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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Found DP on two dating sites

88 replies

bouquetdiva · 23/03/2014 14:04

Well last weekend we were looking at new beds and discussing moving in together and this weekend I found him on both Speed Dater and Zoosk!

We had a few ups and downs last year, but thought we had resolved things and that we were moving forward, holidays booked etc. I feel shocked and let down. He is 44 and has never settled, so perhaps commitment issues.

That is it really, just wanted to share. I know there are a lot worse stories on here.

OP posts:
Isthereanyhope · 23/03/2014 17:55

Don't waste your time and energy on him any further. No plan of revenge, just move on and do well.

It's all about you, get out there, find someone worthy of you and have fun!

He is not worth another moment's thought.

Original poster
bouquetdiva · 23/03/2014 17:57

Oh I love it too!!

It is crazy that he has done this. Really let himself down.

OP posts:
chateauferret · 23/03/2014 19:31

Spend a happy week looking forward to the look on his face when he saunters back expecting you to be oh so grateful that he has condescended to forgive you this once and instead of being crawled to and simpered at is told that:

(a) he is an arse the size of France
(b) you thoroughly enjoyed your "punishment" and
(c) he can Fuck Off like he's never fucked off before.

Twat.

lemonbabe · 23/03/2014 23:36

Wish we could name, picture, and out these kinds of men.

Would that be illegal ? Cos if not, that would be fab, can you just imagine the fun us girls could have with a website that outed all these @r$es ?!!

It could be called netadick.com or arses-r-us.com Grin

Think we'd all have a few likely candidates for that !!!

But sorry for having to go through this, men can be so blatantly dishonest, it's soul destroying. Walk away from this with your head held high - the man does not deserve a loving relationship.

forumdonkey · 24/03/2014 07:15

It was this thread that prompted me to do some research too. I too saw an icon on BF's favourites but thought it could be an old one from before we were exclusive. After he was too busy to see me last week and reading this thread I decided to check it out. Sure enough he was there - looking for 'the one' 'the only thing missing in his life'. I made a profile complete with my photo and messaged him. I bet he wasn't expecting that!!

I am completely heartbroken and gutted. I'm embarrassment and humiliated - what a public slap in the guts.

Only1scoop · 24/03/2014 07:24

Forum that's awful Hmm

Treaclepot · 24/03/2014 07:28

Oh Forum, hope you are okay.

forumdonkey · 24/03/2014 07:33

It was only 4 weeks ago that he sent an unprompted email declaring his feelings for me, saying he loved me and was in love with me that much it scared him and if you knew him he is not one for showing emotions or declaring his feelings.

I have a big fuck off email waiting in my draft - my every thought and feeling in it. Still trying to decided if to press send or leave in silence.

forumdonkey · 24/03/2014 07:37

Thanks for your kindness. Honestly I'm in bits but I have to try and pull myself together to get through work.

mammadiggingdeep · 24/03/2014 07:44

Forum :( I'm sorry. At least you know though. Flowers

forumdonkey · 24/03/2014 07:51

Send the fuck off email or not?

BitOutOfPractice · 24/03/2014 08:06

Oh forum Sad

I would say no. I think nothing will drive him more insane than complete silence. My wanker ex always used to say "No answer is the best answer" and he was right about that one thing because he is a twat in every other respect

lemonbabe · 24/03/2014 08:13

FORUM: maintain a dignified silence. Indifference kills men more than us rantin and ravin. Write down everything you feel always... never send it.

Only1scoop · 24/03/2014 08:15

Forum Did you send a message from the profile you set up? Angry

forumdonkey · 24/03/2014 08:20

Ohhh yes I sent him a message complete with my photo from the dating profile I created

Only1scoop · 24/03/2014 08:27

Forum....think I'd leave it at that....

In similar circumstances years ago I wish I'd kept a dignified silence.

LavenderGreen14 · 24/03/2014 09:06

I agree - silence. Let the fecker sweat too.

LoisPuddingLane · 24/03/2014 09:11

So he's sent you to Coventry for a week, for having the gall to call him on this? I suggest that you stay in Coventry, i.e., change all your contact details. So when he decides you've been punished enough and can come back in from the cold, he won't be able to contact you.

forumdonkey · 24/03/2014 09:26

I've been so upset and distressed the utter betrayal has consumed me. I went back on the site this morning and it said I had over 100 inbox messages -??? can that be right? ?? Anyway that got me thinking to something I'd not thought of. maybe I should stay on the site and get back on the horse Wink

Only1scoop · 24/03/2014 09:27

Forum....
Every cloud and all that my love Wink

LavenderGreen14 · 24/03/2014 09:34

Forum - my experience of those sites is the men send many begging and desperate messages to women, and are mostly ignored. I too set up a fake profile when my ex was discovered on a site like that - it was a salacious pic and bio I must admit, but I got hundreds of messages, and blimey, these men were both desperate and pathetic in equal measure. I also read the messages my ex sent to women and they were both laughable and cringeworthy. He had very few replies and as time went on his messages got more beseeching and grim. If it wasn't so awful it would have been hilarious.

Original poster
bouquetdiva · 24/03/2014 20:51

Forum, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you too! Wine. What has happened today?

As I am still in Coventry, it has been very quiet here.

OP posts:
forumdonkey · 24/03/2014 21:27

Bouquet sorry I hijacked your thread but it was your post that rang so many bells - seeing the dating icon on his favorites that got me thinking and made me check.

I've not heard a thing from him since I sent the message to him on the dating site. I bet he got the shock of his life when he saw it was me messaging him. You'd think he'd at least grow some balls and at the very least apologise but no nothing not even an excuse.

How are you feeling Bouquet? Its gutting isn't it and I feel so ashamed and humiliated Sad and very very sad as things had been so good. I just keep think WTF

BitOutOfPractice · 25/03/2014 08:28

I think it must be peaceful in Coventry. No wankbadger a to disturb you!

Hope you're ok x

Donkey you have nothing to feel embarrassed about. You have done nothing wrong. I hope you're ok as well

I speak from experience when I say I know what a horrible shock it is (although the site I found my ex on was a little less salubrious than a dating site)

Original poster
bouquetdiva · 25/03/2014 09:34

Thanks Practice.

Donkey - no worries about hijacking my thread - I am sorry that it prompted what has happened to you. I even wondered if it would have been better if we had not looked??

I'm feeling absolutely sick and gutted, can't stop thinking about it and wondering who he has met and when. He has a lovely photo and will have no problem meeting people.

Like you, I expected an apology instead of this complete silence. Yes, it is a complete shock and I miss him too!

Good for you for sending the message and photo! He deserved a shock like the one he gave you.

How are you feeling now? I reckon you should start to talking to some of the guys who messaged you!

OP posts: