emotional rollercoaster you just can"t get off...

[lemonbabe]

A couple of years ago, the father of my DC walked out on me after 10+ years together - I was devastated to say the least. It took all I had to keep myself from going crazy, looking after my small DC, holding down a job and managing the house alone.

After less than a year he booted me out of the house we'd shared, leaving me to find somewhere decent to live with my DC. It was a nightmare situation, I know some of you ladies having been through this yourselves will know what it feels like: emotional, financial and physical strain.

I lost a stone with the stress of it all, I was skeletal but managed to pull through to rebuild my life - all the while trying to keep my DC out of the path of all the animosity between me and my exDP, a fact of which I'm proud.

Fastforward 2 years down the line.... I've embarked upon a couple of relationships (for want of a better word), hoping they'd lead to something serious/stable, the last of which ended horribly 9 months down the line.

I found myself heartbroken once again, and am just getting over that pain now. I was so hurt and so disappointed the way things ended.

Tonight my DS said "I love you mummy, even if daddy gets another lady, it won't be the same".

I was so taken aback (stupidly, I know), I asked him why he would say that and it turns out they're going away for a week together with the new woman.

It's pathetic of me but I feel wretched, hurt, abandoned, worthless even. My life feels devoid of male attention and I wonder really if there's something wrong with me that whilst he's out there with his new woman, I'm here feeling miserable... alone.

It seems each time I get back on track there's something to push me right back off track - it's exhausting.

I'm with you lemon!!

No words of wisdom unfortunately (having been in recent contact with XH and had my life turned upside down again).

It's hard not to react to these situations and a shame that you found out from DC about XH new relationship.

Although I don't regret my DC for a nano-second, there is a part of me that wishes they hadn't been with XH as I wouldn't too be caught in the emotional roller coaster.

You have clearly done incredibly well up to now and that is something to be proud of.

Thanks LL.

I adore my DC, I live for them tbh, but having them relay info to me like this is awful and means I either have to grow a rhino skin or just get through bouts of 'falling apart' like this, as all the feelings come flooding back....

The DC are in bed and I'm sobbing like an idiot, trying to put my finger on why I'm still shedding tears years after the event ?!! Have been on FB to see if I can use my powers of detection to discover who he's with - utterly pathetic.

Oh lemon, I know the sobbing very well - seems pathetic but you can't help it, no matter what you tell yourself.

But you know what? You're amazing, seriously, you've held it together for a
long time, for the sake of your kids.

My DS didn't tell me the times he met two of XH's new gf's, within weeks of each other. XH had the cheek to say that at 17 DS can deal with it, except I know otherwise.

I guess the only advice I can give is to take each day as it comes. Cry when you need to, get angry, be happy, just be you. Because in all of this you are the stronger person.

It took me getting back in touch with XH because I was heading for a breakdown 7 months post breakup to realise that I don't actually want the fucker anymore. I thought I did and thought he'd changed, but he hasn't. It's taken me two months of continuous ups and downs to realise (and all this time he was with his gf) that I can't be the person he wants, because if I was I'd be living a lie. My kids don't deserve that and neither do I.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

I went through the 'too fat, too ugly' phase for a while and thought that I only deserved to be with XH because, with all my hang ups, who else would look at me and want me!

Have you been to see your GP or sought counselling? I'm currently on AD's which are helping a lot and in the early stages of CBT in the hope that I can feel better about myself and my future. Looking back is easy but it comes with so much pain of the 'what ifs'.

Take Care and feel free to PM if you like.