I am now, after their behaviour at our wedding, not a massive fan our my DH's family. Its clear that they don't care about us. Unfortunately husband will not address it directly with them and I feel unable to as I'm not that close to them.
It started last year. For some reason their contact with us dwindled to almost nothing. Our wedding was in October and my mum emailed DH's step mum to see how she was and if she needed anything for the wedding (she's his step mum loosely his dad left his mother for her when DH was 14 and wasn't therefore involved in bringing them up. DH holds no grudges) His step mum replied that what colour were the flowers as she was worried they might clash with her dress. Mum, who pretended she didn't know for some reason, asked me to email her. So i did, a nice breezy 'hello, how are you? Mum mentioned you didn't know what colours the flowers are, they are pale pink by the way'. i got back 'i feel so sad that you think i am interfering, all i did was ask your mum as she emailed me about something else'. I was so confused. I then rang her and she then completely denied asking my mum. I had seen the email so I knew this was not true.
They came in July to visit i sensed some tension but i couldn't put my finger on it and carried on entertaining their 14 year old daughter with my make up etc. She had an amazing time and i got a 'hugs and kisses' email from the step mum afterwards. Then nothing.
We heard nothing from them until the day before the wedding. We tried to call them but they were always out or whatever. I think we tried them twice. When we did speak to them, DH's father was like 'everything is fine, we will see you on the day'.
Anyway, the night before the wedding, they didn't turn up to the rehearsal. They then both kind of avoided speaking to me the evening before at the get together. I got on with welcoming our other guests.
The morning of the wedding, Step mum started asking my mum apparently where my DH's north mums money had gone (they had a messy divorce and she died, leaving us a derelict house in Spain the year previously). She and her husband then went on about how much stress the wedding had caused them (?!) and how it was so difficult coming down the night before as they are now both working full time. Then said apparently they had been annoyed as we had asked what her dress was like (we asked once! to make sure she didn't clash with my mum).
Anyhow, our wedding planner made an error in our seating plan at the church and put them on the wrong side so they were behind my parents. DH was waiting for me to arrive and asked them to move, his dad refused to move, angrily. The his step mum mouthed to him 'he's not happy'. As we had the photos taken she then said to my dad that DH's dad was going to leave before the reception because of where he was sitting during the ceremony. WTF?
So the wedding came and went and we didn't hear from them. Sent them a thank you card for the flowers they paid for. No response. Sent an email with some wedding photographs of them and their daughter. no response.
We didn't hear from them from October until Christmas day when my DH rang them to wish them happy christmas. It turns out they were with the rest of the family and that we had not been invited for Christmas and oh, he didn't really know what to do with the wedding photos. DH was really quite upset, but won't confront them about it.
The next time we heard from them was yesterday when we announced that we were expecting our first child and his response 'oh, good, oh, not another one......well do keep in touch'.
In January, we had a call from DHs very quiet brother mumbling something about 'we needed to speak to them...not seeing them at christmas.....wedding wasn't how a wedding should be...'. Wouldn't give any more details. DH rang them and said 'fred said i should ring you', his dad denied anything 'noo nothing to discuss.
i am so sad because its such a contrast to how they used to treat my DH and I and we really don't know what we have done wrong. We have always made a huge amount of effort with them, discarded the traditional head table as step mum said it made her uncomfortable at the last family wedding, we've always been very thoughtful and it feels like nothing matters. I just can't believe anyone would behave like this on a special day and break contact when they know their only other parent died the previous year.
I don't get it, my DH was their daughters god father, we've been to masons meals with them, we've gone to theirs with my family and now its no contact.
i feel they have put him through a lot, a messy divorce, using him as a pawn etc to find out information etc, he was the youngest so witnessed all the arguments etc.
DH received a letter from his dads former secretary a couple of years ago telling him that they have a son together that none of his dads family know about. DH ignored it and when he gets angry suggests that he should approach his dad about it. I don't think this will solve anything.
Half of this I guess is seeking advice, half of this is a rant. I don't know what to do, i have thought about writing a letter to them but I feel this will probably be ignored. I just feel so sad that my unborn baby looks unlikely to ever meet this side of the family if things continue.