Not sure what happened here

[DollyRocker1]

I'm not looking to get my ex back. Just want to learn from the situation.

I was dating a guy for nearly 2 years. Despite being in his late 30s I was his first proper relationship. I was a bit surprised by this but didn't want to see this as a red flag.

Things had been going very well up until recently. We didn't live together but I spent weekends and holidays with him and he had integrated me into his family. However 2 weeks ago he tells me that although he loves me an awful lot when he watched his sister get married recently 'he couldn't do it'. He said that he really wanted our relationship to work out but no matter how much he thought about it he couldn't make it work.

What frustrates me is that no time did he mention any concerns/ doubts about the relationship to me, so there was no opportunity for us to try to work things out together.

Do you think a lack of relationship experience has made him shy about making a commitment? I never brought up marriage or moving into together. And these doubts have only arisen since his sister's wedding.

Or maybe he just isn't in love with me or doesn't know what he really feels? I presume it's difficult to quantify what you feel for another person if you have no previous experience.

I'm over the shock now and am just very confused. I keep dreaming about us which I didn't do when we were together. And wondering what our future could have been.

I think it's the other way around OP - the lack of desire to commit has led him to be shy of relationships .

I don't think there's anything you could have done or said differently.

I just feel that I've been a bit naive in not calling him out sooner but he gave all the signs that he was serious about me. Maybe deep down he did want the relationship to succeed but taking the next steps forward were just too much for him.

It may just be that he really isn't that much into you and, although he was fairly happy with the relationship, maybe with the wedding he started considering moving forward and you were not the one.
It happens.

It's better for both than stringing you along for longer.

Its not really to do with you OP, the issues are all his & I doubt you could learn anything from it.

From what you have said it sounds as if its something insurmountable that he couldn't reconcile & you couldn't have helped, so there was no point trying to make your relationship work. It could have been anything from facing up to a part of his sexuality that he hasn't acknowledged before, to realising he doesn't want a long term relationship to panicking because relatives kept winking at him saying you're next....

Perhaps the sister's wedding has made him think about what he wants for his future which is why its happened so suddenly.

I broke up with my ex a month ago. Long story short I have had to be in touch with my ex to get my stuff back and it's sent my fairly good recovery back in reverse.

I keep wishing that things could have been different. But I know he can't give me the type of loving long term relationship that I want.

But whenever he e-mails me it sets me back big time to the point where I regret the relationship even though we had some good times. My things are being delivered on Thursday and I know it'll make me cry.

I would like to eventually start dating but just can't imagine kissing or being with someone else at present. How long does it take before you can see yourself dating and being with someone else?

Six months for each year

Who made up those rules?

I think everyone is different and people all have their own timeframe.

Know the saying "To get over one man get under another"?

Not advocating that by the way....