Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex-p trying to spy on me!

53 replies

MoonshineWashingLine · 23/03/2014 07:40

I am seething right now! Some of you may remember my other threads but I need to vent and also could do with fresh advice on this one. Ex-p has hit a new low.

When he left (i asked him to leave) last week he took the laptop with him, I didn't mind as it was for his work and I have my phone anyway. So fast forward to Friday (we met at play centre so he could see dd) and he says 'you can have the laptop for the weekend, I have my sister's one, but watch it because it has a virus' so I didn't even ask for the laptop but I said ok and took it. He also said not to shut it down, just hibernate it otherwise the virus messes it up. After I checked my bank and emails this 'virus' was doing my head in so I tried to get rid if it. Scanned using avg etc and found nothing so I had a look in the history to see if he'd been on any dodgy websites. Within seconds I find a whole load of searches and downloads of key loggers, spying software and even remote monitoring software! He had download at least 4 key loggers and after my friend looked at yesterday it we also found that the webcam appears to be recoring constantly but we cannot find where it is being saved! He had even downloaded a programme to make it look like the laptop has a virus when it hasn't!! Needless to say I am mortified he could stoop so low.

My passwords are now all changed (used different laptop!) And I have informed the police. Not just about the laptop spying but the whole history of his abuse. I feel much better having done so. Today I am going to block him on Facebook and set up an email address solely for contacting him.

Does anyone know anything about the legality of his spying actions? The police officer I spoke to didn't know anything about computers so he struggled to grasp the gravity of it. He took the whole thing very seriously though and was very honest and helpful.

Ex-p doesn't know about any of this yet but he will do very soon. I am still very scared of him and will be getting the locks changed too. Thankfully I have amazing friends and family who have been there for me. One of my friends is staying on my sofa at the moment so I'm not on my own.

Also I want to say thank you to all the people on here who have replied to my other threads and helped me to get to this point. I regret nothing.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 23/03/2014 09:08

I don't have a solicitor and really didn't want to go down the legal route with regards to contact with dd but I fear he may have left me no choice. I really don't know what to do on that front. I guess it depends on how he reacts when I tell him and block him later.

I really don't feel comfortable with the idea of leaving dd with him at all, even for a short time. I am even worried about meeting him in a public place like we did this weekend. The police officer just said its a civil matter and they wouldn't get involved.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/03/2014 09:14

Given his behaviour, you need a solicitor. He is clearly not going to be cooperative, quite the opposite, so you cannot rely on him keeping to promises or behaving reasonably. It's a pity because it's a lot easier and cheaper when everyone can be amicable but, in order to protect yourself and your DD short and long-term, I think you need some legal welly and fast. Start as you mean to go on.... take it out of 'personal' and let him try pulling his stupid tricks and mind-games on a court. See how far he gets. Hmm

JamNan · 23/03/2014 09:22

Is it possible that he has read your threads on here too? Cover your back. Get legal advice asap. And Women's Aid.

LavenderGreen14 · 23/03/2014 09:25

I agree - call Women's Aid - they will advise and help you.

CookieDoughKid · 23/03/2014 09:27

Wtf. What's his motive though? Is he trying to steal money out of you? Apply for credit? Just confront him straight. Don't give laptop back and let him know you mean utter business about prosecuting him. Its illegal and its not on. Even if you don't intend to go down the prosecution route I'd make a huge fuss.

SolidGoldBrass · 23/03/2014 09:32

OK, you now have to treat this man entirely as an enemy because that's what he is. Cut all communication for the present and get a solicitor; get every incident of abuse recorded.
You can get this man put in his place. Good luck.

PartialFancy · 23/03/2014 09:34

Sussex Police: What is the Computer Misuse Act?

"Unauthorised Access (Hacking): A person is guilty of an offence when they cause a computer to perform any function with intent to knowingly secure unauthorised access to any program or data held in any computer. An authorised user who exceeds their authority and gains unauthorised access to parts of a system, data or software is guilty of an offence as well as an individual from outside the organisation who has "hacked" into the system."

