Has anyone ended it with someone they love but they know is not right for them?

[endlessdrudgery]

Just that really. Have posted here before but name changed. I ended a relationship a couple of days ago after three years. I'm in my late forties and a single mum and wondering if I'm crazy because it could have changed my life but I just wasn't getting my emotional needs met. Maybe I want too much? Any one been there? It's so tempting to pick up the phone. I have hurt him and could go back but all the same issues will still be there...

I think for a friendship you need time to know that you're really over each other. For me and my ex it would never have been possible. I actually went back and slept with him two weeks after we split up I was already seeing someone else I sort of knew going to see him that sex was going to end up happening, I literally could not resist him, but he was like a drug (sorry to be cliche!) and he really wasn't healthy for me at all.

withextradinosaurs well he does, but then he doesn't seem to invest any time or effort into the here and now. I don't think he's very interested in the dc's either, he just goes through the motions. I don't ever want them to feel the way I do.

Sorry to hijack endlessdrudgery, just wanted to say I know how you feel.

The whole thing fucked me up for ages, actually. I dated this other guy who then dumped me for cheating on him (fair enough). Then waited about 2 months, convinced myself I was totally fine and sorted and ready to date and jumped into a relationship with the bloke who would be DS' father, emotional abuser and control freak extraordinaire. I could see the red flags from early on but I could not bring myself to end another relationship because it hurt so much when I'd done it the last time and I literally thought that I would break :(

I should have given myself more time and space to get over him. In truth I did not get over the first guy until after I'd left DS' dad, 3 or 4 years later. Although I think XP promoted my feelings for him because I used to mentally compare them and miss him like crazy. For all he was unhealthy and hurt me, it was nothing to the loneliness of being with XP.

With DH now he is the first person I've been with where it's like the nice times with the ex-bf, but none of the shit and the hurt. I actually realised that I think the only two times I've really been in love and not kidding myself are with DH and with ex-bf. I wouldn't look at ex-bf now. Totally different stage of life and unimaginable. But I do remember what I saw in him at the time.

Ilove that reminds me of this blog post, where you're always making plans and waiting for the magical future to happen but feeling a bit down/stuck in the moment. Maybe you should show it to him?

waitbutwhy.com/2013/11/life-is-picture-but-you-live-in-pixel.html

Yes he was always talking about 'when we live together' and 'when we are married' but nothing actually happened. Essentially I was single but with a weekend together every two or three weeks as we lived a bit of a distance apart. I suspect that deep down this rather suited him.

There is no hijacking Ilovemydog, just shared experience which is helping me to stay strong.

Oh bless you endlessdrudgery, we can help each other along.

Bertie that blog is brilliant. I'm always telling my children to appreciate what they've got. They're probably a bit young to understand! I always appreciate everyday life, having lost my parents and my DMil. Normal everyday life means that everything is fine and nothing has gone wrong. Small mercies and all that. Simple pleasures.

Hmm. I'm not sure if I'm honest! The last 2 years or so we were together we had become more like friends. I think that helped.

I was also very upfront with him when I started dating again. The way you would be, with a friend.

The only problem we have now is that he has met someone (who has now moved in) and she doesn't want to meet me! I do sort of understand, but after 10yrs apart, and us still being good friends, I am curious as to why she wouldn't want to meet up - especially given I'm now married with kids anyway!! He hasn't specifically said she doesn't want to meet me, but they've been together over a year now, and I keep inviting them as a couple round for dinner, but it never happens.

Mind you, I"m not the jealous type, maybe she is. To me, it seems odd, But to her, could seem odd to want to meet his ex-fiance! I get that.