Spoilt Brat?

[WinkyWinkola]

I KNOW this will seem like a minor complaint but we had a huge row over it. I won't be able to sleep tonight methinks.

It's my birthday next week. It's not a big one but it's also our wedding anniversary on the same day.

DH asked me to send him some ideas of gifts that I would like for my birthday. I sent him a list of about ten items for him to choose from. Nothing special - just some cosmetics, books etc.

He came home tonight and said he's just going to give me £ instead and then I can buy what I want. He has no time to go into Boots he says and thinks that buying Clarins yet again is very uninspiring.

I was really really cheesed off. This man has spent hours on the 'net organising stag dos for his friends, always manages to sort out gifts for his mum, niece and nephew. When it comes to me though, he just can't seem to be bothered. I pointed all this out to him and he told me to shut up.

Baby started crying of course at this point. DH refused to help with the baby - imagine supper on at the same time, bit chaotic etc. Vicious exchange follows.

So after an hour of settling baby, I finally get to go shopping at Tesco's at 10pm, come back to find plates and dirty dishes everywhere. DH tucked up in bed.

Am I being a spoilt brat? I just want him to be bothered to put some thought into a gift for me like he does for everyone else. I don't care how much he spends.

Am I a spoilt brat then?

WinkyWinkola

Needs a kick in the nuts I reckon

sorry-not much help but don't think you ae being a spoilt brat...

Sounds like your DH needs to do something for you. He should certainly have cleared up before sneaking off to bed. Men that's all I can say and you made it easy for him by giving him a list. He sounds like the spoilt brat to me, wanting just to do his own thing. I think you should organise yourself a girls night out with friends use the money he gives you for that and leave him home alone

No, he is
No advice but hope you get it sorted out to your satisfaction. Could write him a letter stating everything you have told us, then he can't interrupt or tell you to shut up

Incidentally, if my dh has got one on him, his weapon of choice is to interrupt me, talking loudly, then say I am going on about X. Of course I am going on, I have yet to finish my sentence!

He's the spoilt brat, not you.

Why bother asking you if he has no intention of getting you anthing himself? I would rather DH made the effort to buy what I asked for (even if I i know what I am geting!) instead of just throwing money at me.

Sweetheart love - I had the same thing at Christmas - ran myself ragged - had 17 people here and had a miscarriage 4 days before - DH bought me a small gift bag from Burts Bees ( lip salve,hand cream etc) that DS had bought me for my birthday in April and a book I'd already read. My mother bought me a pair of cheap earrings knowing fine well I'm allergic to nickel and wrapped up one of those free selection things from Boots No 7 - buy the mascara, lipstick etc and get this goody bag free!!
I'd done everything possible including all the food shopping ( in between the D and C at the hospital) DD and DS had loads of pressies to open, cards were all written by me,crackers were home - made,DH and my brother were given amongst other things a weekend away on a cookery course ( both seem to think they're Gordon F*cking Ramsay!! )in Devon and I had a bit of a melt down after I got all the food on the table ( after they had been to the pub for 2 hours) walked the dogs (3 of them ) and they said I was hormonal - even My mum said it ..{angry]

So no love you are not being selfish

no I think you're entitled to expect a little effort. However to save myself birthday/anniversary angst I decided that we would only really go to town for Christmas for the two of us. Mind you the year he got me a copy of his sweatshirt because " you borrow mine all the time" was not one that goes down in the Martha Stewart Best Christmas Ever book.

tbh tho - why didn't he help with the baby? I'd be more worried about him thinking not helping is acceptable.

wow yeahinaminute - that was some christmas! I just hope your mother and dh were suitably ashamed by their thoughtlessness. So ironic that your dh got the cookery course in Devon gift while you did the christmas cooking.

Anyway, winkywinkola - your husband sounds like he was in a throughly bad mood and was determined to take you for granted. I hope you make up today. But as for giving you money, is that such a bad idea really? I must admit I prefer shopping for something for myself that is dh's gift to me. And I then get a day to myself for the shopping, while dh looks after the children.

It is really nice if dh surprises me sometimes but as a rule, I'd rather do the shopping for my gift myself - dh is not a good shopper and his taste is not the same as mine.

What sort of gifts does youe dh get his other relatives? if he really puts lots of thought and time into choosing into them and finds some fab and unusual things that are just right, then yes, in your shoes I would be very cross he was not making an effort for his wife. But if he really just chooses them obvious stuff that takes 10 minutes to find and order, then I wouldn't feel so short changed by having a money gift.

yeahinaminute- so sorry about your miscarriage, and that you had no help or support from your family. Presumably this year your dh and brother will be cooking?!

winky I do understand how you feel. At xmas I make lists or presents to buy for ds, dd, dh and all others, PLUS a list of what I want for him to choose from. And still he has trouble, moaning he "doesn't know what to get". Sometimes I get upset at his spectacular lack of interest/effort, but it never changes. Maybe this year I won't write a list!

Bloody men - they are mostly all the same with a few exceptions!

Last year on my birthday DH had gone to work before I was awake. No card. No pressie. Not even a text message! Finally rang at about 3pm as I was finishing up lunch with some friends before rushing to get DS from school.

Mind you one year I gave him a "wish list" of suggestions for Xmas (a bit like you did) and he bought everything on the list!!!! Good result!

Another year I got a book "DIY Guide to Making your own Will".

First Xmas together I got lots of chocolates, bottle of Amaretto, shortbread etc etc. And a book called "Think yourself Slim".

I suggest you take the money (plus some!) and take yourself off for the day and lieave him minding the children.