feel low tonight..can't stop crying

[santaandthearmadillo]

feel awful tonight, feel like everything I've felt for a while has slowly built up and turned me in to a blubbering mess.

start from the beginning, I am majorly insecure since having my second dc four months ago, I am fat, wobbly, covered in stretch marks and just feel hideous about myself, have started slimming world and have lost a stone but I'm still fat. I can feel myself slipping off the wagon already.

I'm lonely, I have no friends, our lives took different paths and I never go out, we live in a semi rural area and I don't drive, they cut the busses too and town is around 5-6 miles away. I spend my days on mumsnet and the internet in general.

I don't even get dressed anymore unless I am going out or having visitors. I feel so lonely, dp works full time so we're on our own most days, my daughter doesn't get out nearly enough. she doesn't go pre school as we can't get there.

dp is good for the most part, he is a hands on dad and an affectionate partner. we have our arguments but they never last long. our relationship hasn't really had any major blips aside from one in the very beginning but tbh it's not that I struggle with, he likes the odd drink and I worry when he is drunk he is so easily lead, I worry about him even though he reassures me all the time how much he loves me and finds me attractive.

we're currently expecting number three, (not planned!) I feel overwhelmed, completely and utterly.

dp is out on a stag night tonight and all I've done is worry, he has rang/text and checked up on how the kids are, but I still cannot shake the paranoid needy feeling.

I'm with my children 24/7 and feel like I have lost who I was, even if I did go out I just don't have the confidence anymore, or the friends.

sorry it's so long, just needed to let it out, already had a good cry to my mum..surprised I've got tears left..

It's your hormones Hun, you have just had a baby and is expecting again- they are bond to be crazy. Be kind to yourself, take up an Internet course or some small hobby to distract yourself. I too am a sahm so I know how you can feel lost sometimes.
And my crazy thought for tonight is - I would love another baby! So I'm jealous of you :-)

What area are you in? Have you tried Mumsnet local to see if there is anyone near you in the same position? You sound very isolated and lonely. Would learning to drive be an option for you? You would then be able to access local baby groups and make some friends that way.

You sound so so sad. You will feel better if you can manage to get out more, if I were you I'd think of learning to drive or moving house, you and the children would benefit from making friends.
In the meantime do you think you could go and have a chat with your midwife or doctor?

thank you for the replies. I really needed them.

I am currently learning to drive and we are looking at houses, it just seems so far away though, I feel like I need it now if that makes sense?

I will take a look at mn local, thanks.

I am sad, some days I am happy others I feel like this, I think I might have a chat with the midwife, I see her on Monday..

Do have a chat with the midwife and your GP if necessary. But, as well as looking internally, ask yourself what else needs to change. When you say DP 'likes the odd drink' what do you actually mean? And does 'major blip' at the beginning refer to cheating? Because it would make sense of your anxiety that he's easily led if he's done it before.

I don't know if the stag do was a once in a blue moon event or if he's out all the time either working or socialising but, given than you never seem to leave the house, have no social life, no friends and no transport, there's potential for an inequality there. How often do you get to go out on your own without the children?

Glad you're learning to drive and that you're looking at different houses.

So you feel able to give your general area on here? Someone reading this thread might live near you and be able to offer you some support x

So=Do

if there's no medical reason you can't drive, my advice is that you start learning to drive asap. It will give you so much freedom you won't know yourself.

Cogito, the stag is the first one he's been on since we got together, nearly three years. it's not a regular occurrence.

with regards to the blip...it was around four weeks after we started seeing one another and we were at a NYE party, he was incredibly drunk thanks to his friends egging him on to drink a concoction of alcohol. (easily led again..) we were about to leave and we were doing the usual hugs goodbye to friends when he went to hug a female friend, (they were friends and maybe even had a little fling) next thing I heard her say my dps name and say she felt a bit of tongue then.

I can't be sure what happened obviously and he was too drunk to remember bit did seem very apologetic and embarrassed. the woman in question didn't really acknowledge me or say hello or anything, just spoke to my partner.

I already feel insecure a bit as it is after the dc so things like that do make me worry.