LavenderGreen14 · 23/03/2014 09:38

I think his motives are bullying and control tbh. I agree, no contact at all.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/03/2014 09:41

His motive will be control. I don't know the back-story but, by stealing the OP's passwords (which was presumably the objective of this half-baked scheme), he'd have full access to the OP's private accounts etc and be able to either keep tabs or do something more sinister, maybe as part of a bigger plan of discrediting her. That said, the OP checked out his browsing history to see if he'd been doing anything dodgy, so there's clearly no trust on all sides. Also querying why someone would access their bank account on a laptop knowing there was some kind of virus on it. Hmm

Nomama · 23/03/2014 09:42

When he comes back don't let him in. Then hand the laptop back to him, outside, not in a bag or anything.

If the laptop falls on one of its back corners, diagonally, all sorts of nasties will occur - so be very careful you don't drop it on the nasty, hard outdoor surfaces.

gamerchick · 23/03/2014 09:44

I don't understand that either... why willingly put your bank details into a laptop you knew had a virus? At the most use it for browsing only until it's sorted out.

Personally I would just reformat and give him it back without saying anything.

Then get my own laptop, rather than sharing one.

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/03/2014 09:45

Don't hand the laptop back, tell them that you are going to be handing it to the police as evidence.

Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 23/03/2014 09:51

To be honest I didn't really think the 'virus' he said it had was a big deal. I've sorted out loads of viruses before and never had any issues. The computer at first glance seemed fine. It was only after uding it for a few minutes that it started to pop up with all this adware type stuff. Ex-p looks at loads of porn online so I thought maybe by having a look on the history because I know what he's like.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 23/03/2014 09:52

*maybe I'd find something if I looked on the history.

OP posts:
PurpleRayne · 23/03/2014 09:53

Actually, you'd be better off telling him that the computer is already in the hands of the police, so he can't put pressure on you to return it and get rid of the evidence.

Did you also tell the police about the webcam? This is a very worrying aspect. I think you need to go back to them and ask for an officer trained in this field.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 23/03/2014 09:54

Restore it back to its original settings, on the excuse, it was the only way to get rid of the virus.

But really, I'd take it to the police, lord knows what he was trying to access.

Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 23/03/2014 09:56

Plus he's logged in to my Facebook before so there was a tiny suspicion in my mind that he had done something like this so all the more reason to check history.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 23/03/2014 09:57

Xposted. Yeah the webcam thing worried me the most. Very scary. I w going to call plice again tiday.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 23/03/2014 09:58

I am going to call police again today. I'm not changing anything on the laptop as yet as its all evidence.

OP posts:
CookieDoughKid · 23/03/2014 10:06

If you use Gmail. Make sure you enable two factor authentication. Essential for any gmail user!! Protect yourself but don't say anything that he can use in court. Detach and let the professionals deal with him. Good luck op

Dirtybadger · 23/03/2014 10:21

I don't know how likely it is but you could approach a local uni who undertake pro bono work. It's an interesting area of law so they may be interested.
The computer needs to be forensically examined. The computer is the alleged "crime scene" and should be preserver exactly as it was found, for investigation. Not your fault but surprised the officer didn't know/think that.

Good luck!

MairzyDoats · 23/03/2014 10:22

He's not the sharpest tool in the box though, is he, forgetting to clear his search history? How could you find evidence of key stroke logging software if the history had been deleted? Glad for you that it wasn't.

Dirtybadger · 23/03/2014 10:22

Preserved, rather!

Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 23/03/2014 10:27

I know mairzy I think it shows how unstable he is and how he must not be thinking clearly. I have always been better with computers than he is though.

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 23/03/2014 11:06

Well for starters I wouldn't be handing the laptop back....tell him the police have it and if he wants it back he needs to call them