Weekends?

[PGMum]

How do people decide what they do at weekends? We have 2 kids- 7 and 3 who, particularly the 7 year old have various activities that are regular or things like parties. Obviously I'm the most aware of these as I deal with the invites, requests etc. So I guess I'm the one who 'knows' what we're doing at the weekend. Today we decided to go and look for new curtains in the afternoon for room we are decorating. Have now come home, all ok but now he's started on me how I totally controlled today. We've also been invited on a walk tomorrow with friends but he's not keen on doing that. We don't live near our wider family so I enjoy weekends with friends- certainly not all the time but if we're invited somewhere I like to accept. He doesn't organise anything or sort things out with friends for us to do as a family apart from his own social diary. Am
I being controlling?

Well, no, not necessarily, presumably you discuss plans before the weekend occurs, giving the opportunity to discuss plans? Or are you resentful and making plans regardless?

If you just accept invites without checking that's disrespectful.

no I get it. DH is always asking me what the plan is for the weekend. Not because I accept things without asking him but because he doesn't keep track of stuff despite a wall calendar). He just doesn't keep stuff in his head and forgets things like haircuts or errands or DIY purchases that need to be done and fitted in.

I would never not tell him about arrangements and always tell him before the weekend. However it does always feel like it always comes through me but people just generally make the arrangements through the mother I think. Part of me wishes he would take more control. We don't live where we were brought up so
I have made most of the friends we know, through school etc. he's got to know my friends partners. He keeps in contact with 'old' friends which is fine by me. I feel he is unreasonable when we spend an afternoon doing something for the benefit of us all and then tells me I'm controlling. The kids were well behaved trawling round shops but then when I said I felt they had enough he didn't like it as he wanted to go to another shop. It would've been me dealing with the fall out from that though- fed up whinging children.

Do you say to him "xyz have asked us out for a walk tomorrow" before agreeing or do you just go ahead and plan it? I would say he's entitled to have some say over his weekend to. Weekends are difficult I think because they need to please everyone. it is hard to get the balance right

I think this is a two-way process ie if he doesn't want to do stuff at the weekend he should say so. I think that what he probably wants to do at the weekends is mostly nothing!

Is it partly that he works full time and wants to destress and do nothing at the weekends and you are far more sociable and want to meet up?

He is being unreasonable about accusing you of being controlling btw.

Personally I would say "I'm really sorry you feel that way, what would you like to do next weekend?" And go from there. If he doesn't arrange anything then just potter about. he'll either be so bored he'll realise that is why you plan things or, he'll plan something fun and you'll both benefit