a lovely fiance, about to move to a nice house, everything was great.

Then last Monday my fiance's best friend died, he'd been ill for a while so it wasn't totally unexpected, just a bit more sudden than we thought. Then that night I got a call saying my Dad is seriously ill in intensive care. I've been going to see my Dad every couple of days and though he's out of the IC now, he's very weak and not totally out of the woods.

We've been trying to be there for each other, while both going through our own problems and I thought things were calming down a bit, but we keep on rowing about stupid little things. I find myself picking on him about anything and everything. For example he's gone out tonight for his mates birthday and I've just had a complete wobbly with him for asking me to iron his trousers, not wanting any tea, not knowing what time he'll be home etc - stuff I usually don't care about. I get so mad and scream at him, then he goes and I think about what I've said and I think "why am I such a b*ch?". He said tonight that he feels like not coming home at all because of all this and now I'm scared that I'm going to drive him away, but I just can't seem to help myself. I want to phone him and say sorry, come home tonight, but I can't trust myself not to kick off at him again for saying the wrong thing to me.

I know its because I'm stressed at having to drive 30 miles to the hospital every few days, just to watch Dad sleep for an hour, trying to find someone to watch the kids, trying to sort Dad's flat out for if he ever goes back there and a million other things flying round my head.

I feel like I'm going mad!

OP posts:
toadstool · 18/08/2006 21:21

Just to say I'm sorry you're both having such a tough time. It looks like you're being very strong and clear-headed about why you're stressed and angry right now. Men don't deal with grief as openly as women, so maybe he just wants some time outside the house because of the loss of his friend, not because of these minor arguments? Be kind to yourself, it looks like you're supporting him as well as needing support yourself. Good luck.

lukenjoesmummy · 19/08/2006 22:01

Thanks TS. He ended up coming home early last night and we had a chat. This is the first time we've really both been up against it like this and we are both struggling. Hopefully we'll come through it stronger though.

Feel better about things after a good nights sleep (and a few gin & tonics!!!)

Thanks for the support x

OP posts:
7up · 19/08/2006 22:06

glad he came home early and you sortedthings out,shame i or any others didnt reply to you last night when you needed it! hope it didnt leave you feeling totally unloved.

hope your dad gets back home, very stressful for you arranging the visits and the poor man being asleep

lukenjoesmummy · 19/08/2006 22:46

Funnily enough he walked in about 10 minutes after I'd posted anyway so I switched the pc off so I wouldn't have seen the replies anyway.

Now I've just heard that my Nan (Dads mum) has been carted off to hospital with fluid on her lungs. Just how much worse can it get? At least they are in the same hospital so I can get 2 visits for the price of one!!!

OP posts:
7up · 19/08/2006 22:58

blimey! you poor thing. keep strong. it would be too easy to tell you not to be a bitch to your hubby, the stress youre under will test your relationship with him but only make you stronger inthe end. hope nan gets better

lukenjoesmummy · 19/08/2006 23:10

We're getting on fine today - only one minor scuffle and I counted to 10!!!

Might have another one soon though - he's fed up with me being on here all night and wants me to watch Scary Movies 2 with him, bless!!

OP posts:
7up · 19/08/2006 23:12

aw bless him!hes probably to scared to watch it on his own and wants to hold your hand! enjoy the film

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