Why would a man be interested in a younger woman?

[muchtooshy]

I posted a thread about the man I am (I think) dating and one comment said that men often look for a younger partner when they have been divorced. Why would this be? It made me think about the age gap but I don't notice it in a bad way when we are together.

Some want to find conspiratorial reasons for these things to fit into their social agenda - if they can convince the world that there is a malevolent plan behind it, they can walk around using it to shame people (as with those saying "it's because men are just shallow...snarf...snarf"). Of course, there's plenty of capital and control to be gained if you can convince people to be ashamed of something that's actually just natural.

A lot of these 'reasons' are utter tosh.

I am 10 years younger than my husband. We were 36 when we got together. He has not shaped me - if anything it would be the other way round. I did not pick him for financial reasons - I am the one who provided the sizable house deposit, paid for all the furniture and has put a huge amount of money into the joint pot of money since then.

Should say I was not we were

Cos men are generally more immature?

I know quite a few couples where the man is the younger partner, in fact thinking about all of our friends nearly all the men are younger, the biggest age gap being about 11yrs.

In a traditional couple isn't the man the older partner, woman normally go for older men I think.

When I was 26 I met my now ex-partner. She was 37. No one batted an eyelid because I had always been regarded as "mature for my years" (or worse, "old before my time").

We had a 10-year relationship although I should have jumped ship a few years before for assorted reasons.

I have been single for the last few years but the age gap definitely became an issue. However, I when I was online dating I was looking for someone between four years younger and one year older than I am. Not because I want to 'spread my seed in fertile ground' as I don't want kids. I just feel most comfortable now with people in that bracket and most of my friends are in that bracket.

Not because I want to 'spread my seed in fertile ground
mostly it is sub-conscious

Wouldnt it depend on the age?

I know someone whos ex was in his 40s when they got together, she was 18. All his gf before her had been the same sort of age. Def a control thing in this case

Posters... bear in mind the OP is the younger woman! :) Comments about how the guy is shallow or only after sex or status don't quite match up with her ... more the stereotype! She sounds really genuine.

OP I would like to think he likes you and you happen to be younger than him. Rather than an ulterior motive. :)

I think there may be a subconscious biological thing too ... after all, back in the day (pre IVF) sex was the only way to have babies and new woman = chance to make babies. Men would stay with a matriarch but for a fresh start obvious signs of youth might be hardwired in as 'sexy'. But we no longer live in those times and I know plenty of women of all ages dating I hasten to add! :)

For a whole range of reasons.

Some men are just predatory and controlling and use their wealth and power to woo younger women and see the ‘acquisition’ of a pretty blonde thing on their arm as status symbol rather than an equal partner in a relationship.

Some men have zero confidence around women and find it easier to talk to younger girls rather then people their own age.

For what is worth I remember when I was a young 20 something bloke and it used to frustrate me as to how many women from my peer group actively sought out older men. Of course at the time we were told that the attraction of the older man was down to his confidence, intelligence, maturity and various other noises about knowing how to ‘treat a women’. I am sure the fast cars, weekend breaks in European capitals, nice restaurants and being showered with gifts had nothing to do with things.

fewer wrinkles and more likely to fall for their bullshit

Haha Odear, CuChullain's interpretation... So cynical!

To the OP, your 15 years is the perfect age difference! Don't know if you noticed another thread with people talking about age gaps in general, I commented that mine was a 15 yr difference and it was 'perfect' - it seemed to confuse some people lol, but there we go.

Me and my DP fell in love because we got talking and had tons in common. He is gorgeous and a great dresser, well if I go on... he is basically perfect in every way... I'll stop now. But if u r in love u r in love for many reasons.

If you only like somone becuase they are older/younger whatever shallow reasons, then there's no point to the relationship is there.

What does he say about your age difference? Does it even come up in conversation?

I don't think it's a massive gap especially once you pass your mid 20s.

There again I'm used to age gaps. My nan was 19 when she eloped with granddad and he was 43. My sister is 42 and her DH is 67 ( they have been married for 17 years)

By the way my sisters DH, that I mentioned in my post int sleazy or pervy. He's a dead nice bloke and my sister is a bit on the bossy side!

The main reason in the past has been that younger women are more fertile and older men have more money and status. It probably still is the case for some people (though there is quite a thing these days for men in their late 20s to seek out older women ie 45 and over because these women don't have the biological clock thing going on).
But there are various reasons. Some people are pretty much middle aged at 25 - want to focus on domestic life, watch TV, sit on the sofa etc - while others still act like teenagers well into their 40s.
THere certainly are cases of older men deliberately picking young girls in order to control and abuse them, but there are generally other red flags as well as the age difference.

Because they are more beautiful ! It's more of a turn in to have a fresh young person.

As long as you want the same things out of life then there's no problem.
You say he doesn't want kids. Do you have any? Do you want more?
That would probably be the only sticking point.

My OH traded down with me.
I'm older than is ex by 4-5 years.

Gravity hasn't had so long to make it's mark.

Of course it's to do with looks:
Younger women might be more likely to look like this .
Older women more likely to look like this

DH's much younger OW thought he was god's gift. I of course knew that god had bugger all to do with it- most of the good stuff was down to years of effort by yours truly.

Ego

This question is unanswerable! It depends on the guy. Yes, some might want a younger woman for aesthetics or easily-won admiration, but others might genuinely like someone who just happens to be younger. There are no rules, because people are all different. Just because there is an age gap certainly does not mean there is something to worry about.

15 years is a pretty big gap, to me. When you are a spry 70 year old, he'll be 85 and probably falling apart.

Nothing wrong with gaps as long as both are realistic.

CuChallian i read an interview with a certain Eastenders actor this week which confirmed (rubber stamped) why i usually go for older men.

Just one quote from him about actresses " its harder for women because they have a shorter career" Women have a shorter time span because often they have a peak moment"

There seems to be a lot of mysogyny from men in my own age group. All of the older men ive been with have been on either low wages or benefits btw.

Simple fact is that men are more visual creatures than women. Women go for the man who can be other things, attentive, caring, loving, funny, provider etc. All the things that a man should acquire with maturity. Men are also pre programmed to go for fertility, and then there is the fact that, like for like a man will be stronger, so a younger woman may well be more on a par with him physically. An age gap where the man is a few years older is ideal to cover all of the above.

For the same reason I like younger men...looks! shallow

My XBF and I split because he was lovely but immature and lazy. I was 38 at the time and had DC and needed to be with someone who wanted to spend his weekends with me and not down the pub ALL weekend. He lived like an 18 year old. When we split, his next GF was 21. It made total sense to me because they were at the same stage in life mentally ie going out every weekend, drinking, just doing the things I did when I was early twenties.
I think they are very suited (I know tone doesn't come across well with the typed word but I mean this genuinely and not bitchily, I am happy for them) Without saying this in a bitchy way, he had the maturity levels of a 21 year old, although I think his GF is prob waaaay more mature still
When I mentioned to a couple of male friends that he was dating a 21 yo they were all "Good for him" which I found strange. Why him (he was 39 btw) seeing a girl that young made sense to me, I wonder what their reaction would have been if I'd been seeing a 21 yo.
I wouldn't, btw, I'd feel like their mother!