We can't be together because of circumstance

[Sleepinmummy]

I have been 'seeing' this guy for eight months now. How we met is quite the romantic story but irrelevant. We get on incredibly well and the connection is electric - I've never felt this before, ever. We know each other well and we have a way of being able to tell each other anything.

Here comes the problem, we thought at first it would just be something fun and casual as neither of us were looking for a relationship. Thing is now we've realised there is something special we have to end it.

We cannot ever be together because we live far away from each other and both have kids (it's not an affair btw) and so cannot relocate due to ex's, iyswim. Whilst I would love to live in the countryside where he is, I could not cope with all that driving so that my kids could see their father. Plus I think what we have is perhaps a bit fantasy because of the limited time together. A relationship built on fun times, not real life when we are together.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for, but I suppose I wondered if anyone else had to give up someone they had very strong feelings for because they could never be together properly? It's kind of like the one that got away....

Doesn't I mean

Yes I have given up someone I adored. It nearly killed me. It took a long time (and some other circumstances becoming apparent after we split) and a lot of yo-yoing back and forth before I finally accepted it and was able to give him up.

I hazard a guess (based on all this star crossed lovers stuff and your hints about the romance of how you met) that you're quite the fan of the whole story / romance / daram of the relationship and I'm not sure how well that bodes for a future together

I'm going to sound like I'm pudding on your chips...
You haven't had an "us" discussion, and you "think" it's because he wants to enjoy the time you have, and it's him saying it's not going to work practically so he doesn't want to get in deeper?

Love, I think he's quite happy with it all. I don't think he sounds as into it as you are. I'd find out the truth on that before thinking about how to make it work.

There are different types of set ups. My boyfriend only lives 10 mins away, but we already know we won't move in together for at least 5 years. PR for a child each, different schools, neither of us want them to move schools, both of us want them to grow up in the community where they go to school. Just how it is. Living together isn't the only way.

In your case, depends whether he's more important to you than another child.

Even without moving, why haven't you both done something about child arrangements so you're more in line with each other?

Sorry if I'm missing something but I don't see the problem, your ex has the kids all weekend so they are free for seeing your dp surely?

My DH and I lived 2.5 hours apart for a year with not much money for visiting, we made it work. Albeit with no kids, but it is doable. People love countries apart and manage it if they really want to.

However I can't help but feel like what you've said about him being 'worried about your feelings growing and the distance becoming difficult' (or something along those lines, I'm on my phone), is a bad sign. It really like a get out of jail free card excuse to me.

Urgh excuse the typos!

Thought I'd give an update. We met up today and I asked where things are going. He reiterated how strong his feelings are but has basically said that he doesn't want a girlfriend at the moment and his current focuses in life means He doesn't have enough time to invest in a LDR.

I feel weird about it. In a way I knew it would never 'be' but Something gave me a bit of hope I suppose. So onwards and upwards now. It was easyish getting over my ex as he hurt me lots but this guy hasn't hurt me