I am pretty resigned to the fact that my marriage is over but I would appreciate an unclouded view. DH and I are married 11 years with 3 DC. We have had problems on and off since the DC were born even attending counselling after DC 2 was born. Things were better then as he put more effort in to being a father and husband-prior to that he was acting as the counsellor termed a 'married single' out all the time no regard for family time etc. He is better but only on his terms - he will bring DC (usually 2 of the 3) out when it suits him and to do things he likes but will not do anything as a family of 5.
He will go out with his friends/family but will never do anything with me - I suggested a date night once a fortnight or monthly even and he just laughed at me. I am blue in the face saying that for things to get better we need to work at it, make time for each other but he just doesn't get that. I only see him at weekends as he works nights and I have come to dread the weekends as he just wants to do his own thing, do a couple of hours with the DC and basically the rest of the time is his own. I work full time also and that coupled with managing the children before and after work all bedtimes dinners baths etc means I feel just as entitled to down time at the weekend and would love for one weekend to go by without a fight (or 10).
In the interests of full disclosure we also have huge problems with sex and intimacy in general - well I do. I don't enjoy sex, am totally inhibited can't let go, have never had an orgasm- you get the picture. I sometimes enjoy it if I get into it but just can't seem to let go fully. Therefore it's always there as an issue-if we have sex he is not happy with the way it went. He is not happy that I don't want it, he's not happy with how often we have sex. I need to feel loved and wanted and he doesn't do that. He is only nice to me when he wants sex. If there is no chance he makes no effort.
I am so unhappy. I don't know if I love him. I only feel anger and resentment when I look at him. We disagree about parenting, money. We can't communicate- I am a shouter and he is a sulker. We never ever have a laugh. No hugs kisses in jokes. No nights curled up on the couch watching a movie unless he thinks sex might happen and it probably will because I feel I owe him to do it but get nothing out of it.
But we have 3 lovely children. On the one hand I feel we are messing them up staying together, on the other hand I feel we will mess them up if we split and break up their home. I can't live this shit life though. And I feel it's a bit shit for them too with the atmosphere in the home. When Monday comes around and I know I won't see him for the week I feel more relaxed until Friday looms again.
This is long and if you have read to the end thank you. I would appreciate any thoughts/advice.