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How long does the lust-crazed part of a new relationship last?

33 replies

DoorToDecember · 30/03/2014 11:17

It's been 7.5 months and I still crave him like mad. Everything feels so lovely and intense, I don't want this stage to stop! Blush

So, MN, how long does this part last?

OP posts:
Dahlen · 31/03/2014 16:37

How long is a piece of string? Grin

There are so many variables here, people can give you averages, but like all averages that doesn't say anything about you and your particular relationship.

A lot depends on your sex drive and your own state of mind, as much as it does on any physical connection between the two of you.

But on average, the honeymoon period, in which the brain is producing lots of lust-inducing hormones, lasts between 6 months and 2 years, with 12-18 months being the most common. After that, common wisdom is that the hormone balance swings towards those that promote longer-term bonding.

But you can effect the timescale enormously by how often you're having sex, how often you see each other, how well you know each other, how 'sated' you feel after sex, external factors such as work/family/your own priorities, etc.

A lot depends on whether you want a good relationship with lots of good sex or just lots of good sex. Either of which is fine. If you want the latter, don't get too personal. There's nothing like knowing your partner's intimate habits to lose a sexual thrill. In a relationship the benefits cancel that negative, but in a sex partner it just kills desire.

IMO, a really good sexual connection withstands the test of time. Few people can really maintain that crazed state of the initial honeymoon period because most of us would drop down dead from the stress that hormonal cascade places on your vital organs and nervous system. However, that doesn't mean it disappears, it just mutates.

All the couples I know who have stood the test of time and are happy, with good sex lives, still have that sexual connection - it's just not as overpowering. They tap into it when they want sex rather than it telling them they want sex every minute they're together IYSWIM. For couples like that, the act of being together and enjoying each other's company is what is craved, rather than sex, and it is this level of intimacy which can hold couples together. If you want a LTR this is the holy grail I suppose. Ironically, to maintain that, what you really need is to be really happy with yourself and your own life first and your partner's attractiveness second. It's easy to feel turned on if you feel desirable.

But for now? Who cares! Enjoy! Grin

Thetallesttower · 31/03/2014 16:44

That stage is so much fun, but as Dahlen says, it might be exhausting to live like that long-term, being unable to concentrate at work, besotted, up all night shagging. I couldn't be bothered to live like that now, too tiring! I think having that time to refer back to though is really important, so you can still remember that crazy in love time, plus I do think you go through cycles as others have said of love and lust in the longer-term and it's nice to remember the glory days as well as be content with the more everyday as well- I would hope a little sparkle lasts though.

amy757 · 14/05/2014 11:04

My vagina says yes so still going strong

amy757 · 14/05/2014 11:04

My vagina says yes so still going strong

littlegreenlight1 · 14/05/2014 12:27

14 months, still get belly flips, miss him when we dont spend the night together, burst with pride when we are together, cant believe we are together, cheesy grins. Love it.
He just text me as he does every lunch break, when that stops Ill worry!

Jan45 · 14/05/2014 12:34

Years, a few at least.

Miggsie · 14/05/2014 12:37

23 years here...went through a dip after childbirth but now very libidinous - it is a state of mind as well as hormones. He's still buying me fab new underwear as well.

Norest · 14/05/2014 12:59

Though if you actually read more deeply into the articles which talk about the 'lust hormones' lasting between a year and 18 months you begin to realise very little is actually known for definite about these hormones and their short / long term affects. Yes there are studies which indicate certain things but they are by no means telling the whole story.

It's become 'accepted wisdom' that it lasts around this 18 month mark, but I think a lot of this is more to do with expectations and cultural assumptions. Also doesn't take into account all the other life factors such as moving in or having children or work or a gazillion other things.

Maybe the better thing to focus on is enjoying yourself and continuing to grow your bond rather than looking for an arbitrary expiry date on your passion.

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