I am currently learning to drive so hopefully I will have more options open to me soon. can't come quick enough.

oh and my time away from the children is a two hour driving lesson on a Tuesday and Slimming world on a Thursday.

he wouldn't think anything of having the dc and me going out, it's just I have no one to go out with.

I really feel for you Santa. You are obviously going through a huge surge of changes physically at the moment and it does sound as if you are just knocked for six.
It does sound as if your DP is trying to support you, and he's even checking from a stag do, so he knows that you are struggling right now.
I moved to a very small town (big village) when I split from exH and I can absolutely understand how isolated you are feeling, and right now the best advice I can give is to force yourself to engage. People are for the most part really nice, and by putting yourself out there you will make friends of your own. Is the SW group local? Perhaps start chatting to a couple of people from there to begin with, suggest meeting for a coffee or a walk with the children? Is there a community newsletter or parish magazine that comes through the door: have a look for any groups you can take a baby along to. Ignore anyone you don't like the look of (or who you feel are judging you) and just go for it. I know it's a huge ask...such a big leap when you are feeling so low, but you are clearly an eloquent and intelligent person and deep down you know that you are the one who has to make the change.
Some things that worked for me (may not be your thing but you get the idea): engaging with the Mums who had children the same age as mine, playdates with coffee for accompanying parents etc, a group which was advertised at the local doctors surgery, church, turning up at community events and sharing our picnic, taking the kids to the park every day even if wet dressed in waterproofs (not with a 4mo obviously), volunteering. And one small thing that turned me round which might help you: do not allow yourself to go downstairs in the morning without getting dressed to shoes, toothbrushed and hair brushed. That felt like such a big win when I'd managed it for 10 days straight, I felt like I was taking my life back.

where are you OP?

Hi momb, all good ideas, we do not have a park here, it's silly, I will try and pull myself together and really try and branch out, I think I'm just a bit shy sometimes. I cannot wait to move! glad to hear you felt better after the changes you made.

I'm in east Cheshire lovelybunch.

Hi Santa, once you have passed your driving test you will gain total freedom and independence and small things like the area you live in not having a park and being able to jump in the car and drive to a park will be life changing! I'm nearly 40 and passed my test in December so good luck to you and get in as many lessons as you can and really go for it, I was learning on and off for years, feeling like I would never pass, and one day just thought fuck it and really focused on passing. Get yr DP to babysit, up your lessons and get your license! Good luck x

Just thought I'd update this thread. We found out we are having a little girl last week, I'm slowly coming to terms with being pregnant again although on a bad day I so sit here and wonder wtf I've done. But that's normal right if the DC are playing up?

No closer to moving yet, need sort the house but some of the stuff i dps parent's, wish they'd sort it out tbh.

One bit of positive news is that my instructor thinks I'm ready for my test so that's been booked. :) I'm hoping that really makes a difference to how I'm feeling!

That's lovely! Focus on passing the test and you will see your confidence coming back. It's little steps that lead to bigger things. Good luck and congrats

Just reading with with such sadness for you as i was exctly the same. Congratulations on your pregnancy :) And well done getting your test booked - we live in a village and I'd be lost without my car.

What helped me was FORCING myself to be sociable, no matter what it took. Any excuse is just that - an excuse. So I made myself talk to the school mums/go to baby groups etc. At first I'd be practically shaking with fear and ringing DP up as soon as I was done. But now I love going out, I've got a life and I've had the BEST days/nights with said school mums. DP recently had 3 weeks off work - last year I'd have been pretty much glued to him but this time I was it and about everywhere.

I still find it hard when he goes out and gets pissed with mates but I'm working on that - I know how you feel.

Good luck x

Good luck with your driving test - it will transform your life. Can you get a babysitter so you and your DH (who sounds lovely) can go out more?

Just thought I'd update to say I passed my test this morning, no more being stuck in!

Fantastic! That'll make such a difference

Well done.

No passingthewine and driving, mind

My DH passed his a few weeks ago and it's been fantastic.

You've come a really long way op. You should be very, very proud :)

Thank you, I've already made plans nearly all next week.